How are people affording things atm?

[locomum83]

Bear with me.... I work 12 hours a Week, the rest of the time I look after our 3 young kids, DH works full time.
We can afford nothing at the minute, food costing us at least £700 a month (more than I earn) we run 2 cars as we live rural, and can't car share due to work commitments, our mortgage isn't even that much.
I'm looking at other jobs but we don't have formal childcare, just our parents, all in their 70's so not ideal, and to work more could mean having to pay childcare, so the extra money would be eaten up with childcare so what's the point?
this summer we haven't even been able to have any sort of holiday or even short break organised, we simply have no money left after bills, and often we have to take money from savings to help.
All my mum friends are chatting about their holidays to Disney, turkey, Spain etc, and their new build houses, etc.
My question... how do people do it?? Seriously, and not even people with really excellent jobs, those just with regular run of the mill jobs. Everyone around me is spending money, big money! And I have no idea how they do it.
Are people in debt up to their eyes, what kind of jobs are people doing? Maybe I can do the same! Really deflated at the moment and feeling totally useless.

It does sound like that.

My answer to OPs question is that our pay increases have more than covered the increase in costs, and we were fine anyway. Five or six years ago it'd have been a totally different story. It's just dumb luck.

That said, other posters were also correct in pointing out that the answer to this question is always that people have more money/access to money than the person asking, and/or lower expenses.

In terms of how to improve one's position, always worth going through everything with a fine toothed comb to make sure utilities, broadband etc are as cheap as they can be- I believe MSE are very good at that. But assuming it doesn't significantly change things, the best option is likely to be some kind of remote admin work in the evenings. I suspect OP you're not using your full personal allowance, which is always worth doing.

When you say what is the point for working more than your hours, it's terrible, and I never got it until I was back working but essentially you're getting money in and even though overall it doesn't seem like you're getting enough, it pays as things happen. So you get paid and a bill comes in on a Tuesday and your wage will pay that, or the shopping, then your dh gets paid and you pay your childcare and it just goes on from there. You don't have enough money but your money is paying things as they come along and there's kind of this grand deficit that is mostly kept at bay. So you think you won't have enough and on paper you don't, but you can keep chugging

You're not useless! Ignore this poster...it's hard enough to pay childcare for one child, let alone three! And school wraparound care still costs (if your kids are not babies).

Food bill is high. With kids I think a lot goes on snacks. Even the cheapest pre packaged snacks from Lidl cost a lot when multiplied by 3. I spend a lot of time decanting things like big boxes of raisons or making tiny snack sandwiches. One of our meals a week is beans on toast. I do it the evening my partners working as its not enough for him but fine for me and the kids.

I think your main issue is to stop comparing. Life is so different to 30 years ago when one salary sustained a large family. Many people wish they could have 3 kids, be at home more, live in the country. They're luxuries you are probably not counting.

How old are the ‘3 small children’? This stage will obviously end and at some point childcare costs will be much easier. But I do see a difference with those families who have 3 plus kids and those who have 1 or 2. The larger number is just going to be more
expensive and logistically harder to manage especially in the early years where childcare is a major barrier.

When you hear about what other families are doing you never get the full picture of the variables for disposable income. Some might have had an inheritance, some might have locked their mortgage in for 10 years at 1.5%, some might have a lot of family childcare (saving ££££). You never see that and that’s why comparisons can be so tricky.

This exactly! That's exactly what I mean!

I got lucky with my job, I work 4 days a week 3 of which are from home with my youngest child (oldest gets free nursery hours) - employers are very understanding and helpful we’re the first to reach out and suggest I can work from home with the kids with me.

Me and DP are on semi-decent salaries. I’m on double what I was in my old professional role. My current job only requires basic GCSE’s. So I genuinely think I just got really lucky job wise. As I could never afford nursery, food and household bills these days if I had to go to office and put both children into full time childcare.

Yes we use blue light discount, I honestly try so hard with food! I'm a food cook and make everything from scratch, I meal plan for the week and write a list. Minimal alcohol is only ever bought, maybe two bottles of cheap wine a month. Our food bill includes toiletries, cleaning supplies and cat food also I should of mentioned. I spent for example £138 in Lidl yesterday on a regular weekly shop, I always try to get enough to do the week however I know il have to visit the shop again perhaps for more fruit this week, because the kids eat a lot.

I struggle with lowering our food bill. I take my hat off to families who spend £200a month. I have always been a very hearty eater (though maintain a healthy weight) and my 18 year old is always hungry too (cereal and peanut butter sandwiches as snacks all the time plus full meals).

In terms of how to improve one's position, always worth going through everything with a fine toothed comb to make sure utilities, broadband etc are as cheap as they can be- I believe MSE are very good at that. But assuming it doesn't significantly change things, the best option is likely to be some kind of remote admin work in the evenings. I suspect OP you're not using your full personal allowance, which is always worth doing

I linked to Moneysaving Expert's 'Money Makeover' above, which is a systematic way of going through just about everything possible to increase income and reduce costs.

From the paragraph I've quoted above, an example of this would be if you don't earn enough to pay tax, and your DH is a standard rate taxpayer, you can some of your tax allowance to him and he pays less tax. I think it's only worth a couple of hundred pounds a year, but you can backdate it, so you can get nearly £1k for just filling in a few forms if the circumstances fit.

It's really worth doing because, instead of thinking 'it's not worth doing for a few quid' sometimes, it's more than a few quid (see example above) and even if it's not, a few lots of 'a few quid' can really add up and it's usually all in terms of extra disposable income so you really notice it.

So if you currently have nothing spare at all, but you increase your income by £50 and reduce your costs by £50, you now have £100 spare money.

This is a good synopsis.

Add a bit of credit card - earn enough to pay a wodge back every month and you still go on holidays, fix the car, pay for a meal,out.
I think that’s how lots of the lower earners get by.

If your DH is in the emergency service check if he’s got a blue light card.. this gives lots of discounts. One of the really good ones is that it pairs with the asda app and seems to boost the cash back. Already I’ve earned quite a bit this way. Could this help to reduce the food bill if there is an Asda nearby or can get delivered?

This. If you have three kids unless you're a millionaire you're going to be skint. Your choice!

OP it's shit I totally get it. I've been there and used to be wondering what the hell were we doing wrong. I think sometimes people are just at different stages of lives with less mortgage less childcare expenses or whatever. A cousin of ours is always on holidays (at least four foreign trips a year) but we went to a party at hers once and we all came away starving so myself and my mum giggle now saying they prioritise holidays over food lol. Also bear in mind I think a lot of people are earning very good salaries at the moment.

I know of a family whose mother in law paid for the family holiday and another whose husband was made redundant last year but found another job and now they are off to Spain with six children lol. It is costing a bomb but a once in a lifetime opportunity.

They did offer an alternative working arrangement but think they used it as an excuse to move me on as they knew I couldn't make it work. They asked I start at 8.30 every day, when my commute would be the best of 30 minutes and school doesn't open until 8am, also still leaving the youngest to be left off to childcare too, I was never going to be able to make it a work. Thus I took a job with less hours (very flexible) but not allowing me to WFH. They can't offer me any more hours however I am going to enquire again as some things have changed there in the organisation.
Aside from that I'd love to do some casual cleaning or else something computer based from home, I could do in the evenings, but I'm not sure what's out there that fits that build, or how to find it?

Eh? We have 3 children, are absolutely far from millionaires and aren’t skint. We can afford extra curricular activities, holidays, meals out etc. Maybe not the Maldives, but we’re off to France tomorrow with the kids.

I get what you mean though, I do know a lot of people who are on quite mediocre salaries that are somehow affording holidays to the Maldives and when I look online those holidays cost in the region of £15k-£20k and it just doesn’t make sense how they’ve managed to find that sort of money, and these aren’t exactly lawyers or entrepreneurs, these are people that I know who work as teaching assistants and cutting grass for the council. Boggles my mind

Oh, come on, people on low wages are not going on £20k to the Maldives holidays, not routinely anyway. It will be some other reason eg.

They used to earn more in the past and have 'downsized' their career but have savings

They have a side hustle/passive income or are drug dealers

It's been paid for by relatives/an inheritance

It didn't cost anywhere near £20k. I know in MN land one can only possibly do the most expensive available version of anything (house, holiday, candles, grocery shopping) but the cost of 'a holiday' can vary significantly.

It could be a once in a lifetime holiday, that they've saved and gone without to achieve - eg they may have decided that they'd rather not have one annual holiday each year for 10 years costing £2k and instead go to the Maldives once. Unlikely, but you never know.

You probably haven’t got through the full thread but I’d suggested ad hoc typing for an online company- you could pick it up as and when on an evening around your husbands shifts

it sounds like you’re a fantastic mum OP and doing as much as you can for your family, it’s just a perfect storm of everything money wise at the moment! I hope things get better for you

large inheritance that isn’t enough to give up work but enables them to splash out now and again.

He's not a paramedic, so doesn't earn anywhere near £35k sadly, he's still in his probationary period for about another year and even then the wage won't increase by very much, not life changing amount, maybe extra £60 a week....
I think because we live in Northern Ireland our costs are also higher, there are no wage increases announced here for the Em services and this brexit business really messed up the cost of our food too

It's tough for a lot of people at the moment op. You might have encountered some people who are in a protected bubble and can afford lots of expensive new stuff but most people are feeling the pinch significantly. Food, fuel, mortgages etc have all gone up so much in recent years. I'm not sure all the comments telling you £700 a month is a lot are particularly helpful. I have 2 kids and we spend about £600 a month.

I'm not sure if anyone has suggested this but what about doing ironing to earn some extra money? It's something you can do at home in the evenings or with the kids. Or maybe do some evening cleaning work, places like Dr surgeries and offices which need to be cleaned once everyone has gone home. If your dh gets home early enough and cab deal with the kids it's a way of upping your income without having to pay for childcare.

From the paragraph I've quoted above, an example of this would be if you don't earn enough to pay tax, and your DH is a standard rate taxpayer, you can some of your tax allowance to him and he pays less tax. I think it's only worth a couple of hundred pounds a year, but you can backdate it, so you can get nearly £1k for just filling in a few forms if the circumstances fit.

Yeah that's a good point too. OP what are your annual earnings, now and in the last couple of years? If it's below the personal allowance, def worth doing this.

https://www.gov.uk/marriage-allowance

Because I likely have less outgoings than you do. My regular income is £2300pm. I live in a council flat, my rent and all bills add up to less than £1k. My only DC is older so I have no childcare costs. I don't own a car and work is walking distance from home so I have no travel costs. This leaves at least £1300 left for food, clothes and fun money. Food probably costs around £400pm.

Honestly? We didn't have the third child and stuck at two as we knew it would stretch us more than we were comfortable with.

When I went back to work after maternity leave nursery fees were my entire wage. The equivalent of everything I earned went to paying for childcare. However, I wanted to play the long game and it was really hard for a few years but eventually childcare fees reduced and I got a pay rise and suddenly we were a lot better off financially.

You have three children and you're only working 12 hours a week. It's not a criticism, it's a perfectly valid choice but surely not surprising that you can't afford luxury holidays. If your DH is public sector in emergency services your household income is going to be lower than the average and you have more than the average number of children. So of course it'll be tight.

With regards to looking at what other people are spending money on, it's impossible to know. We are planning a big holiday next year but what people don't know is I have an inheritance and am using some of the money for that. Other people will be putting it on credit cards etc.