Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

This is ridiculous

105 replies

PurpleO · 14/07/2023 20:22

I'm currently on my period and I fucking hate it because of everyone and everything else.

I got up this morning and hmgot ready. It is now 8.15pm at night and I am still wearing the same sanitary pad that I put on this morning. I never once got a chance to change it. But this is always happening. Every single monthly period that I get. I am just not allowed 5 minutes to myself in the middle of the day. It's written in my contract and it's written down that I am allowed breaks and but the manager is a bully. I can go into work in the morning and I would often be required to work late without any notice and it might be 9 or 10 at night by the time I am home and I get a chance to chance the pad. Thats just insane.

I wasn't working today but I was caught for babysitting and then the parents couldn't be bothered coming home when they said they will be home. Then the same thing all day. Just crying out to get 5 minutes to myself. Then I made it home and I was dumped straight into the childcare at home and everything else. I finally found time at 8.15 and there was someone in the one and only bathroom. And at that stage I had to bully to get into to bathroom.

If I was a man I woupd be allowed a break but no, that's not allowed because I'm only just a woman. It feels as if I need to bully people for something basic as toileting and a change of sanitary pad.

Tampons don't fit me any more and I tried so hard with a cup but it just wouldn't work for me.

OP posts:

Whattodowithit88 · 15/07/2023 12:39

I’m sorry but you’re being ridiculous and bringing this on yourself. Stop the woe is me and start speaking up for yourself, of course you can go to your bag to then go to the toilet, your work doesn’t own you.

Stop babysitting, learn to say no.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 15/07/2023 12:41

How do you keep managing to get ‘caught’ for things? You either agree to do it or you don’t. It’s up to you.
Do you struggle to be assertive in all aspects of your life?

Original poster

PurpleO · 15/07/2023 13:15

I was told babysitting was only going to be three hours yesterday. Then it pretty much turned into and all day thing but I only planned for three hours so I never had a supply of pads with me. I was home for 5pm but then there was other things at home childcare and a problem parent that is likely turning into the possibility of a dementia and honestly by the time I got a free patch of time at 8.15, the bathroom was taken and at that point I was getting very tired and anxious and I just felt uncomfortable and sore. I eventually got a few minutes but it was towards 8.30.

OP posts:

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 15/07/2023 13:21

I think you need some sort of therapy/counselling to address why you let people walk all over you and why you don’t feel able to assert your own needs.

OldChinaJug · 15/07/2023 13:21

I'm afraid I agree with others that you're bringing this in yourself and martyring yourself a bit.

I'm a teacher with no TA. In theory, I can go to the loo between 10.45 and 11am and again between 12.30 and 1.30. In reality, my periods don't follow that timetable. I've called someone from the office in a period emergency to watch the class for 2 mins.

What job do you do that means you can't walk away from it for 2 mins to change a sanitary product?

A problem parent who might have dementia can be left alone while you go to the loo. A child you're babysitting can either be left for a minute. If they're too young to be left and mobile, take them with you.

What's ridiculous is that you're not standing up for yourself in any capacity.

OldChinaJug · 15/07/2023 13:25

And, if all else fails and your bag really is too far from the loo (eg on another floor, down a long corridor and behind a locked gate that only someone else has the key for), keep a pad in each cup of your bra.

But, tbh, I don't think for a second anyone is telling you you can't go to your bag to get a pad. I think you've decided that yourself.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2023 13:28

Keep pads in your desk, workstation, in the toilets or wherever if your bag isn't close at work.

Talk to your colleagues and solve the problem together, you're probably not the only one. What sort of workplace is this?

99victoria · 15/07/2023 13:32

If your employer really won't allow you time to collect your bag when you go to the toilet then you need to arrange a meeting with management and tell them they need to provide baskets of sanitary wear in the ladies toilets. Get your female colleagues on board. Lots of employers provide this facility now

BadNomad · 15/07/2023 13:33

You're being silly now. You know you're on your period. Make sure you have pads with you. Shit happens, why would you not have spares with you.

tonystarksrighthand · 15/07/2023 13:34

I would actually piss myself. Fact.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2023 13:41

Same here @tonystarksrighthand

All these people not going to the toilet all day. After a couple of hours I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything except not pissing myself and it would probably happen anyway not long after.

nonsensicalmess · 15/07/2023 13:44

Title thread says it all really.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/07/2023 13:44

PurpleO · 15/07/2023 13:15

I'm sorry Purple the issue isn't time to go to the toilet. You clearly need some counselling or other support - please chat to your GP.

The only person stopping you going to the bathroom is you.

pikkumyy77 · 15/07/2023 13:57

Please can we not all take such a hostile tone to this poster? She is clearly struggling to get her needs met, to speak up, to assert herself. If she could she wouldn’t have these problems. My guess is that she is struggling in real life and when she reaches out fir help she is ignored or verbally abused. She doesn’t feel she can quit this job, she has no support at home, and she has lots of financial and other responsibilities.
OP you MUST prioritize yourself and your comfort. If you can book bathroom breaks and take them regardless of whether you need them. Train yourself and your coworkers that you take a break once every few hours. Stash the pads everywhere. Make a practice to go at the beginning and end of shift. Practice saying “no” to people. As for babysitting charge double for every hour over your commitment.

CapitanSandy · 15/07/2023 14:07

You can’t carry on like this OP it’s not good for your health and is showing everyone that you put them first. You’re important and have needs the same way the people you work for you. You wouldn’t let the children you babysit for sit in dirty nappies or not go to the toilet so why should you?

Start small by making sure you have enough pads, putting them in a little bag, or a drawer rather than your bag.

Then I’d look for a new job or try some counselling to see if there’s anything deeper going on around prioritising others over your own needs.

If you don’t look after yourself no one else will.

TRexTara · 15/07/2023 14:26

I'm peri menopausal and need to use a tampon and a pad and change them frequently. If I waited all day I would be bleeding all over the place. Tell your manager to do one.

DaisyUpsy · 15/07/2023 15:06

Op was at home from 5pm and didn't use the loo until 8.15. You simply tell people they have to wait for 5 mins. It's not difficult. No wonder she can't do it at work if she won't even take herself to the toilet at home.

Howdoesitworkagain · 15/07/2023 15:16

@PurpleO for gods sake OP get a backbone. The fact that you’re “unable” to change your pad no matter where you are (work, home, babysitting..?) shows that it’s a “you” problem more than anything else.

Stop infantilising yourself by pretending that you can’t take yourself off to the toilet with a sanitary pad in hand. Ffs.

KnickerlessParsons · 15/07/2023 15:23

So tell your manager in very explicit terms why you'll be taking longer, regular toilet breaks. He'll be so embarrassed he'll probably capitulate. And if he closes r, go to a union or HR, or your manager's manager, or the managing director.

Do something!

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 15/07/2023 15:48

Your period is not the issue, but is rather symptomatic of your inability to articulate your needs and to assert yourself. Not to put too fine a point on it, but your boundaries are as permeable and compromised as your sanitary wear. You are caught up in the minutiae of a thousand perceived violations, but you simply will not address the very many posters on here who are saying the same thing that I am.

This is your blind spot. Get yourself some help finding your voice and everything else will fall into place after that.

Karrpt · 15/07/2023 15:54

"I was home for 5pm"

Hi, just nipping to the loo 🤷🏽‍♀️

Ollifer · 15/07/2023 15:55

It's not just work though is it, you're saying you can't even go to the loo when you get home. So the issue is likely to be you. Op I'm sorry but I think you need to get a grip. Just go to the toilet when you need to, it's really that simple

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/07/2023 16:01

If you're worried about having your pads on you, put your pads in your bra. That's what I do when I need to go at that time of the month and don't have pockets. That or (gasp) walk around with a sanitary towel in my hand.
Also I'm not buying that you really need the massive Dr Whites style pads because if you changed them regularly, you wouldn't.

Schoolchoicesucks · 15/07/2023 16:01

OP, it seems that you are accustomed to putting yourself and your needs last. At work and at home. You are neglecting basic bodily functions and hygiene needs because you are putting the needs of others first.

Yes that is ridiculous.

You are the only person in this scenario who can help yourself.

At work speak up and make sure you take your breaks. Pp's have made suggestions for keeping sanitary supplies to hand.

At home, your parent and child will have to wait for the 5 mins max it will take you to pee and change your pad. If you need to organise child/elderly parent proof safe places for them to be in for those 5 minutes then do it.

Your needs count and you need to advocate for yourself as no-one else will do this for you.

PriamFarrl · 15/07/2023 16:11

Are there other women in your work place you can get together with about this? You can’t be the only one suffering.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5