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Original poster

Is the guest rude?

94 replies

pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 18:47

If someone invite a friend over for dinner for 6pm but then the friend calls at around 5pm and says they haven't finished work (wfh) yet and would come at 8pm instead of 6, would you find that rude or normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:16

Thank you all for your replies.

My husband's friends invited us. I feel really bad.
He didn't ask if it was okay or explained why we would be late. He just said "Hey, will be there at 8:15 instead", I feel really bad but he doesn't think it's rude at all.

It's the first time we are invited. Not very close friends, they are closer to his brother than to him.
He has a deadline today.
He still hasn't finished work and has yet to get showered, dressed and ready so I don't think we'll even make it to 8:15.

They said it was fine but I feel terrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:18

pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:16

Thank you all for your replies.

My husband's friends invited us. I feel really bad.
He didn't ask if it was okay or explained why we would be late. He just said "Hey, will be there at 8:15 instead", I feel really bad but he doesn't think it's rude at all.

It's the first time we are invited. Not very close friends, they are closer to his brother than to him.
He has a deadline today.
He still hasn't finished work and has yet to get showered, dressed and ready so I don't think we'll even make it to 8:15.

They said it was fine but I feel terrible.

Sorry, didn't mean to sound redundant or overdramatic. I just realised I said "I feel bad" three times.

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 14/07/2023 19:19

No…I’d say we’d have to reschedule if I was the host! Very rude to decide he’d turn up when it suited him!

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Growlybear83 · 14/07/2023 19:20

I think it's rude the change the time at short notice but presumably the guest wouldn't expect to actually be having dinner as early as 6?

Clymene · 14/07/2023 19:23

It's very rude. Is your husband usually so ill mannered and self centred?

xyz111 · 14/07/2023 19:24

pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:16

Thank you all for your replies.

My husband's friends invited us. I feel really bad.
He didn't ask if it was okay or explained why we would be late. He just said "Hey, will be there at 8:15 instead", I feel really bad but he doesn't think it's rude at all.

It's the first time we are invited. Not very close friends, they are closer to his brother than to him.
He has a deadline today.
He still hasn't finished work and has yet to get showered, dressed and ready so I don't think we'll even make it to 8:15.

They said it was fine but I feel terrible.

How long does it take for a man to shower and get changed?

Original poster
pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:25

Clymene · 14/07/2023 19:23

It's very rude. Is your husband usually so ill mannered and self centred?

He's normally really polite but he has no etiquette when it comes to being invited somewhere. He's the type to show up unannounced to someone's house at 9pm if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:26

xyz111 · 14/07/2023 19:24

How long does it take for a man to shower and get changed?

Show quote history

Maybe around 30/40 mins?

OP posts:
DinnaeFashYersel · 14/07/2023 19:27

Incredibly rude and way too late.

The dinner may well be ruined.

VisionsOfSplendour · 14/07/2023 19:29

pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:25

He's normally really polite but he has no etiquette when it comes to being invited somewhere. He's the type to show up unannounced to someone's house at 9pm if that makes sense.

Show quote history

I was going to say that it totally depends on the situation but with the extra information I think your husband is rude and thoughtless

A casual supper with friends you know well might be OK in this case rude, they've been out in a position where they probably feel they have to say it's OK while actually cross about having to rearrange the food plans and wondering how late you might stay

Is your husband NT?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 14/07/2023 19:31

Extremely rude. I wouldn't be bothering with your husband again.

Wendysfriend · 14/07/2023 19:31

I'd be so pissed off. An hours notice that you'll be over 2 hours late and you'll probably be even later than 8.15pm. I get things happen but he should have explained why. I bet you won't get any more invites. I hope the food can be reheated and they're not starving. I'd actually be embarrassed turning up that late, especially with it being a first invite.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/07/2023 19:32

Oh gosh OP, that's really rude. I'd be really really embarrassed.

Sewingdufus · 14/07/2023 19:33

I would find that incredibly rude.

In your situation I would have gone without him at the agreed time and apologised for his absence rather than turn up hours after the invite.

Original poster
pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:33

Thank you all for your replies. I'm embarrassed and there's no way we're going to make it on time now.

He just got cross with me when I told him he should get ready soon.

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/07/2023 19:35

And actually, I don't think a deadline is a good reason. Presumably he knew about the deadline before 6pm today!

Something going horribly wrong at work. Or an unannounced audit or something like that, then absolutely reasonable to call at short notice. But just a deadline, he should have either not accepted the invitation in the first place, if it was going to be touch and go if he could meet it. Or if he was easily able to make the deadline and it wasn't a concern when the invitation was recieved then he should have pulled his finger out and got it finished.

ThatFraggle · 14/07/2023 19:36

pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:26

Maybe around 30/40 mins?

Show quote history

If you're late and in a rush, brush teeth 3 mins, shower, 3 mins, dry off, lotion, clothes on 3 mins. Ten mins max.

ThatFraggle · 14/07/2023 19:36

pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:33

Thank you all for your replies. I'm embarrassed and there's no way we're going to make it on time now.

He just got cross with me when I told him he should get ready soon.

Show him this thread. It's not normal adult behaviour.

Original poster
pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:37

ThatFraggle · 14/07/2023 19:36

If you're late and in a rush, brush teeth 3 mins, shower, 3 mins, dry off, lotion, clothes on 3 mins. Ten mins max.

Show quote history

He won't take 10 mins no matter how late he is to something. I've tried in the past, it just doesn't happen

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:38

ThatFraggle · 14/07/2023 19:36

Show him this thread. It's not normal adult behaviour.

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I'll do that
He probably thinks I'm being too uptight

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 14/07/2023 19:38

I work freelance and I can't just leave a job unfinished as I would not only miss out on its payment but would also lose a client.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/07/2023 19:38

Is going without him an option, and he meets you there?

I actually think cancelling now, after stringing the host along for a couple of hours would be worse than just you going and apologising profusely for him messing them around.

ThatFraggle · 14/07/2023 19:38

pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:37

He won't take 10 mins no matter how late he is to something. I've tried in the past, it just doesn't happen

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That's my point. It's taking the piss.

Are these friends of YOURS and he has form for 'breaking YOUR things?'

Clymene · 14/07/2023 19:39

Coyoacan · 14/07/2023 19:38

I work freelance and I can't just leave a job unfinished as I would not only miss out on its payment but would also lose a client.

So do I. But if I have a social engagement, I don't just tell people I'm going to be several hours late. I cancel with profuse apologies.

My work schedule is my problem, not anyone else's.

Original poster
pinkoverall · 14/07/2023 19:40

ThatFraggle · 14/07/2023 19:38

That's my point. It's taking the piss.

Are these friends of YOURS and he has form for 'breaking YOUR things?'

Show quote history

No they are his friends, I only met them through him

OP posts: