Can’t afford school fees any longer

[Whichwaytooo]

We have 2 DC (Year 3 and Year 5), both at private school. Our bills have more than doubled this year, but the big issue is our fixed rate mortgage ends in 7 months’ time and our monthly costs are going to go up massively.

Added to that school fees are increasing by 8% due to CoL, and then it’s looking like there will be VAT on top of that. It’s just no longer affordable for us.

We’re wondering whether to take younger DC out of their school now, and try to weather the storm for a year with older DC and then go state for secondary. But both love their school and I think it will cause huge resentment in younger DC. I do have the option of working 6 days a week to bring in more money but I feel that I hardly see my DC as it is. We have to pay next term’s fees anyway as haven’t given a term’s notice, but would it be easier to move both to state school at the beginning of a new school year?

Another issue is that there isn’t space for both DC at the same local school, so easier to justify keeping elder at current school for a year.

Sorry, a bit of a ramble but any advice would be appreciated.

Can you take the older one out now and keep the younger one in for a couple of years so they’ve had the same amount of time in the private system? If they’d end up in different state primaries anyway?

Shocked that MN is agreeing on this one about pulling both kids out. I agree with @lolawasashowgirl too

Take them both out. Don’t treat them differently. The resentment will linger.

Quite rare!

But I think most people realise the resentment that keeping one in would cause now and in the future.

I l think this is a real case where treating them fairly doesn’t necessarily mean treating them the same.
if you’re struggling for a state space for y6 state I’d be sorely tempted to keep eldest in for a year, so they only have to move once. Also I’d want to find out what happens if you go to your state secondary having not done SATS.
your youngest will have basically all of KS2 to make friends which is a much smoother transition so I don’t think it’s unfair to move them earlier.
it would be a hard thing to explain to a little one though

I might be crazy but in your shoes I would stay another year and move them both to state for y5 and y7. I would dip into debt if necessary and recover financially afterwards.

You're going yo have to pay for the autumn term. I see no point in moving mid year. I also see no harm in moving from private primary to state secondary.

With that financial situation they both need to go state ASAP.

I'd give notice for both now, move whichever child has a place in your local/preferred state school for September then keep the other where they are for now and on the wait list at the state school. They should go to the top of the list once a sibling is in.

If a place hasn't come up by the end of your notice period they'll have to move to wherever has space but hopefully that way you can minimise disruption and end up with them both in the same school.

@Annaisatwat isn't it just nice to MN pulling together. Perhaps the penny is only just dropping this year for the COL... so realistically its not doable long term for OP. Previously I've read people considering only sending one to private school I would never forgive my mother if it was me.

I disagree. I wouldn’t pull the older one out for the sake of a year. I’d keep them where they are. It’s enough of an upheaval moving to secondary school without a move before that to state primary for Yr6 where friendship groups would have already been set for years!

There will be DC from lots of different primary schools moving to the secondary so better opportunity to make new friendship groups. The friends they make in Yr6 may not even go the secondary you decide to send them to.

I’d actually do all I could to keep them both in private for the next year so they move at the same time. You’re having to pay for a term from September anyway.

Your kids will cope with the change. Life is tough and if you can't afford it take them out.

If they are both at the same school now, I'd move both at the same time (could be Christmas or end of next year).

For all those saying don't treat them differently - I would be a bit more relaxed about this, if there are reasons. I went to state secondary (there was a state girls' grammar), my brother private (there was only a private grammar option for boys), my sister state comp (not so academically able). There was logic behind this, so we had our grumbles but it seemed fair enough.

Speak with the school - they may have a charitable fund that can help. If not, I’d get them both into primary asap and start saving to reintroduce them to private education around year 9.

I'd pull them both out, it would be better for the older one to do year 6 at the local primary and then have friends to move up to secondary with.

My dd moved schools just for year 6 and it was definitely the right decision.

Imo keep older one in for last year as you say no room at local for them anyway. Suck up the fees one more year if you can manage?

take younger out now and start them at state for Sep ( as another poster said, easier to start in Sep and then they have several years to build friendships for state secondary… that being said, older will make friends once there)
then only one term to pay for them, as notice.

so will be financially hard for first term, and a little less so for the last two.

yes it’s a bit unfair but only for one year. And life’s not fair is it, so that’s how I’d explain it to younger!

don’t burn yourself out to keep them in private, that’s not fair on any of you

good luck

Take both out. It or it will lead to much resentment,
kids are very adaptable my DC moved many times including key times like middle of y6 as forces children and it hasn’t hampered any success eldest starts his Masters in September after getting a first in his degree

You don't say whether the DC are at a prep or more of an all through school, but bear in mind Y6 in a private is all about the 11+ and what (mostly private) secondary they will be going to. I wonder if you are going to state secondary anyway, your older DC might be happier moving now and not having that pressure - it can be all consuming at times.

Chin up, OP - it is rubbish but given current economic circumstances, I strongly suspect you won't be the only parent making these sorts of decisions.

That sounds really hard. You have no choice but to take them both out. I could understand struggling on with extra work for a couple of years, but you have years of schooling left for both children. Fees will rise significantly each year. You don’t want to have to pull them out of private secondary schools. Better to get them both settled in state secondary, it’s a shame but try and frame it as positively as possible for the children otherwise they may feel resentment at leaving a lovely school.

I'm no expert in finding short term solutions to fund private schooling and I'm sure there are several. However I think the longer term view is the most critical one. You have no way of predicting / controlling how private school fees will increase in the future and you have already wisely spotted that your finances are potentially at breaking point. You really already need a substantial 'buffer' available to you now or have a confirmed income increase clearly on the horizon before committing to paying private secondary fees moving forward. The unkindest thing in my mind would be to struggle on paying for private education until your children are both in secondary and then pull them out because your finances collapse.

If you have to give a terms notice I would keep year 5 at the school until the end of year 6.

If you must keep one in because theres only one space in public school then surely its the younger that stay private?

Example: (I know this might not be your ages and prices but hopefully gets the point across)

Assuming both kid have been private since they started school if anything taking the older out and leaving the younger in would be 'fairer' as the older has already had more private schooling than the younger.

Say its £14k each per year and they both started at 4 and elder is 10 and younger is 8... then older has had £84k worth of schooling while younger only had £56k of schooling.

How is it not favoritism to stall the younger at £56k so the older can have £98k? Look at it like a 'living inheritance' and what you are suggesting is blatantly unfair to the younger, you are wanting to give the older almost double.

If you take the older out she had £84k and leave the younger in for the extra year then shes had £70k... still not even but more fair.

Move to a cheaper home or rent one.

Oh my, take them both out. Treat your children fairly, your youngest will resent you forever if you allow her sister to stay.

Have you talked to the school about bursery / scholarship options ?

If you have to pay for next term anyway I’d keep them there for the full year.

Eldest goes to state secondary and either move younger child to state primary at the same time, or if you can afford one set of school fees keep youngest there so they go at the end of year 6 too.