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Original poster

Feeling Sad About Kids Growing Up.

57 replies

pleasestopmessagingme · 05/07/2023 13:01

I have 2 children ( 6 & 1 ) and I feel terribly sad when I think of them growing up. I'm aware this sounds quite bizarre.

I've just looked at some photos and videos of my eldest when he was a toddler and I feel so sad.

I can't bare the thought of them growing up, which obviously they are meant to do but it hurts already.

I'm aware I'm probably a emotional/sentimental person than most.

Does anyone else get this?

OP posts:
Nannyfannybanny · 11/07/2023 08:00

On here it seems to be quite normal. I never felt it,and everyone who knows me will tell you I am ridiculously emotional. I still cry over my late DM dying in 1989. I worry about something happening to them (5 years working on the ED,and 40 years nursing) never had empty nest syndrome either.

RampantIvy · 11/07/2023 08:40

Does anyone else get this?

No.
Do you work?

ChocBananaSmoothie · 11/07/2023 08:48

No. I love to see them grow up and all the different stages and finding out who they are more and more. I've got friends who have lost children at different ages, so can't regret my kids growing up. That's what I want them to do!

Interested in this thread?

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Families
RampantIvy · 11/07/2023 08:59

I've got friends who have lost children at different ages, so can't regret my kids growing up. That's what I want them to do!

That struck a chord with me. We nearly lost DD when she was a few weeks old. She was very vulnerable until she was a toddler, so when she was small I just wanted her to be bigger, older and stronger.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 11/07/2023 09:04

My dd is 17yo and I am feeling emotional about the fact she's almost (technically) an adult.

It's a mixed bag as on one hand I feel immensely proud of her and the person she is becoming, I am excited for her future but on the other hand I am mourning the little girl she was.

Being a parent is emotional I think, there's lots of complex and often conflicting feelings and emotions at each childhood stage. This definitely gets even more intense when they're teens!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/07/2023 09:05

IMO it’s fairly common to look back very nostalgically to the days when they were babies and chubby-legged little toddlers. OTOH you only have to think of the alternative, especially given recent tragic events on the news, to make you thankful that they are still with you, with every chance of growing up.

Original poster
pleasestopmessagingme · 11/07/2023 10:02

RampantIvy · 11/07/2023 08:40

Does anyone else get this?

No.
Do you work?

I do but how is this question relevant?

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 11/07/2023 10:16

pleasestopmessagingme · 11/07/2023 10:02

I do but how is this question relevant?

Show quote history

Because your OP by implication sounds like "what next?"

Original poster
pleasestopmessagingme · 11/07/2023 10:34

@RampantIvy I don't understand what you mean?

OP posts:
LyndaSnellsSniff · 11/07/2023 21:10

My eldest DS turned 17 today. Half of me aches for the days when I was their entire world, but the other half marvels as the amazing young adults they are fast becoming. DS1 had been taller than me for a few years and I love looking up at him and remembering him as a tiny new born. DS2 is almost the same height as me. He still lets me snuggle in with him first thing in the morning and I'm treasuring those minutes.

I think it's a case of taking each day and each milestone as they come and doing all you can to raise them as kindhearted, well-adjusted individuals.

RedLem0nade · 11/07/2023 21:15

I get it OP.

I think it’s like that gorgeous Welsh word, “hiraeth”- a wistful homesickness but for something from your past you can never return to (among other meanings).

I feel it when I think of my DC as the babies and toddlers they once were, even as I feel the most intense gratitude for the fact of them continuing to live and grow, and the privilege of being here to witness and guide them.

DutchCowgirl · 11/07/2023 21:31

I have this feeling a lot. My youngest is 9 and i often think “Oh no, we’re already half way! After 9 more years he might leave the house!”.
And he is not a little boy any more: I miss feeding the ducks together and reading to him (sometimes i still do)… and i miss playing with him with his toys.

I work parttime and i have all kinds of hobbies. But i just really love having my kids around the house and doing stuff with them. It’s just instant happiness.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 11/07/2023 21:34

Not me. Mine are now 14 and 17 and while we often reminisce about how funny/cute they are I wouldn’t want to have young dependant kids again for anything. I enjoyed it at the time but I’m so glad to be in a different stage in life now and don’t envy my friends who still have wee ones

SallyWD · 11/07/2023 21:51

I hadn't felt this until my eldest turned 12. She's now such a teenager. She shuts herself away and never wants to be with me any more. I can see I'm a bit if an irritation to her! I suddenly realised she'd never be that sweet little girl again! I have a real sense of grief about it (even though I still adore her obviously).

FatherJoseFernandez · 11/07/2023 22:00

Yes I feel the same way! However this encourages me to spend as much time as I can with them and appreciate all the little adorable things that they do and say

NalafromtheLionKing · 03/09/2023 17:03

No, I’m knackered and the older they get, the more secure (and closer to retirement!) I feel.

They will always have a home here if they need one but, if they grow up to be happy, independent and well adjusted adults then I have done my job well and will award myself a gold ⭐️ (plus a big glass of 🍷 to celebrate).

SilverCatStripes · 09/09/2023 19:47

RampantIvy · 11/07/2023 08:40

Does anyone else get this?

No.
Do you work?

RampantIvy

Do you think you are being clever with this comment ? Because it makes you look rather childish.

pleasestopmessagingme

It’s perfectly normal to feel sad about your children growing up - yes it’s the natural order of things , and of course we do want our children to grow up, but it’s also normal to feel nostalgic about each phase as it passes. I take comfort in the fact that each new phase will bring its own lovely times and watching your children grow up and develop their own character and personality is lovely in itself.

WhoPutCrabsticksInMyBedroom · 09/09/2023 19:56

DutchCowgirl · 11/07/2023 21:31

I have this feeling a lot. My youngest is 9 and i often think “Oh no, we’re already half way! After 9 more years he might leave the house!”.
And he is not a little boy any more: I miss feeding the ducks together and reading to him (sometimes i still do)… and i miss playing with him with his toys.

I work parttime and i have all kinds of hobbies. But i just really love having my kids around the house and doing stuff with them. It’s just instant happiness.

I think it’s like that gorgeous Welsh word, “hiraeth”- a wistful homesickness but for something from your past you can never return to love this

And agree with the quoted post

I don't want small children now, but I do miss them as small people, and I'm proud/amazed and how they have turned out but I also miss them.

My life is full of other things but being a family together was my favourite time, they are my favourite people.

RampantIvy · 09/09/2023 20:04

It’s perfectly normal to feel sad about your children growing up

When DD was little she had serious health issues that she would grow out of, which she did. She was in ICU at 9 weeks old and was very vulnerable for several years, and no, I don't miss those days at all.

She is 23 now, and living independently. I don't yearn for her being little and dependent on me at all.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 09/09/2023 20:08

Had you asked me yesterday I would have said (nicely) no, you are bonkers, pull yourself together. However today DS said no to going to Legoland! He's coming up to his 12th birthday, but I really hadn't seen it coming. It was like a knife to the heart.

VanillaImpulse · 09/09/2023 22:45

I used to feel like this but when I said about it to my DD's preschool teacher she said how you should appreciate how they are at each moment in time. I realise now that I was looking back to the baby stages when she was actually a cute 4 year old! You just have to live for today and love how they are now as in the future you'll look back and think "why didn't I appreciate them at that stage?!"

Don't get me wrong, I loved the baby and toddler years socialising with other mums, going to groups. But now we have nights out instead without the kids or play dates with the younger ones.

Broodywuz · 01/12/2023 11:04

I know this is an old thread but just came across it and wanted to say I absolutely feel this. Especially this time of year with all the christmas and santa excitement, makes me sad about how quickly the years are going past and how quickly they are growing up. My mum says the best years of her life were when we were little and i just wish time would slow down.

WhoPutCrabsticksInMyBedroom · 01/12/2023 11:45

I'm also upset today. This is quite possibly our last full family Christmas.

DD will be in Australia next year and DS has met a lovely girl, this year he is home as they both had already made plans but I think this could be the one and her family live abroad so I can see him going next year.

If course it is what we want for our children, but I will miss their childhoods for the rest of my life

ColleenDonaghy · 01/12/2023 12:16

No, I don't at all although of course that may change when they're older. Mine are little like yours OP (5&3).

I love seeing them grow up and learn new things. I can't wait to see what kind of adults they become - that's the job, that's what parents are for, to grow them to adulthood.

We had years of wonderful Christmases once we were young adults and before DC arrived, glasses upon glasses of wine over boardgames, abuse flying. Grin My dearest hope is that when they're grown we all get along and interact as equals, just like we do with our own parents who we have remained close to.

Summermeadowflowers · 01/12/2023 12:19

I think RampantIvy was trying to suggest that you have too much time on your hands, OP Hmm

I do love the stage we’re at now and I love the baby and toddler groups and the lovely little baby outfits and toys and games. But I’m also looking forward to the future - holidays where we can eat in restaurants later and go to water parks and theme parks, a bit more sleep and ‘me’ time. It’ll come Smile