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Original poster

Feeling Sad About Kids Growing Up.

57 replies

pleasestopmessagingme · 05/07/2023 13:01

I have 2 children ( 6 & 1 ) and I feel terribly sad when I think of them growing up. I'm aware this sounds quite bizarre.

I've just looked at some photos and videos of my eldest when he was a toddler and I feel so sad.

I can't bare the thought of them growing up, which obviously they are meant to do but it hurts already.

I'm aware I'm probably a emotional/sentimental person than most.

Does anyone else get this?

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 01/12/2023 13:08

They are going to grow.

Enjoy as much of every stage you can then you are likely to regret less.

Babies and toddlers are cute yes but you can play games and read better books with older kids and teenagers teach you about the world.

Each stage has plus and minuses.

RampantIvy · 01/12/2023 15:13

frozendaisy · 01/12/2023 13:08

They are going to grow.

Enjoy as much of every stage you can then you are likely to regret less.

Babies and toddlers are cute yes but you can play games and read better books with older kids and teenagers teach you about the world.

Each stage has plus and minuses.

Wise advice.

BurntOrange · 01/12/2023 15:21

I'm exactly the same - it sometimes feels like a physical pain - I never knew before having kids that the hardest part is letting them grow and go

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Beamur · 01/12/2023 15:24

Watching your kids grow up is bittersweet.
It's both a long time and incredibly fleeting.
I think it's fine to look back and feel nostalgic for the time passing but as long as you enjoy the moment you are in and remember that your best job as a parent is to love well and let go.

Applesauce123 · 01/12/2023 15:35

I feel sad about mine growing up as I had complicated pregnancies/deliveries, so I never had easy physical recoveries from either pregnancy.
I feel sad and a little jealous that I never experienced an easier time when mine were little, to the extent that I'm relieved I'll never have to go thru that again (I'm over 45) - yes, the joys of perimenopause!

ChilliPanda · 01/12/2023 15:44

Yes I loved the baby & toddler years & it sounds like you do too.. but as a mum of two boys 19 & 22 believe me there are so many fantastic years yet to come. Can you print & display some current photos of lovely times you have had ? Maybe think forwards & plan the fun things you can do when they have grown a bit that would have been difficult when they're little ( for your older child).. learn to ride a bike no stabilisers, swimming , walking in the hills / learning about nature.

My mum always used to say .. we borrow them, do our best at each stage & then let them go .. they keep coming back & with the way things are going house price wise.. may not be able to afford to leave 💞😅

HerRoyalNotness · 01/12/2023 15:50

Yep, I get it. I have one who graduates high school 2025 and will be off to college. As we’re in the US he could be anywhere far away. I bumped into someone and she was telling me she couldn’t afford to fly to Florida to see her Dd for Thanksgiving. And said you go from seeing them every single day to in her case 2 a year 😭 that really made it sink in. Gah.

he feels it too though, when we’ve been talking about where he wants to go he asked me where we’d be living. I told him if my kids are in the US rest assured I will be too! (H will move for his career but I won’t be going and leaving the kids here with no family)

FrancisSeaton · 01/12/2023 15:52

I feel you. I have two older teens and a child of 5 and I really feel upset about the youngest growing up . It's such a weird feeling. But spending time with your kids when they are older and seeing their character develop is amazing

Nesbi · 01/12/2023 16:06

I think life itself is bittersweet, and certain things can bring that into sharp focus.

Children grow and change so quickly, particularly from the perspective of the adults around them who get to witness it. Watching videos of my children a few years ago I see people who in some ways no longer exist, but I still live with different but equally wonderful versions of those same people.

It feels odd to mourn a person who has “gone” whilst loving and celebrating the fact that they are still with you and amazing in different ways, but that is how it can feel sometimes.

there is also nothing like having children to make you think about your own parents - how they were when you were young, how they were when you were a teenager, how they are when you yourself reach an age you remember them being.

We are all moving inexorably in that same direction, and our children will (hopefully) get to experience all these same thoughts and feelings as they grow old, as they watch us grow old, as they perhaps have children of their own.

The thought of this happening for thousands of generations before us and perhaps for as many generations to come…it can be overwhelming at times.

It reminds us simultaneously of how precious it all is but also how we are all just moments in history that give way and are eventually forgotten.

I think it is fair enough to feel a touch of sadness amongst the joy, but definitely try to embrace the joy!

WallaceinAnderland · 01/12/2023 16:37

I'm not sad about them growing up but I do miss their younger selves. I'd love to go back in time and spend another summer with them. They were happy times, full of fun and energy. I always loved the school summer holidays with them.

But I wouldn't want young kids now at my age, and I do appreciate my independence now that they are also independent adults.

WhoPutCrabsticksInMyBedroom · 01/12/2023 23:52

@Nesbi you made me cry.

Totpisinthenineties · 02/12/2023 00:12

I completely understand op, my Dd is 5 and our only, I panic at the thought of her growing sometines…I miss every version of who she was

DinosApple · 02/12/2023 08:10

I adored mine as babies and toddlers, squishy little faces, wet sloppy kisses on your cheek, crazy antics and mischief.
Seeing videos of them makes me wistful, especially if the primary years.

But they're 13 and 14 and I love them just as much now. They aren't at all chubby cheeked, but they're gorgeous, very opinionated, sometimes helpful and thoughtful and very funny!

Adulthood is on the horizon!

Projectme · 02/12/2023 08:26

"The days were long but the years are short"...or something like that.

And the days of sleep deprivation, terrible 2's/3's, potty training, school summer and winter fetes, homework, friend issues....there were some veeeeery long days but now mine are 21 and 18 and both at uni. Living good, independent, fun lives. And I'm so proud of them and how me and DH got them there.

But watching videos of when they were babies, into toddling, first school days...oh how wistful I feel!! (Not to ever go back to those days mind!) Just to feel their warm, pudgy hand in mine or to feel their hands clasp around my neck for cuddles, wrapping their snuggly warm bodies in towels after their bath and smelling their freshly washed hair, kissing their heads when tucking into bed; its almost tangible. 💙💗

takemehomecountryroads · 02/12/2023 08:47

OP, it’s totally ok to feel this way. Your feelings are valid. Just because other people don’t have that yearning does not mean you shouldn’t.

Winter weather always makes me reminisce about the time I had a baby and toddler - cuddling my newborn as my toddler and DH went out to play in the snow. Just gorgeous times. The thing about reminiscing though is that you shouldn’t stay too long in that place, you might miss something really special in the present - and I’m sure you have lots of future times to look forward to as well. Life just keeps moving.

@RampantIvy - I work and still feel the way OP does. What’s your point exactly, other than to be unkind?

RampantIvy · 02/12/2023 09:26

It wasn't meant to sound unkind. Tone gets lost on social media, and I apologise if people think I was being unkind.

DD had a difficult start in life, and things didn't get better until she was three and a half. So, from my personal experience, I don't miss those days of dashing to the hospital in the middle of the night, endless hospital stays and constant worry.

She has grown into a delightful and independent adult whose company I enjoy.

SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 02/12/2023 09:32

I love seeing mine grow up! I love the journey and seeing glimmers of the amazing adults they will be. I’m so relived not to be reading biff and chip or changing nappies - although that age was lovely at the time. Our interests overlap massively and my teens humour and conversation is so interesting.

TotalOverhaul · 02/12/2023 09:38

Not sad, but nostalgic. They were SO cute when they were toddlers (no nostalgia for the baby years - hated those!) and they went through an adorable phase when they were about 6-8 where they just loved doing everything - so enthusiastic about the world, and curious.

It might help to start looking forward to things you will be able to do with them as they get older and plan some for next year.

Mushroomwithaview · 02/12/2023 09:57

Gosh no.
I loved them little, and I enjoyed them little too, but nothing has changed now they're big. Of course, I still love them, but I enjoy them even more. I laugh until I cry with my eldest daughter, and we go shopping together and have the same taste in shit murder shows. She's the first person I tell when something outrageous happens. I go running with my son twice a week and we catch up on on everything. He's such a kind and funny human, and he conscientiously 'likes' every single stupid meme I send him. And his girlfriend is lovely - she's an extra, bonus person at our table. And my youngest is only 12 but I just want to burst with pride when I see the beautiful, confident, interesting and singular young person she is becoming.

Being a mum of small children was all-consuming. Being a mum of teenagers feels like the most enormous privilege. I have my own stuff going on and my own plans and schemes, and this little gang of my own, rooting for me as much as I root for them.

Can't wait to be a part of their lives as they get older and get jobs and maybe get married or have children.

Remmy123 · 02/12/2023 10:32

I was like that but now they are teens I can't wait to see the back of them 😂

minmooch · 02/12/2023 10:53

It all hinges on your life experiences. I have nostalgia for the younger years but my eldest son died aged 18 so to see my other son grow up (now 26) is a privilege.

Enjoy the moment you are in as none of us knows what round the corner.

wherethewaterisdarker · 02/12/2023 11:06

Yes, I get quite a bereft feeling thinking about no longer having small children (mine are still young) and I have a constant sense of gain and loss (just full of love and awe as they grow into new older versions of themselves, but also conscious of the beautiful chapter I’m stepping out of, eg, I will not carry you in my arms again, I will not read that particular book to you again etc.). It’s very very normal - also tied to a consciousness of one’s own and ones children’s mortality of course, which is no small thing in itself.

maybe also tied to how much you enjoy/value motherhood too.. I’ve found immense peace and joy in being a parent, much more so than in any career stuff, and that’s not the case for everyone.

Westfacing · 02/12/2023 11:21

Not with my own children, however when my grandson was around four and lying on the sofa with his hands behind his head chortling away at Timmy Time, I suddenly got a lump in my throat at the thought that he wouldn't be so young and innocent forever.

He's now 18 and about to take his practical driving test but I'm over the sadness now!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/12/2023 11:30

I miss my baby being a tiny baby I wish I could have another cuddle either him as a newborn, but I also love his age now, so I think (hope!) it will just keep getting better at each stage .
I do already have an irrational jealousy of his future girlfriend (or boyfriend!) but I will keep that private so I don't because a mums net MIL one day 😂

Conniethecatapillar · 02/12/2023 11:35

I do feel it, but I also feel nostalgic for my own childhood sometimes and an overwhelming feeling of time passing!

I do try and enjoy every moment as they say but it's so hard when you're constantly knackered 😂