Two working parents - how do you juggle it all?

[CorBlimeyGovnr]

Just looking for some words of advice really. I’m back to work after maternity leave and finding it a bit of a shock on how DH and I can make it all work.

We are both working full time, but both senior with sometimes long hours and two children in nursery (including BF baby). We are lucky to have a cleaner too.

But just wondering how other parents juggle it all. We will take it in turns to WFH but it all seems like a real rush to be able to drop them to nursery and get to work then be around to pick them up again.

do you just have to be very very organised or is there some secret short cut I haven’t thought of?!

Cleaner, meal boxes / online shopping, just accept that your house will be a mess and you’ll be exhausted for the next few years and find it a struggle! It does get better when they’re a bit older

We have mainly done one end of the day each. One starts work early and the other drops off, other then finishes work early for pick up.

We both moved to four day weeks to help with the load too. Helps with childcare for school holidays too.

This mainly works as we both are professionals but public sector so no long hours. I've just moved to private sector now my son is 9. The travel and longer hours wouldn't have been doable before junior school.

Routine.

Housework is a joint effort (when dcs are old enough too,

I work full time shifts

DP works away for two months at a time. So I'm run to the ground when he's away and then he picks up all the slack when he's home

We haven’t worked it out yet so following with interest! At the moment it is a lot of juggling and trying to get through the next few years. I actually find it harder now one is at school, at least nursery hours were longer days..but then our school doesn’t have wraparound care. Cleaner is a god send. I’d love a childminder but I have struggled to find someone.

How do we juggle it? Through tears and gritted teeth tbh.

The nursery drop off and pick up is a rush, it just is, you will find yourself driving along glancing at the clock and praying that you don't hit a red light because then you might not make it on time. Just do the best yo7 can to leave on time, set clear boundaries with work and stick to them.

Then for the rest it's about being prepped.

I use a bit of the weekends to get ahead for the week, so

• a weeks worth of washing done and 5 outfits picked out for DD and set out ready so that I know every morning that that is ready to go.
• Something batch cooked and stuck in the freezer in portions so I know that if I don't have time or energy when I get home to make dinner there will be something that I can just microwave defrost and still eat well.
• bigger housework would be done at the weekend, weekdays just surface level stuff.

Spares/nappy bag was always packed and restocked the night before so I didnt have to sort that out in the morning. I also kept a bag of nappies, a pack of wipes, a change of clothes, a towel and some slippers in the boot of the car. That way if I ran out in the spares bag (or forgot it) or there was an unexpected poosplosion/vomit session/threw themselves face first into a muddy puddle type situation, I had what was needed to get them home.

It's really important to make sure the split of work in house/admin/kids stays 50/50 with you and your DO, don't let it slide, you are both working FT, you need to be equal partners.

It's also important to be realistic, you and your kids are busy all week, you don't need to fit 'making memories' type activities in every weekend, we all need to just slob about and recuperate sometimes, so have a day doing nothing but snoozing in the garden or watching TV in your PJs if you need it.

Also Stuff on Toast is a valid, healthy, filling meal. Don't let anyone make you feel that you need to do a full 3 course home cooked meal every night, designate at least 1 day a week to be a 10 minute meal - omelette, stir fry, stuff on toast, pesto pasta.....

Depending on how much you earn - a full or part time nanny can work wonders!

I could write this thread myself!!
We have 2.5 years old toddler and now I m 32 weeks pregnant, due in august!
It was very difficult managing 1st baby only without any parents/in-laws help not sure how will we manage with 2 kids!!
As pp said its joint venture 😅 i and husband share everything, he works in night shift I work in day shift to look after kid, yet it is difficult to work and look after kid even if it's wfh; planning to hire nanny after 2nd baby!!

Ladykale mentioned a nanny - at my school the families with some kind of nannying solution in place are the ones whose life seems to run smoothest and least stressfully. Though it’s obviously £££.
so much mental load that you can hand over (depending on hours, terms of your agreement etc), and none of that dread in the pit of your stomach that you’ll miss the train for pick-up, be called out of a meeting to collect your child, plus the knowledge that there is pattern and consistency for the children.
Does assume you can afford it and get on with the individual though.

I would say with two in nursery it's not that bad! Nursery hours are 8-6! Wait until you have three at school, with various wraparound arrangements and no childcare for school holidays.

We accept that the house won't be immaculate at all times and that we won't eat super nutritious meals all the time and cope fine.

Its really hard and honestly - it contributed to the breakdown of my marriage because we just forgot to be a couple and were a permanent tag team of parenting, chores, admin, taking the kids to activities. We usually divided and conquered and got everything done, including scheduling in some time each for socialising or hobbies. Sadly he used his to meet OW and its hard to compete with fun and excitement when the majority of your conversations are about the clogged dishwasher or the bin rota. Some excellent practical suggestions upthread but I would add, make time for your relationship too.

Batch cooking at the weekend, accepting we might need to use the tumble drier even though it's pricey,
Strict schedule on cleaning and we both pitch in. I wfh two days a week and I'm like a whirlwind on my lunch break cleaning and sticking laundry in

Make sure nursery is providing all meals - pay extra if needs be.

One of you does drop off and the other does pick up.

Hello Fresh or similar for you and dh for weekday evenings

Cleaner (and if you can find one who will do a load of laundry while there too even better).

Whats the plan for when the eldest is school age as that's even more of a nightmare to coordinate.

I would agree with dividing pick ups and drop offs. Be responsible for one or the other so you are only squeezed at one end of the day.

Get a cleaner, allocate an hour the night before they come to just put everything away. Also see if they will do ironing as well. Bung a wash on each day, hang it up and fold into an ironing pile for the cleaner.

Organisation and routine are the key. Meal plan Mon = veggie night Tues = pasta, Weds = curry, Thurs mince Fri = pizza etc. When you cook things like curry, spag bol, Chilli, stews etc do double and bung one in the freezer so you only need to cook that dish every two weeks.

I took a bit of a step back and wangled a school hours job that lasted till DC were at secondary. Then another that let me work flexibly while they were teens.
I've never quite caught up salary-wise, but have had a very interesting career that I wouldn't have had otherwise, and have loved being around for DC all the time.

DP is very good at getting stuck in with housework etc in the evenings and weekends.

We both work part time, accept lower standards of housework, share the domestic load, and accepted that for a few years neither of us are working very long hours.

Being very organised!

I WFH 99% of the time and have a degree of flexibility. This is so valuable.

Slow cooker/instant pot meals saved my life, as did wfh (go in once a month). Moving nearer family has saved our bacon during the school years- my MIL retired just as DD started school.

A nanny who made family meals and a cleaner 2 x week for 5 hours at a time

It will always be a real rush for about the first 10/11 years until they can walk to school alone etc. especially if you are both in fairly senior roles.

Organisation is the key. Or get a nanny or someone who can come to the house at x time to take over and let you go to work. Then collect the dc, take them home, feed them until you get home. I did this for the first few years, and had a cleaner, did online shops, made sure I did the washing when I wfh and made the most of flexible hours.

It is tough, but it doesn't last forever

Oh and as someone upthread said it does get much harder once they are at school (shorter days and term time only) so anticipate that and make any changes in advance, eg I secured WFH before DC started school which has been invaluable

We work opposite days so don't have any time off together. The days i'm off I do the school runs/cleaning/laundry and the days DH is off he does the same. Right now it's all about the kids so we don't get to really be a couple but we try to take time off together and go out during the day while the kids are at nursery/school

Cooking wise we just make stuff that cooks itself i.e. rice/pasta/chicken in the airfryer with veggies etc. On our days off we try to cook for 2 days but doesn't always work

We shared drop off pick ups - I was able to start work earlier and finish earlier so didn’t feel such a rush in the evenings. Nursery provided meals and often at tea time they only wanted something light.

Let something’s slide a bit at home - I’d rather enjoy the weekends doing things with the girls rather than cleaning! I used to put a wash on a time for early morning and put it out before work.

My eldest is 20 now and i do look back and wander how I did it! I now have an organised house :) yes for a couple of years it was crazy it’s only for a short time. :)

We always split morning / afternoon pick up. You also want to ideally take turns on who does which as the morning drop off is a mad rush and afternoon pick up means wrestling with overtired children, and it's healthy to be regularly reminded that neither is better. We also did a lot of batch cooking and reheating, and you want some form of joint to-do-list so essential admin doesn't get dropped. We've also accepted that the house isn't as clean as I'd like, and that we no longer put much time into making sure we are on the best deals for things like insurance. We also don't get a lot of free time.

I did the same as someone above and went part-time as I found it too much. I'm very glad I have now the kids are at school, as school is a lot harder to juggle than nursery. There's reading, then spelling / other homework to fit in, far more events in school hours than a working parent needs (assemblies, services, plays etc) and more demands on your weekend (not only for school, the kids want to do out of school activities as well). You also have to sort separate childcare for the holidays.

It is definitely worth investing now in making it feel a little more sustainable for you, given school doesn't make it any easier.

Cleaner

Hello Fresh box

Laundry collected and dropped off every week by a laundry company

A clear schedule for the mornings (eg I have until 8am to get ready so DS is solely your responsibility until 8am, and then we must switch, even if I’m not ready yet)

Set days on which we pick up (but flexible in case of late meetings, events, etc)