Two working parents - how do you juggle it all?

[CorBlimeyGovnr]

Just looking for some words of advice really. I’m back to work after maternity leave and finding it a bit of a shock on how DH and I can make it all work.

We are both working full time, but both senior with sometimes long hours and two children in nursery (including BF baby). We are lucky to have a cleaner too.

But just wondering how other parents juggle it all. We will take it in turns to WFH but it all seems like a real rush to be able to drop them to nursery and get to work then be around to pick them up again.

do you just have to be very very organised or is there some secret short cut I haven’t thought of?!

Here's my simple meal ideas:

• Buy big trays of chicken thighs/breast/drumsticks or pork chops/loin steaks. Break it into portions and put in ziplock bags with different marinades in each bag, bbq, honey & mustard, sundried tomato with olive oil and basil..... freeze. They will soak up the marinade while freezing and defrosting. Night before you want it stick it in the fridge, then when you get home just Chuck it in the oven for 30-45 minutes depending on size/bones. Serve with microwave rice or corn on the cob or salad or steamed brocolli/green beans/asparagus done in the microwave.
• quesadillas, fry off chicken or turkey strips with packet Mexican/taco seasoning, spread salsa on a tortilla, sprinkle of cheese, add chicken, another tortilla on top then fry it off, flip half way through so both sides get toasty.
• bolognaise or other pasta dish
• sausage bake, big roasting pan - sausages, chopped up potatoes, onion, peppers, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms. Add seasoning and olive oil. Bake for about 40 minutes, shaking every now and then to make sure everything goes brown.
• breakfast for dinner, kids usually love this one. Crumpets with scrambled egg on top, fancy up the scrambled egg with cheese, spring onion and peppers.

god this all sounds so depressing? children in childcare all day, every day and then slumped in front of the tv on weekends as parents are too knackered to do anything? why have children?!

Who has said anything about children being slumped in front of tv all day at the weekend?

god this all sounds so depressing? children in childcare all day, every day and then slumped in front of the tv on weekends as parents are too knackered to do anything? why have children?!

You alright sweetheart? Something happened to make you feel like you need to lash out at someone, or are you just insecure?

Plan, plan, plan. We do one end of the day each as a rule (I do mornings, he does evenings) but we flex that on a day by day basis. Literally sit down every Sunday evening with our work diaries and plan out. What are the meals. Who does which school run. Who walks the dogs.
Amazon prime is our friend. We outsource cleaning and ironing.
We have a chest freezer which helps and are relatively laid back about eating frozen pizza a lot
We'll often both catch up on emails "together" ie both with our laptops on the sofa. Ugh, that sounds awful when I type it, but at least we're in the same room.
It's hard. It's the price we pay for two good wages.

Hibby is 4 off 4 on pattern I am the afternoons. We have a good set of grannies to help pick up from school. Very fortunate.

It is really, really hard! Firstly, i'll say that I have the upmost admiration for full time working single mums, I don't know how you all do it, you are amazing ladies. I'm another one advocating for alternating drop offs/pick ups. Sometimes my husband will pick up the little ones after school and take them to the park for an hour on the way home which gives me time to work out if I can (or vice versa). That is honestly huge. Otherwise after a while, you sort of become resentful that your life is 100% work and 100% children, and 0% you. Forgive yourself for the cheat dinners when they happen, be it take aways, pizza, mac and cheese from a box etc. Not everyone has time to fully prepare and cook a nutritious feast, but that is life. Freeze a few meals every month if you are worried about it (lasagne, soups, etc). I do lentil soup frozen in the big square ice cube moulds and the little ones love it and it is perfectly portioned for storing in a freezer. For regular fast dinners, flatbread pizzas, sheet pan (sausage and veggies roasted) and I really love using an instant pot to make things like a batch of coconut rice or a curry (which again freezes well) which the children adore and eat fuss free. One other thing to mention is to have a gameplan for sick days (depends on the child's age, our 3 year old is now much easier when home, our 1 year old is not). I'm the breadwinner, but my job is infinitely more flexible and child friendly so 99% of the time i'm the one at home when they are.

Clothes ready for both yourself and the kids, shoes at the door. If car needs to be filled do it when you see it, not in the morning! Also remember no house has to be perfect (as someone says let your standards slide!!)

god this all sounds so depressing? children in childcare all day, every day and then slumped in front of the tv on weekends as parents are too knackered to do anything? why have children?!
When we’re both off together we go on hikes and day trips- no slumping!

Two in nursery is the easiest it will be logistically so you need to have things as smooth as possible now in terms of routine as the challenge later is logistics not the hard work of the early years. It gets easier later on because they sleep , don’t get as sick and are more independent but as things get cheaper and easier the level of organisation required needs to go up a bit.

The things that I have found hardest re the juggle compared to nursery:

• needing to fit in meal times, homework at the end off the day.
• 1/2 day finishes at the end of terms, random inset days, school trips with no coach (so parents needed for lifts)
• more concerts, nativities etc where your child really wants you but you’ve run out of leave.

My husband and I both put school stuff in our work diaries as soon as it is announced in a newsletter. It means we have things like ‘remember costume for world peace day’ or ‘buy cakes and give child £1 for cake sale’ in our diaries in one place. Holidays are planned far in advance and camps are booked as soon as they open. We have a leave chart until the end of 2024 with all of our leave booked out and days highlighted for when we need childcare. I plan to take 1/2 day for nativity, sports day and assume I will need 3 days for sick/unexpected stuff. Plan for this stuff so it is not a surprise and make sure you prioritise the things your child really wants you there for.

I would also say if you both work- invest in friendships with other parents in your children’s year. You will need favours and you should be willing to repay them. We often just can’t do the random transport during the middle of the day asks and need help. Similarly we can’t make every special assembly or harvest festival so knowing we have friends who will support our children in our absence/take videos helps remove a bit of the guilt.

Answer: not very well, and by living in a state of exhaustion.

We can't afford not to though.

One of us does drop offs and the other collections. It means that both of us can work a bit over (either at the start/end of the day). We're flexible around swapping but we usually stick at the same one as work are used to us either being available early or late.

We bulk cook using a slow cooker and meal plan. There's always tubs of frozen chilli/curry/bolognese in the freezer for quicker week day evening meals.

It's worth also looking at what wraparound care there is when they're school age, we found that much harder than nursery as the hours were shorter where we are and then you also have school holidays to juggle. You'll want to start looking early if needing a childminder to do the school run. A nanny can be invaluable at this point.