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Original poster

Two working parents - how do you juggle it all?

62 replies

CorBlimeyGovnr · 28/06/2023 21:30

Just looking for some words of advice really. I’m back to work after maternity leave and finding it a bit of a shock on how DH and I can make it all work.

We are both working full time, but both senior with sometimes long hours and two children in nursery (including BF baby). We are lucky to have a cleaner too.

But just wondering how other parents juggle it all. We will take it in turns to WFH but it all seems like a real rush to be able to drop them to nursery and get to work then be around to pick them up again.

do you just have to be very very organised or is there some secret short cut I haven’t thought of?!

OP posts:
keel34 · 29/06/2023 07:46
  1. cleaner and realistic expectations
  2. online shopping
  3. quiet weekends
  4. work together, make sure you each have downtime.
  5. do not feel guilty about the occasional annual leave day to yourself with kid in nursery (go out with your DH!)

Nowadays flexible and home working goes a long way in helping, but I didn't have it when I had babies so it's possible to manage without but easier if you can get it!

Most of all, just don't be hard on yourself, it's a tricky couple of years but it doesn't last forever, remember to make some time with your partner, don't put your relationship on hold.

HAF1119 · 29/06/2023 07:47

5 days a week Childcare and lots of rushing :) I do some WFH whilst little one is sleeping to save on a little childcare so we only use 9-3.30 and when we get home I either have something set up for little one to do while I cook/clean or he helps with it.

My little boy from a young age has known that unless he has friends it's one toy away when one comes out, I've always been pretty rigid with that or it gets too much in morning/evening to juggle, that really helps. He's 4 now and always follows that so it doesn't get too untidy

Oh and I sprinkle small bits of paper on the floor twice a week for him while I cook and he gets the big hoover out and hoovers them which means he does the rest at the same time - he happens to love hoovers so that helps with that!

And it helps to encourage independent dressing/pouring of cereal etc as early as possible. Mine likes cutting salad while I do other things, always does his own cereal and milk, he enjoys doing it and feels he's a 'big boy' which is nice

Ominot · 29/06/2023 07:47

Cleaner, learn to say no and the something that’s intrinsic to the person which is your personality. Some people are just more efficient or better at juggling multiple tasks. It’s very much processing speed for instance and I feel it’s just quite natural. I’m speedy in a way that a bit abnormal with everything. It’s actually down to laziness and wanting leisure time. I’m retired now and work as a volunteer so I’m doing that this morning, then I’m doing laundry and making some crafts for a tombola but I also want to do some online gaming, Diablo 4. So because my reward is to sit on my arse killing demons I will do it with gusto. Trouble, is gusto can be in short supply when small children are draining you like the delightful little parasites they are. So have something for you however small that you love, reading, embroidery, knitting, drawing, something that can be picked up however briefly. Also try and do some exercise, I used to take my lunch hour and balls to work as if I stayed at my desk I was always bothered.

When I was in those years I dropped DS at nursery on campus, shopped online in my lunch hour with a visit once a week to the market on a Saturday. DH took over laundry as he enjoyed it, one of his ancestors was a laundress so he always jokes it’s in the blood. We had a cleaner come every Friday so house was always tidied on a Thursday. Too late now but when I was PG we had a massive declutter. I always bought clothes that needed minimal or no ironing.

The years fly by and now I have a huge lad at home who will be moving out in a few months and I miss the years of the little poobum sticking marbles in my shoes because he thinks it’s funny.

Learn to say no.

This time will pass though it feels relentless currently.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families
HAF1119 · 29/06/2023 07:48

Ah and one take the little one out for a couple hours while the other does batch cooking to cover a couple of weekdays. Some batch cooked food is great

Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 29/06/2023 07:49

You're fortunate to be able to afford help, many parents working full time don’t have this luxury.

So thankful I don’t have this issue, one of the main reasons we opted against having children was the huge disruption to our routine and lives that comes with them. Kudos to all you exhausted parents out there, you’re far more selfless than me!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 29/06/2023 07:51

How do I juggle? As a single parent I just grit my teeth and get in with it. Have lowered my standards in the house - as long as the bathrooms and kitchen aren't a health hazard and everyone is fed that's enough 😜

Focalpoint · 29/06/2023 08:02

Cutting out "long hours" by unrelenting focus on what is important / adds value / makes a difference and cutting out on as much of the time wasting as possible.

coodawoodashooda · 29/06/2023 08:03

ladykale · 28/06/2023 23:25

Depending on how much you earn - a full or part time nanny can work wonders!

Show quote history

I had this. It was so political. I'd never suggest that having coped it before.

mobear · 29/06/2023 08:06

Our nursery hours are 8-6, and include all meals. I’ve found my anxiety over being late has lessened over time. COOK meals are a saviour during the week for me and DP. We both finish off work after DC has gone to bed if need be.

mobear · 29/06/2023 08:08

Oh, and as other PPs have suggested, we have a cleaner and I do all our food shopping online.

OhDoh · 29/06/2023 08:10

By lowering my standards in the house and a childminder who feeds DS dinner..

ThisIsACoolUserName · 29/06/2023 08:15

No kids myself, but all of my friends have them.
Some don't work, some have hobby jobs, some work part time in 'career' roles and some work full time.
It's frightening watching the friends who work full time. They are stretched so desperately thin, they are at breaking point. And there's years of it ahead of them, with no break.
If one of you could swing a 4-day week, it seems to make a big difference to quality of life.

wildfirewonder · 29/06/2023 08:20
  1. be very organised - do not leave stuff til the morning
  2. lower standards (on everything - cleaning, food complexity rather than nutrition, weekend activities to save energy)
  3. cut hours by 10% if possible to give wiggle room
HelloUtrecht · 29/06/2023 08:30

We take it in turns to drop off and pick up. On his drop off day, I head in early and then get back in plenty of time to pick up. Vice versa on my drop off days - he picks up, so I can stay late if i need to. One of us does the bath while the other has a bit of a tidy up downstairs or a rest or catches up on work.

wingingit1987 · 29/06/2023 08:44

Mum of 5 and a nurse. I cut my hours back and I’m now part time. I work on my husbands days/evenings off. Like others have said, organisation is key. Do your shopping online. Use your weekends to iron for the week ahead etc. it’s a lot though and once they are in school I think it’s harder as you then have to work out school holiday childcare etc.

Blarn · 29/06/2023 08:55

Accepting that it is abalancing act, most mornings are a rush and sometimes you will be delayed.

I used to get everything packed the night before. Coats and shoes ready, bags packed for everyone, clothes out, even spoons in bowls ready for breakfast. We only had two nursery days with both dds and when I returned from mat leave dd1 was 3 and dd2 9 months. Baby in the pushchair or carrier, dd1 walking and out of the house by 7:05 to drop them to get the bus for nursery to drop them off by 7:45 so I could get to work by 8:30. I took pride in how efficient I was! Dh worked odd shifts so nearly all of the nursery drop offs and pick ups were me.

And if they have had hot meals at nursery, I didn't worry about giving them a sandwich or even toast for supper/ dinner. And then dh and I could get something for us later. I also worked five days a week but three shorter days and these allowed me to keep on top of the house being vaguely clean.

It is hard when they are small because everything is down to you. As they get older they can get themselves dressed, eat breakfast, go to the loo on their own etc. Although I have come into work today without my laptop bag so I think I need to go back to those days if military organisation!

DelurkingAJ · 29/06/2023 09:04

An amazing childminder (she is officially an Ofsted nanny so only has two families at any time) who was flexible (we never took advantage). The real plus side is that she still does wrap around for us (DSs are 10 and 7). She fed them. So we collected at 6, had some chill time and the boys were still in bed in good time.

And then, yes, teamwork. DH and I pull together. When he’s stupidly busy at work I shoulder the load, when I’m busier he picks up the slack.

chezpopbang · 29/06/2023 15:36

We get everything we can ready the night before, outfit chosen for all of us, pack lunch made and in fridge. Bags and shoes on pegs and ready to go. We get up between 6.30 and 6.45. I get in the shower, husband makes us all breakfast. We all eat together, (often I'm in my towel robe) husband gets in shower when we are done. I get kids ready and myself dressed while he is in the shower. I continue getting ready while he gets dressed. Make the bed, downstairs, shoes on for kids and I get lunch's while my husband puts the breakfast bits in the dishwasher. Shoes on for adults, out the door. It is none stop and then it's the same when we get home.

Emmacb82 · 29/06/2023 16:01

My dh works mon-fri 9-5 and I work nights and weekends. I don’t sleep after my nights as I have a toddler so that can be a killer but I’m around for all the school drop offs and pick ups and holidays so it works well. We accept that the house won’t ever look perfect and dip in and out of the cleaning/chores between us, he is better than me in this respect which also helps. It’s a tiring, stressful life and we have no family or friends to help with childcare so it’s a never ending slog but it won’t last forever.

Original poster
CorBlimeyGovnr · 29/06/2023 20:29

Some really helpful posts on here, thank you. To answer some questions:

  • I’m not against a nanny but my toddler is absolutely loving nursery and quite shy with those she doesn’t know so I would be hesitant to pull her out and the nanny to take her to playgroups etc as I don’t think she’d join in as much as nursery
  • Neither me or my husband are in a position to go part time. Id absolutely love to but my role is one where I’m responsible for the whole role, so even if I did it 4 days then I’d still be doing the same role and getting paid less for it. Husband’s role probably has more flex but his salary is 20% more than mine so seems a lot to give up (but one for discussion).
  • the idea of splitting the drop offs and pick ups is great. I work in London and live in Surrey and our nursery closes at 6…. So to get home for nursery pick up I’d have to leave at 4.30. I think the person WFH would do nursery runs instead for ease.
  • we have a fantastic cleaner and my husband is very hands on with split of chores / childcare
  • menu planning - love the idea of saying that every Monday will be fish, Tuesday veggie etc and getting more prepped with meal planning. I really dislike hello fresh thouhj as the meals seem to take forever to prep?!

on that front - anyone got any really easy and nutritious quick ideas? We tend to do teriyaki salmon, rice & brocolli a lot for ease - that kind of thing and ideas would be great

OP posts:
Original poster
CorBlimeyGovnr · 29/06/2023 20:30

Massive kudos to those who do all of this on their own btw. You’re absolutely amazing ⭐️

OP posts:
Peony26 · 29/06/2023 20:47

Yes very organised! Everything done the night before. Early nights so have more time in the morning. Online weekly shop, cleaner every Friday. We try to have 1 weekend day for chores and the other as a family day. And we put our washing on of a night and unload in the morning to stay on top of it.

Peony26 · 29/06/2023 20:50

Forgot to mention how much I love my robot hoover 😂

LostMySocks · 29/06/2023 20:57

Mine are now a bit older but as others have said top and tail drop offs and pick ups. Also if your work has a degree of flexibility can you work on your commute as that used to give me a little extra time.

Make sure that you check wrap around care situation at your local primary schools. There are usually lots of holiday clubs around when they reach school age or sometimes we did day long playdate swaps with other families.

Also get comfortable with a little chaos although when everyone is out all day things usually stay slightly more tidy.

Ginola2345 · 29/06/2023 20:59

I only worked part time very locally and DH worked FT long drive 90 min each way so he was fit for nothing when he got home.

On the days I was working (in-fact 7 days a week) I laid clothes out the night before, when they woke up I laid out PJ’s or sleep-suits out on the bannister etc.

I lowered my standards with housework.

I taped nursery/school notices to the inside of the kitchen cupboard as a reminder and also dealt with things promptly so I didn’t forget things or loose them and I put reminders on the calendar and latterly on my phone.