When did your parents become “old”?

[GormlessBeast]

What age did they change from being adults you could talk to about stuff to old people?

Where they don’t listen, don’t ask any questions just tell you a list of what they’ve done or some “facts” from the newspaper?

Mum was fairly sensible until she hit 71/72. Now at 77 she’s got an older way about her. We skim over everything and she just tells me things or wants to talk about the DGC. Is this just normal ageing? It’s pretty depressing.

My dad died at 64, so never really seemed old.

Mum's world was quite small to begin with when she stopped working. but after dad died she seemed to age 10 years overnight. She moved into sheltered accommodation a couple of years after dad died, was only 66 so very young to do so. Died a few years later, only 69 but with the outlook of someone in their 80's.

My mum when she was about 60/61. It’s like she became afraid of everything overnight and all she talks about is her or her friends health problems. Doesn’t seem to have any hobbies or find joy in anything any longer (other than criticising people for silly things e.g opening their curtains late, using a cleaner 🫤). My dad is a few years older but doesn’t seem to have hit that phase yet even though he is not in the best of health. He is still open minded and curious about the world. Yo can still have a decent conversation with him.

My in laws are the opposite. My mother in law still has a very young outlook on life, in her mid 60’s. Still adventurous and interested in having a good time etc. Her husband ages terribly as soon as he retired at 65. Just instantly became frail and doddery.

its odd because I didn’t expect our parents to get properly old until they were nearing 80. Their parents (our grandparents) actually seemed to age better. You could still have a decent conversation with my Nan until she was in her late 80’s

Mine (and FIL) are early to mid 80s and not like that. I though they were heading that way in the pandemic but they have bounced back. DF is physically a bit frail but mentally very sharp and all three of them are active and sociable.

My mum is 76, I am noticing that she is suddenly looking older, and seems slower cognitively, her personality hasn't changed though.

My father in law has become very self obsessed and rude in the last year, he doesn't seem to have a filter and just says whatever he is thinking, but he still seems as with it as ever. He is 84

I'm wondering how old people's kids were before they stopped relentlessly talking about and focusing on themselves.

My mother changed a lot in her mid 60s, although there was a noticeable shift in her late 50s too: she had been curious, interested in the world, glamourous, open minded, but her world became much smaller, her views changed to the right, she became fearful, stricter (she tried to control my movements more when I was home for my uni holidays than when I'd been 15-16). I noticed how scathing she was about her friends, and neighbours. Retiring at 60 and moving to a village when she couldn't drive was not a good move for her.

My dad died last year aged 94. Still kept up with the issues of the day and capable of hugely complex discussions almost until the very last (former academic.) But personal discussions became difficult the last two years or so before his death. A mixture of forgetfulness, attention span and what I think was gradual withdrawal. Heartbreaking as my DSis had been instigating some major emotional drama between family members and he was the one person who'd always best been able to get through to her in such circumstances, but he just didn't have it in himself anymore.

Mum is 88 and still lucid and relatively active as well but was never one for personal confidences as far back as I can remember, so little change there.

My parents are in their mid 70s and mentally they have not changed, sharp as tacks. My Dad has gotten a bit more deaf but has no interest in getting a hearing aid so you may have to repeat things a couple of times if you are chatting in a group. I have an uncle nearly 90 and he is sharper than anyone else I know.

This sounds similar to my DM. She’s 73 now but she suddenly seems to have got ‘old’ in the last 2 years. I remember thinking when she retired that she didn’t seem old like other retired people.

Mine are 87 and almost 89 and both still mentally sharp. Mum struggles a bit through deafness, but dad is fine. I don't tend to discuss stuff with them as we aren't particularly close and I don't feel the need, but I could if I wanted to.

Lost my Mum last year, I’d say she had a fairly good approach to life in general until the last few months when she was unwell, she was 90. My Dad is over 90 and still pretty good, we can still talk about anything.

My parents aged very noticeabley when the pandemic hit, even though they were 86 and 84 when the first lock down started they’d been active and much younger than their years up until that point.

My Dad had an accident during the first week of the first lockdown and wasn’t able to have the necessary physio and as a result has been left with pain and a mobility issue. By the time that he was able to have an appointment it was too late for any treatment to be of any benefit. As a consequence he now looks his age and there’s a lot that he now can’t do and needs help with.

My Mother became terrified of Covid and was reclusive even when we were allowed to socialise again. Even for some months after the time when we were allowed indoors we still had to stand on the drive when we went around. I think lack of activity affected her and what felt like overnight she went from being a ‘young’ healthy lady who was always busy to a frail one who needed a frame to walk and an orthopaedic recliner as she couldn’t make it upstairs to bed. Pre-Covid I would’ve said that she’d live to be 100 but she died last year, the decline and how quickly she aged still doesn’t seem real.

That’s a pretty horrible OP tbh, why is no one else picking up on that? 😏

I reported it

Probably about 75/76 I think

My parents are mid 70's and their world is pretty small, had been for a while, but 'being old' has been noticeable since entering 70's really. My dad especially the last couple of years as he still worked regularly until then and got on well with his colleagues - he enjoyed the craic, now he works rarely and mostly has mum for company, she has always dwelt in the minutia of life and jokes fly over her head, so he's just atrophied socially. Mum is still busy in her church community so though she was always the 'older' one, she is now faring better than he (though you never really could talk to her about much really as she isn't very well informed and just absorbs others opinions, so believes the same as whoever she's talking to for a while.

Not meaning to be horrible or offend anyone. I am just feeling worried that mum has gone from someone who I could have proper conversations with to someone whose world seems so small and different.

It’s like losing her before she has actually gone as she was so energetic and interesting before she aged. I know lots of older people who are still bright and engaged in life. It seems so sad. Also always on the lookout for signs of dementia as well, so there’s the worry of that.

That’s a pretty horrible OP tbh, why is no one else picking up on that? 😏

Yoh might think it’s horrible but it’s many people’s reality I’m afraid.

My parents were always unpleasant people so I dread to think what they’re like now, I don’t see them. But about half of my friends parents changed from nice people capable of a two way conversation, interested in the world and people, to not listening and only talking at others anywhere from late 60s onwards. It’s actually been very difficult for friends to deal with and try to maintain a relationship.

My parents have never been ones to listen or ask any questions. My dad doesnt say much and my mum just tells me stuff - sort of on broadcast. No real change and in their 70s. I don't think of them as old.

How awful. I'm 60 at the end of next month and raring to go
My husband is 64 looks 44 which helps !!!!

They’ve still got their marbles, but their world has got much smaller.

I think this is the perfect way of describing it. I think, when you see the younger generations passing you by - not just doing things that you don't care about, but many (routine to them) things that you simply can't comprehend, many older folk decide that, instead of bothering to try to 'keep up', they will retreat to what they know, understand, like and feel safe with and step out of the rat race. I'm only middle-aged, but I can already see myself doing this to an extent.

Obviously, the age will vary for different people - and my own parents were never lucky enough to get old; but I think it's a very sobering thought when it properly hits you that the time you have left is limited. Things that, at 30, 40, 50 might have been categorised as "I must/will/might sometime" become things that you realise you will never have the time left to do - whether because you are very, very old/ill, don't have the physical ability to do or simply decide to prioritise the things that are more important to you.

If you figure that you might realistically only have time to read, say, 50 books at most in your life, you aren't going to waste time with ones that might be meh when there are others that you know you will love.

I actually remember my lovely FIL commenting along these lines, when he was 70, that he hopefully had something like 15 years of life left at most, so he wanted to make the most of it. He is now 81, and still with us; but his physical and mental abilities have seriously deteriorated. We all very much hope that he will get to 85, but there's every probability now that he may not. It's not necessarily just how many years of life you may have left, but how many good years. It saddens me to say that, whilst he is still with us and a much loved part of the family - we hope for a lot longer yet - his good years have now all gone

We sort of echo this rationale ourselves when it comes to holidays, which we always spend in the UK. We figure that there are so many lovely places in our own country that we want to go to again/for the first time, and only limited free time to do so, that it seems silly to go much further afield and miss out on all of those opportunities that we know and love on our doorstep.

My parents are in their early 60's and while they-dad especially have had their share of scary health stuff they are still very active and where I always go for advice. Mum has retired, dad still works a physical job, they both will babysit toddler and infant grandchildren, they travel loads and are always hiking etc. My inlaws are only a few years older but have debilitating conditions which means their world is a lot smaller. My FIL rarely leaves the house now and MIL needs mobility aids and struggles to walk/ drive. They have aged prematurely.

My df still read the Telegraph end to end every day at 79, including foreign news, stocks and shares and sports. He died just before he was 80. One day up to 2 years before he died, he was talking about some future development and added that he didn't think he'd be there to see it. Contrasting that with the year before his 70th when he stated that come his birthday he'd be on borrowed time, and that his intention was to cheat the old bugger ie God, out of a few years yet.
I've had so many changes in the last 35 years none of which he saw and I'd give anything for an hour with him to bring him up to date - moving to France, having a DC, divorcing after 40 years, getting my qualifications at 39 after not being able to do articles in my 20s, and my FCA at 60 after I left xh. Nobody else grieved after he died, my dm hated him and xh bore a grudge at never being asked to call him by his Christian name.
Just shows that the old bugger was a good judge of character, like the Maine coon who used to bite him when he was heavy handed with her. He died 3.2.87, managing to hang on to not die on xh's birthday after 2 massive strokes.

Been an emotional day, all told.

My dad was 59 when he died, so he never had the opportunity. My mother died when she was 67, she had mnd so the disease aged her, but she never really stopped zooming until she couldn't.

My dad died at 81. He was still my favourite person to talk too - so interested and interesting.