Is it really unusual to be someone who keeps a confidence?

[AmicableHonest]

My husband recently told me that I'm very unusual as I don't ever share if someone tells me something in confidence. Twice recently I've been surprised by people sharing confidential information - one a work colleague, one a close relative. In the latter case it was information I'd shared and been very clear it was utterly confidential, and have been very hurt to find out that other relatives had been told (in quite a gossipy way which makes it worse IMO). Am I really that unusual not to ever do this?

No, I’ll take some shit to the grave.

I'm the same. Take it to the grave. Not my story to tell & I couldn't betray someone's trust in me.

No. I think if you’re a person for whom integrity matters - and there are some of us around - we do not betray confidences. It’s also crucial in some professions.

If I’d been told in confidence I’d keep it to myself. I find it amazing the number of people who can’t hold water.

Judging by any conspiracy threads where people are insistent on the fact that nobody can keep a secret, I'd say you are unusual. I'm not interested in gossiping, whenever I tried to join in with it when young and foolish I aways ended up badly regretting it, despite the fact everyone else was merrily sharing secrets and slagging people off .

Can't think of any secrsts I have (probably forgotten, not that interested in other people's lives)

I can absolutely keep a confidence. I also have friends I can talk to and if I want to talk about something I've been told I know they don't know each other and I don't use names so if I have a dilemma I can talk in complete confidence that it's confidential.

I will take something to grave but over the yrs i've been quite shocked by the amount of people who don't have any discretion particularly when in jobs where they should have.

If someone tells me something l know they shouldn't have l will never trust them with something l want confidential. My dm had an amazing capacity to keep things confidential even in a big family. I really admired that so have carried it on in my own life. I think some people don't actually realise what confidential means!

Yes I think it is when I remember all the things I've 'heard' about people that they would never have chosen to have made public.

Everyone swears they are the soul of discretion, but the saying goes "three may keep a secret if two of them are dead" (or various ways to paraphrase it) for a reason.

Highly unusual in my experience. Like pp's if someone tells me something in confidence then I'll never repeat it. But you see it on here all the time that people think that doesn't include their DH as they 'can't keep secrets from him' aka they love a gossip. Or they immediately tell another friend.

It astounds me that so many people are incapable of maintaining relationship outside their primary one.

I'm the same. The recent thread where the majority of MN mers thought it entirely reasonable (if not compulsory) to spill their friends confidences to their own DH/partner depressed me hugely.

If you share something with me and ask me to keep it to myself (or even if you don't ask me to, but I recognise that you wouldn't want me to tell anyone) then your information is absolutely safe.

Anyone who didn't respect my confidences would no longer be my friend. Integrity is really important to me.

It depends.

Proper secrets. Stuff that is painful, or personal, or an opinion shared in trust will never pass my lips.

But I live for idle gossip. Not mean stuff. Just general discussion on who's doing what.

There are so many times when I haven't spoken to a friend about something personal, because I either don't like, don't trust or have no interest in the opinion of her husband, who I know she is going to talk to about it

If told something in confidence I would keep the secret, however I have somethings I’d never share with other people. If you want to keep something secret tell no one!

@AmicableHonest
I treat my sources as if I'm running agents in the field.
Bottom line if your told various intelligence parts or any potential information, all it takes is one slip and then your source doesn't trust you with further intelligence, therefore in my view it's better to keep lines of intelligence open as you never know what intelligence they may have.

Besides we all learn that eg once someone says I can keep a secret, how long that supposed secret actually stays secret.

Bottom line hear all, (or as much as possible) and trust no one and no computer.

Sometimes it's useful to do what tyrion did in game of thrones, give each close person one set of intelligence then when that information becomes known then you know who your leak was.

I always presumed and learned that partners are the first ones to never be trusted,

That's the puzzlement there all happy to share but when the pickles get chopped in the fan, they soon willing to say it's x etc

I’m a keeper of confidence, but I’ve found - through bitter experience - that the majority of people are not. People cannot resist gossip, it’s about them and the power of revealing held information in that brief moment.

I was going to refer to that too.
I couldn't believe how many people thought it was okay to tell their partner everything they heard, anywhere

No, OP, I don't think you are unusual, I think that is a normal thing to do. Unfortunately there are plenty that do though.

I'm one of those people too. I wouldn't even share someone else's secrets with a completely unconnected person. It would taint my soul lol.

Unfortunately, I assumed my (ex)friend was the same until her husband asked me about something I'd told her in confidence. She whacked him in the arm and gave him a look then he giggled and said "Oops. I forgot I wasn't supposed to know that."

They're dead to me now.

I never, ever repeat anything I’m told in confidence, ever.

Years ago my sister-in-law and I were both pregnant at the same time, both told my Mum presuming she’d let the family know the good news…she didn’t! She truly kept everything told to her confidential.
I loathe gossip, and malicious retelling of information. I like privacy. My village is a cesspit of nasty Chinese Whispers of information, I hate it and will never join in. I’m ostracised because of this.

Yeah I won't tell peoples secrets even to my husband, if anyone wants to tell me gossip I am more than happy to listen though

I'm incredibly discrete.
One of the main reasons is that I don't really care about what people are getting up to in their lives. Nothing shocks me. My mum will share gossip with me, and I'm always: 🤷🏼‍♀️ 'Errm, ok'.
I don't react, and I tell noone.
Because of that, people are constantly confiding in me - but its something I don't crave or solicit.