No party food or drink provided

[ImaMumtoaboy]

So my ds(11) went to a football party yesterday. The minute we got in the car he asked to go the shop for a drink as he was so thirsty.
Party was at the local astro pitch, party room included that has 2 ovens, hob, 2 toasters, 2 microwaves and 2 fridges. Most parents bring in frozen pizzas and chips and cook them or order in pizzas.
Kids were running around for 2 hours in hot weather they were not offered any drinks during that time.
He said in the "party room" they got 1 small bottle of water (250ml) and a small slice of birthday cake. They only went into the room 10 minutes before I arrived to collect him.
When I went in the mother was packing up the cake which looked like there was about 3/4's left. I thought the kids must have had enough food that they didnt want cake. And parents cleaned up very quickly. Kids were all quiet(14 11/12 yr old boys) who are normally very loud at parties. Kids were just sitting waiting to be collected.Turns out they got a very very skinny slice, described by ds as thinner then a slice of bread.
Ended up bringing him to Mcdonalds as a treat and we seen 2 other parents of kids that were at the same party getting their kids food.

Set-in-stone expectation for birthdays round here is 2 hours including activity, drinks and food - this is even when the party is at an odd time like 10-midday; the food gets dished up at 11.30am. 3-5pm; the kids get fed at 4.30pm.

Always either sandwiches/crisps/party rings or pizza/nuggets/chips. Always also a cake which is always presented for singing, then spirited away and cut into pieces, wrapped in a napkin and sent home in the party bag.

I would be quite confused if there was no food provided at all at a party, but only because it seems to be such standard practice! Not because I would necessarily think the parents were rude or cheap.

In any case, it sounds a bit odd and maybe misjudged, but these things happen. Maybe they aren't used to giving kids' parties (or invited to many) and assumed it would be fine. I don't think it's worth getting exercised about.

If no food or drink they should specify on the invite so parents can feed the kids first (you wouldn’t give them lunch or going between 12-2) and also it costs little to get some paper cups and fill a jug with water

I think this is going to become more and more common as the cost of living bites but people want to mask family circumstances from their kids.
I’ve lived through high costs of living before- but the current uncertainty is throwing a lot of people for a loop

Tell me this is MN without telling telling me 🤣🤣🤣

That is cheeky. Not hard to feed kids - lots of drinks, pizza and giving them all a thin slice of cake is mean.

Also odd that she texts you to ask if you are providing lunch. I had a mother that did that obsessively with her son, he doesn't come over anymore. I always, always feed kids but I am not keen on that being micromanaged by someone when I am looking after their kid for them.

Water is free from the tap (you can jazz it up with squash from a whopping 45p).

You can get a basic cheese pizza for 90p (even just 1 slice each you would only need 2) a whopping £1.80.

You can get a bag of frozen fries or smiles for under £1.50.

They clearly had a large cake too.

It might be a snack more than a 'meal' but comes in at a bank breaking £3.75... for a family that could afford sport pitch hire prices and a large cake.

Even if you add party plates and cups for ease thats only £2 more.

There is not really any excuse for paying to hire a location but not putting on any food, legally your suppose to have access to water as a basic right.

They could afford a big cake but took most of it home. Are you saying that’s food for the family for the week?
And could they not afford to turn the tap on to give the kids water??

If cake is good enough for the subjects of Marie Antoinette it's good enough for your ds.

Yes the teens in my life are attached to theirs at the moment

If you host a party over a regular meal time then US hosting etiquette is that you provide sufficient food suitable for that meal. If you can't provide a meal, or don't want to, then hold the party so it isn't over a standard meal time. A slice of cake would be fine for a 10 - 12 party or 2 - 4. Water should definitely have been provided at the least or the invitation should have been clear that the children should have brought their own.

I guess UK etiquette is very different to the US though, throwing your own baby shower for your third kid for example.

They didn't do anyway as the server served then a sensible portion of cake

12-2 I wouldn't have given lunch before hand, maybe a light snack. My DC would be starving by 2! I would have sent them with a water bottle and they would have asked for a top-up as needed.

DS has been to a football party with just cake and drinks before. I can't remember, but I'm assuming it wasn't over a meal time though, because it was fine and there was no drama over a lack of food.

These are kids that had been playing football, so let's say they needed the calories in a good big bit of cake, eh?

OP, one thing you can be sure of: the birthday kid's parents will NEVER live this down, and nobody will go to his party next year.

Honestly can you just stop with the obsession over what a sensible portion of cake is. You've made the same point about 4 times now and we all got the message. Believe it or not some of us care more about properly catering to guests than stressing over the correct portion size of a bloody cake.

Baby showers are a US thing... UK ettiquette is its tacky and rude to throw a party expecting gifts (certainly never to dictate gifts).

Unfortunately American culture is rubbing off on the shameless.

They sounds tight and measly. If you can’t afford a party including food and drinks then you shouldn’t hold one. I expect all the guests brought along birthday presents. It’s so rude. It doesn’t take much effort to cook a few pizzas and put out some crisps.

Some of the responses 🙄🤣

Haha!! Still not over how weird it is to throw your own baby shower.

I would always feed my child breakfast and a snack before a physical party like football and send them with a water bottle so they would have been fine for 2 hours.

I just couldn’t get that upset about someone inviting my child to an activity and not feeding them, but then party food is nearly always crap anyway so I’d feed them again after anyway.

How strange!
I’d never dream of putting on any kind of party without food and drink. For such an active one I’d be supplying water and a decent buffet plus cake!

I would have fully expected them to provide food and drinks, especially drinks.

It wouldn’t have cost a lot to put some frozen pizzas, crisps and drinks out.

If they weren’t providing food they should have said.

It’s been 25degrees here today and I’d not be happy if my child was running around for 2 hours in this heat without a drink.

Sounds like selfish hosts.

My interpretation is they made the cake and decided they wanted most of it for themselves and the birthday child, and would only give everyone else a small amount. Which then explains why the children attending didn't have free access to the kitchen tap - the cake was in there and the birthday child's parents thought the other kids would start eating it without permission.

And OP made it clear that the usual thing is to provide food. I find it hard to image the "host" could afford the room hire but couldn't even get some value food, snacks, or fruit.

My childhood was in a post industrial small town, never ever would there have been a birthday party without squash, sandwiches, crisps, cake, and jelly and blancmange. Providing nothing and not making it clear kids should bring packed lunch is mean rude and weird.

(the birthday cake was sliced up at the end to take home and eat, no party bags. The squash was mixed 3x as strong as normal daily squash and made your mouth feel a bit burny)

Some years we couldn’t afford a party with food & drink. So we didn’t have one. Took child out for the day.
It sounds to me like they wanted all the gifts with minimum outlay.

I went to a get together yesterday that wasn't a party. The hosts provided the first drink - it was at a venue with a bar - and had laid on chips and dips and various other nibbles. Not to give kids drinks and party food is penny pinching.

Bonkers responses on this thread. It’s rude to make anyone of any age go to anything during a meal time and prevent them from having something to eat. (Unless there is a war on) Ops son was prevented from having lunch because he was made to go somewhere at lunchtime where no real food was provided and no notice was given that this was the case. That is RUDE. If the party host had either notified that no lunch was provided or held the party between meal times then it would have been acceptable not to provide food.