I really am big enough and ugly enough to see myself home

[Youknowaboutthepaint]

I'm a single middle aged woman. I have a wide social circle and a busy social life, friends of both sexes.

After an evening out there is always a "discussion" about how I'll get home. I live with walking distance of our regular pub and of the station if we've been further afield.

I am perfectly comfortable walking home by myself. In fact I'm just back from a trip where I walked 120 miles all alone. However, my friends don't want to "allow" it. The men will insist on seeing me home, sometimes women even make their husbands walk me home! It doesn't matter how much I tell them I'm fine, they insist and come anyway. Sometimes this means I'm walking home alone with a man I barely know - statistically I'm probably safer alone.

I know they think they're doing the right thing but surely a woman should have the right to make these decisions herself?

Of course women have the right to make decisions for themselves.

You however don't appear to be sticking to them, so there's no point in complaining really.

No-one forces me to walk anywhere with anyone I don't want to, no matter who they are (not that I mind being walked home by well meaning friends).

Do if I'm leaving the pub or the station to walk home and someone comes with me, won't take no for an answer, how exactly do I prevent it?

Sounds like they really do like you, don't knock it. Nice to have company walking home.

You could try running, say you're practising for a marathon.

Oh come on, you look them in the eye and tell them that for whatever reason, you do NOT want to walk with them. Wish them a goodnight and tell them you want to walk alone.

Unless they're a harassing weirdo, they're not going to follow you after that.

I'm not sure why you have a problem with being walked home but that's your business. I just don't see the point in complaining if you're not going to stick to it.

Home from the pub? 😆

Obviously you've been there and I haven't.

I don't want people going out of their way for me, especially not my friends' husbands on instructions. They're obviously more scared of their wives than they are of me.

Kindness is a precious commodity and often in short supply. "I really feel fine walking home on my own but I appreciate your kindness. I am sure I will enjoy your company."

I've had this, and find it utterly infuriating. Apparently women can't be trusted to make their own risk assessments. But I agree with the pp that it is possible to firmly refuse.

Yes, I know what you mean but sometimes it feels more controlling than kind. Having their will imposed on me. I'm supposed to worry more about how they feel (bad for letting me go alone) than I feel.

Then you have to tell them and stick to it.

Tell your friends how very strongly you feel about it and again - stick to it.

There's no other solution is there?

Buy why do I need to be "firm"? Is it OK in other circumstances for a woman's no to mean no only if she proves she really means it?

Illogical, Cap'n, as Spock would say.

A woman who is confident enough to walk home alone at night is MORE THAN capable of fending off unwanted offers from any dopy men (or daft women).

Just say no louder and sharper

They're obviously more scared of their wives than they are of me.

Well, you can change that. :-)

OP "Do if I'm leaving the pub or the station to walk home and someone comes with me, won't take no for an answer, how exactly do I prevent it?"

I have been in the situation you describe. I said straight out "your DH walking me home is no different than a stranger walking me home" but admittedly that was to an acquaintance. If it's friends, I'd say I prefer to walk alone.

Look, this thread has been done to death and being firm has really only been the solution.

The 'Why should I have to be firm' and the 'Is it ok to ignore a woman saying no in other circumstances' etc is neither here nor there really because we're talking about this particular circumstance where your friends feel they're looking after you.

You don't need looking after so just make yourself clear and don't overthink it by bringing other circumstances into it.

Do if I'm leaving the pub or the station to walk home and someone comes with me, won't take no for an answer, how exactly do I prevent it?

Exactly the same way you would if you came out of the pub /station and any unknown man tried it on, pestering you to go with him and wouldn't take no for an answer.

I learned that when I was a teenager ; didn't we all?

You’re complaining about a group of people who care enough about you to worry for your safety?

Buy why? Why is it my job to convince them I mean no?

I just leave fast, no lengthy goodbyes, I just stand up say 'ok lovely seeing you all, I'm off, bye' and leave at a fast walk. Don't give them time to get up.

Seems like your friends don't really know you. If they did they'd know not to offer.

Have you been on earth long?

Because obviously they'll be thinking you just don't want to put the out, or take advantage of their kindness.

Thank you, you've made my point. It's really OK that I need to treat my friends the same way as a weirdo in the street to get them to take my word for it?

So why aren't you having this conversation with your friends if it's annoying you so much?

There's no point in complaining on MN if you're not going to take it up with them.

I get it. But they clearly care to point they feel better knowing you're home safely.

If it means that much to them, and it's a short walk, I'd just acquiesce and be grateful to be loved.