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Original poster

Do you think my "friend" reported me to social services?

66 replies

sayalittlewhisper · 20/06/2023 14:46

I'm 28 and since I was 19 I was a full time carer for my mum who had early onset dementia and over the last two years breast cancer.
My Dad passed away when I was 11.
After he died I was left money from him which was mine when I turned 18.
Looking after my mum was stressful and isolating and I liked to treat myself to clothes etc.
A "friend " of mine would always ask me questions how I could afford this on carers allowance and I didn't want to discuss money so I laughed it off and said I have a money tree.

She asked to borrow £500 and I said no (as she never pays me back ) this caused a huge argument and she stopped speaking to me and blocked me on everything.

A month later my mums social worker rang me and asked to come and see me.
Someone had rang the hotline saying my mum was being financially abused.
I went through months of hell ,providing bank statements,showing how my mums money was spent and what on (at one point justifying why I spent £10 on bandages instead of asking the GP for them for free )
I was told they were happy that my mum wasn't being financially abused and we were left alone.

In the mean time me and my friend started speaking again.
3 months later my mum died (April this year ) due to cancer.
I was talking about the funeral etc and headstones to my friend and I made a comment saying how expensive things were and she responded
"Oh well now she's passed you can bet all her finances will be getting looked in too"
Straight away this sentence was all I needed to know it was her.
Things turned very nasty after this
I tried calling her no answer
So then I just told her about the investigation (didn't accuse her ) and she text back
"No I don't think so,if someone reports you,you wouldn't be told about it -they do it all behind your back ,I think your lying "
(Now if that's the first you have heard about it -wouldn't you be in shock ? Why would your reaction be to say what she did ?)
She went on to say that I was blatantly lying and if I had stole any money from my mum I was going to get in trouble and was I upset she wasn't listening when I told her it was over and I had done nothing wrong.

Then I said I think it was you
She went on to say I was nuts and she knew nothing about it
Does that seem like someone who knows nothing about it ?

OP posts:
JeandeServiette · 20/06/2023 14:48

I honestly don't know, but surely that's the friendship over either way?

worktired · 20/06/2023 14:48

I don't think she's a friend. I'd not have anything to do with her from now on.

Sorry for your loss

DorisElward · 20/06/2023 14:50

She is not your friend. Steer well clear. Condolences on the loss of your mum. She sounds like she was luck to have you for a daughter.

Grumpigal · 20/06/2023 14:53

I’m so sorry for your loss and for the difficult times you’ve had.

I agree it does sound likely to have been her but unless she admits it then you’re unlikely to ever know.

She sounds absolutely awful anyway and not someone you want in your life. I’d block her now and try and move on, it’s horrible what you’ve been put through but you are innocent and have been vindicated. She sounds grabby and nasty, she’s not a friend nor a loss to you

LivingDeadGirlUK · 20/06/2023 14:54

Sorry for your loss, I would have come to the same conclusion as you and would be blocking the ex friend.

Thebigblueballoon · 20/06/2023 14:54

Regardless of whether it was her or not, this person is not a friend. They sound jealous, bitter, paranoid and all-round hard work. I wonder why you rekindled a relationship with her in the first place.

Original poster
sayalittlewhisper · 20/06/2023 14:56

In my head for her to say my mums finances will be getting looked in too ? Was because she made the phone call about it
Otherwise it wouldn't of even been something she mentioned
And if it wasn't her when I told her what happened why would she accuse me of lying about what happened ?
It was almost like she was fixated on me getting into trouble ?
I don't know if that makes sense

OP posts:
CandlelightGlow · 20/06/2023 14:56

Her talking about money when discussing the death of your mother is all you need to know surely.

On the other hand, if she really truly thought you were stealing money from your mum, I mean how would you feel about a person who was doing that?

The problem is, she's jumped to that conclusion because she didn't know about your finances, and it sounds like you had to be cagey with your financial situation because she is pretty grabby.

At this point I would just have a final word, saying you already had to go through a harrowing investigation due to a report that was clearly from her, and even if it wasn't, you are in the clear. I would even say the true reason you have money available, and then cut her off.

JeandeServiette · 20/06/2023 14:57

I wouldn't trust her.

I doubt you'll ever be 100% sure if it was her, but it sounds likely and she sounds poisonous.

CrumbliestCrumble · 20/06/2023 14:57

I reckon so too.
Who the hell does that to a friend?

Steer clear

GameOverBoys · 20/06/2023 14:58

It was probably her. Either way the friendship is dead and you need to block and move on.

Hugasauras · 20/06/2023 15:04

Whether she did or not, she's clearly a twat either way so ditch her. Sorry about your mum Flowers

Original poster
sayalittlewhisper · 20/06/2023 15:07

I honestly feel sick
How much do you have to hate someone to do this

OP posts:
EyelessArseFace · 20/06/2023 15:08

Good grief - she's no friend, she's an utter bitch.

LadyAtNumber9 · 20/06/2023 15:08

She indicated on her comment that she knows more than a random would know. Yes I think it's her. She's not a friend. Block.

JeandeServiette · 20/06/2023 15:08

sayalittlewhisper · 20/06/2023 15:07

I honestly feel sick
How much do you have to hate someone to do this

It's envy. The worst people you will ever meet will seem outwardly friendly. It's a horrible time to have to learn the lesson, but it's a lesson worth learning.

I'm so sorry about your mum.

Crispymandm · 20/06/2023 15:09

You will never know if she reported you, but this friend does seem quite fixated on your finances, and perhaps jealous. I would slow fade her out. Sorry for your loss op.

Makemyday99 · 20/06/2023 15:09

sayalittlewhisper · 20/06/2023 15:07

I honestly feel sick
How much do you have to hate someone to do this

It was obviously her, she reported you because of jealousy not hatred, either way you can’t trust her & need to cut her out. Who the hell does she think she is blocking you because you wouldn’t lend her money..entitled bitch..you’re well rid

Foxesandsquirrels · 20/06/2023 15:09

I think talking about your deceased mother's money right after her death is really really awful, even if she wasn't the one that reported you.

Thebigblueballoon · 20/06/2023 15:11

If you continue this friendship, you’re opening yourself up to a world of pain. Even if the financial fraud bill is is dropped, she’ll be jealous and bitter about any inheritance you receive. She’s also bound to ask you for another loan and will gaslight you when you say no.

LakeTiticaca · 20/06/2023 15:12

Block her. She is a nasty piece of work and is no friend to you. Don't engage with her, don't divulge any personal/financial information to her or anyone else. I wonder she seems so invested in things that are not her business?

Thebigblueballoon · 20/06/2023 15:12

Financial fraud bullshit** 🙄

Original poster
sayalittlewhisper · 20/06/2023 15:12

I have blocked her everywhere
I just wanted to make sure I hadn't just gone off on this when I was wrong.
I think I just wanted someone to tell me I wasn't crazy

OP posts:
RachelHair · 20/06/2023 15:14

Either she reported you or she knows who did, regardless she is not your friend what a horrible way to talk to you when you're grieving.
My condolences 💐

Original poster
sayalittlewhisper · 20/06/2023 15:16

She said all this to me less than a week after my mum died
No empathy whatsoever
It's like she wanted me to be guilty
Maybe to justify what she did

OP posts: