Do you think my "friend" reported me to social services?

[sayalittlewhisper]

I'm 28 and since I was 19 I was a full time carer for my mum who had early onset dementia and over the last two years breast cancer.
My Dad passed away when I was 11.
After he died I was left money from him which was mine when I turned 18.
Looking after my mum was stressful and isolating and I liked to treat myself to clothes etc.
A "friend " of mine would always ask me questions how I could afford this on carers allowance and I didn't want to discuss money so I laughed it off and said I have a money tree.

She asked to borrow £500 and I said no (as she never pays me back ) this caused a huge argument and she stopped speaking to me and blocked me on everything.

A month later my mums social worker rang me and asked to come and see me.
Someone had rang the hotline saying my mum was being financially abused.
I went through months of hell ,providing bank statements,showing how my mums money was spent and what on (at one point justifying why I spent £10 on bandages instead of asking the GP for them for free )
I was told they were happy that my mum wasn't being financially abused and we were left alone.

In the mean time me and my friend started speaking again.
3 months later my mum died (April this year ) due to cancer.
I was talking about the funeral etc and headstones to my friend and I made a comment saying how expensive things were and she responded
"Oh well now she's passed you can bet all her finances will be getting looked in too"
Straight away this sentence was all I needed to know it was her.
Things turned very nasty after this
I tried calling her no answer
So then I just told her about the investigation (didn't accuse her ) and she text back
"No I don't think so,if someone reports you,you wouldn't be told about it -they do it all behind your back ,I think your lying "
(Now if that's the first you have heard about it -wouldn't you be in shock ? Why would your reaction be to say what she did ?)
She went on to say that I was blatantly lying and if I had stole any money from my mum I was going to get in trouble and was I upset she wasn't listening when I told her it was over and I had done nothing wrong.

Then I said I think it was you
She went on to say I was nuts and she knew nothing about it
Does that seem like someone who knows nothing about it ?

Bloody hell,she sounds awful,and very toxic,with friends like her who needs enemies?!
Don't let her back into your life again OP,and for the record yes,I definetly think it was her from what you've said.

But she was quite happy to ask if you could borrow her £500.

If you didn't do anything wrong and can back that up then why worry!

She's jealous you have money. Never speak to her again.

@schnauzerbeard I didn't do anything wrong and it's all over with now but obviously the thought of someone doing this to me who was a friend and then when I told them what had happened still calling me a liar ..clearly hurts

Because the process of being investigated is very stressful. However much you know you are innocent, it's worrying and time-consuming, and there's a risk to your reputation and even freedom if any little mistake or oversight is found.

When malicious reports are made, it's because the process is the punishment.

Oh it was her, all right.

Nobody, but nobody would say something like that about finances to someone who's mother has just died - unless that is, they thought you'd been stealing her money for years.

She thought you were onto a good thing financially, and was annoyed when you wouldn't give lend her £500 she asked for, so she decided to get her own back in the most spiteful way she could think of.

Her thinking so little of your morals that you would do such a thing as to steal family money in the first place is pretty rotten. Nobody needs a friend like that.

Carers Allowance was £69 a week, now £76, I think, and she wanted £500 loan? Get in the bin, that's not a friend it is a CF chancer.

She did it, yes, you're not crazy.

I am sorry you've lost your mum, when I took on a carer role for a grandparent who needed (if I'm honest) proper nursing home care, (I just couldn't put her in a home, Gran was too difficult as it was, a home would have been hell for her) I felt because of how I'd cared for her, I'd almost not just lost the gran I grew up with, but the person she became, it was almost like she'd become my little girl in a way. (Not comparing losing a grandparent to a child, just how the relationship became, if that makes sense?)

Anyway, I hope your DM's finances are with you now to make life a bit more comfortable for you, you deserve after taking on the role you did to have a bit of joy, even if it's just having a bit of time to decompress and grieve without much worry before returning to employment.

Whatever happens, you've done right by your lovely mum and this friend was a heinous person who you're better without.

I’m so sorry you’ve been subjected to the behaviour of such a malignant person, OP at a time when you are grieving the loss of your Mum. This woman sounds petty, jealous and spiteful. You can only gain by having nothing more to do with her. 💐

Life has taught me that certain people can behave in an utterly toxic way when they think that someone else has money.

It's so nice to see other people thinking the same.
I feel like she gaslight me to believe I was mentally unstable when I know it was her.
She won't obviously ever admit it but I don't think it would matter if she did

Look at it another way, who else could it have been? Is there anyone else who knows about your situation who might think such a thing?

Nobody whatsoever
I have no enemy's and I get on with people but keep myself to myself

You're 28 and have lost so much. You must have a wise head on young shoulders. So what if you bought yourself nice things with your dad's money(that was now yours) . I'm sure you'd much rather have both your parents and far less money. I hope life is kind to you from now on. You deserve so much more. This person is not a friend. Forget her and move on. My daughter is 30 and inherited enough from her dad to get a property early. She was 18 when he died. So many people made comments on her buying property at 21. She'd much much prefer her dad to be here.

Thé mistake you made was to allow her back in your life.

And yes it was her, little doubt about it (and even if it wasn’t, her comment would be enough to want to cut ties anyway)

please don’t ever let her in again

I would never speak to her again. I agree it was her who reported you but not out of morals, out of jealousy that she couldn't get money out of you. Don't tell her about your inheritance you don't have to tell your personal business to anyone or justify where the money came from for your treats. It's literally nothing to do with her. Don't think about her either, all this wondering why - it doesn't matter why. She's not a friend, that's all you need to know. Cut her out and move on with your life. Sorry for your loss, such a young age to go through all this. Surround yourself with good people now while you're grieving and going forward.

Her feelings don't say anything about you or mean anything about who you are, her feelings say everything about her and who she is.

I'm lucky I have a good supportive boyfriend
We have moved in together and he is a massive support
I honestly don't know what I would do without him
I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought of revenge -but that would make me as bad as her wouldn't it and I'm nothing like her

Wash your hands of her. You don't need a woman like that in your life.

Thirty-five years ago a 'friend' of mine told her sister (a tax officer) that my dad (self-employed) was making a lot of money. He was doing ok, but legitimately. However, the tax investigation broke his health and put an end to his business at the age of fifty-eight. It required the intervention of dad's MP to get the tax people to back off.

The sister had had my baby's cot (bought for me by my dad, ironically) when she needed one. The woman had been someone I'd thought of as a friend since we were eleven years old.

I hope they recognise themselves. If so, I see you. And you can rot in hell.

You deserve some happiness OP. And the best revenge is to live well.

She was happy enough to try and get money out of you when she thought it was being stolen from your mother. It's only because you said no that she made the allegations - and sure as anything, if you hadn't asked her about the report, she'd have been hanging around wanting some of any inheritance off you.

You don't need people like that in your life.

OP I’m sure this is devastating for you, especially after everything else you have been through, but this really isn’t about her hating you, it’s about her own envy and spitefulness. It absolutely was her, no one would have said the things she did if they weren’t obsessed with yours or your mums money. What a nasty piece of work she is, you are well rid of her out of your life.
Heres to a happier future for you, you deserve it.

I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m afraid there are some nasty people, you’re better off without her in your life. Forget her.
Now go and have some fun in your life, you deserve it.

I’m sorry for your loss. Your friend is a dick.

She's very poorly informed on what happens when somebody is reported to social service! They tell you everything including giving you a written report of the accusation. she's an idiot who thought you'd never work out it was her.

So sorry you've been through all this.

The social worker even gave me a date and a time it was made -exactly a week after our "argument "
I always feel like I get a six sense about things and I just felt it from the moment I was told