Don’t want to be in the WhatsApp group chat

[beeonmybonnett]

Unfortunately I have had issues with some of my coworkers ( fault was on their side) and it has created a toxic environment at work.

We have a group chat on WhatsApp (on my personal mobile phone, which is paid for by me, on my personal mobile phone number and on my personal WhatsApp account)

I just don’t feel comfortable being in it anymore. I have always had it muted and even moved it to the archived list but I can still see when a message has been sent into it as it displays a little number beside the archived list and directly notifies me when someone tags me in a message.

I removed myself when I went on holiday and when I returned, my boss asked me if she could add me back into it and I said I’d prefer not to. She said it would make it easier to share information and that I could just mute it if there are too
many messages coming through. Whilst I could have said no, I felt like I would have looked inconsiderate if I had said no so I felt compelled to agree to her adding me back in.

I do agree that it is easier to share information as it puts it all in one place, but surely it’s my choice as to whether or not I want to be in the chat or not? Even more so because the phone and number belongs to me rather than my employer?

I don’t usually mind being in group chats but given the experiences I have had at work recently it just gives me anxiety. I don’t want to have anything to do with it outside of working hours, I want to be able to unwind , not see messages. I also need to add that WhatsApp is not my work’s official form of communication.

I feel like if I remove myself from it again that I’ll be told off.

Has anyone else took themselves out of a work WhatsApp group?

I've no experience of this but surely they can't insist that you respond on your private number and out of hours ? If you think it would cause hassle just mute it and never look at it and say "they" are free to email you.

Just remove yourself. If your boss queries it just say you want to keep your private life and work life desperate. So if there is any communication ti sent it by email

I just read that it's not your formal work communication I'd keep saying no I don't need to be in the group.

Just mute it in settings

Like others said mute it and most importantly don't think about it .

Your boss is asking you to be on it probably because they don't want to leave you out or keep you in the know.

Be upfront with your boss. Don’t mention the personal phone part as it could make you appear petty (which you’re not being btw). Instead refer to the anxiety and say that as a reasonable adjustment you request that communication happens face to face or via email.

Have you got a work mobile? If not say you’re happy to have it on a work phone that they provide. Otherwise you don’t wish to have anything work related on your personal mobile. They can’t make you. I would remove myself from the group and tell your manager why

I would leave it. If you are muting messages then surely you won’t be getting the information.

I left our work WhatsApp group. Important stuff gets emailed anyway, and I don't get the irritating comments so it suits me.
I find group chats quite intrusive, and having to sift through other's people's 'asides' to get to the important messages. Muting didn't help as you can still see it

Do you use WhatsApp for other people, if you don’t you could delete the app?

It’s muted and it’s in my archives so it doesn’t appear on my main chat list.

But, when a message is sent in, it displays a number beside the archive list which then makes me want to click in and see what has been said.(which is why I want to be out of it completely)

It also notifies me if someone tags me, despite it being in the archive list.

I had thought about that. It seems to be popular but there are some who do not have WhatsApp.

But I would miss it as I tend to use it to send photos and videos to people

I agree with you on all counts

No I don’t have a work mobile phone or any work device for that matter. Just my own personal mobile phone that I pay the contract for.

You have Fomo and anxiety all at once just leave the group it sounds exhausting, tell your manager then honestly just forget it.

I don’t even mind them messaging me privately on WhatsApp. Given the situation I just feel uneasy being in the group chat. It’s too in my face

We have several such work groups. I did join them, but left soon after. For the reasons op has given. Managers are beginning to realise that the groups are not only quite toxic, but are being used for personal posts such as holiday pictures - so they’ve started restricting posting to supervisors/admin only.
Muting etc doesn’t work for me as I Know it’s still there on my phone, and has to be checked incase I miss something deemed important, this makes me feel like I’m never free from work- and I work part time to specifically have work free time.
so@beeonmybonnett I agree with you and what you’ve done. Theses groups can be useful but also toxic.

you are spot on!

Even though I have the group muted and tucked away in the archive list, I still know I’m in the group and feel like I need to check it. If I wasn’t in it, I wouldn’t have that urge.

But then i feel like I’m breaking the rules if I remove myself from it again.

When I deleted mine I really felt a weight lift. It's helped me maintain a better home/work balance. I've not missed anything important and my closer colleagues know I don't mind getting private messages.

Totally relate OP and agree with PP re never feeling free of work.

I think it's a case of ripping off the sticking plaster - leave the group, deep breath, deal with boss, be calm and insistent but do not go back in, and then in a week or so it will all have blown over and things will move on without you in the group. Even if it feels awkward and stressful, it's better than being in the group.

Also, there are other jobs out there 😊 at a previous job it turned toxic and I felt trapped and it started to take over my life. After some months I was signed off sick and began applying for other jobs. I got one and left. I wish I'd done it sooner. Life is short and work stress is not worth it. Best of luck.

Totally agree.

I feel like I need to ask for my boss’s permission first

Just leave the chat and set your profile photo & online status to show to nobody and if they ask "sorry I've deleted WhatsApp you can text me though if there's anything you need."

I have done exactly this. I removed myself during Covid when my boss and I had an altercation on the work whats app about coming into the office.
I removed myself at that point, and have not rejoined.
My colleagues ask me every now and again if I want to rejoin, but my response is always that if there is a work message I need to know about, they are free to message me on my work mobile, or email address.

If there are messages about for example, dress down days, or work nights out etc then usually someone sends me a separate message and / or an email.

I think all I miss are a million "happy birthday Bob 🥳 " messages and I'm not arsed about that

The main reason I left is because the bosses praise colleagues in the group chat. E.g “Sharon, well done on completing X task and doing Y task. You have worked so hard “

it makes me feel a bit crap when you don’t receive praise as much and that’s part of why I think it’s toxic. I also hate it as they slobber over each other like “Sharon, you are amazing!!”

It’s false and I can’t stomach it. It gives me anxiety and I don’t want to be part of it.

Ive never had an issue before with group chats, it’s only become a problem when things started to sour.

But then I worry hy leaving the group chat and asking my boss to communicate with me privately on WhatsApp, email or face-to-face etc, that I might come across as a spoilt princess? Might it look like I think I’m privileged and that I feel I can take myself out of the group and have special communication arrangements in place for myself?