Don’t want to be in the WhatsApp group chat

[beeonmybonnett]

Unfortunately I have had issues with some of my coworkers ( fault was on their side) and it has created a toxic environment at work.

We have a group chat on WhatsApp (on my personal mobile phone, which is paid for by me, on my personal mobile phone number and on my personal WhatsApp account)

I just don’t feel comfortable being in it anymore. I have always had it muted and even moved it to the archived list but I can still see when a message has been sent into it as it displays a little number beside the archived list and directly notifies me when someone tags me in a message.

I removed myself when I went on holiday and when I returned, my boss asked me if she could add me back into it and I said I’d prefer not to. She said it would make it easier to share information and that I could just mute it if there are too
many messages coming through. Whilst I could have said no, I felt like I would have looked inconsiderate if I had said no so I felt compelled to agree to her adding me back in.

I do agree that it is easier to share information as it puts it all in one place, but surely it’s my choice as to whether or not I want to be in the chat or not? Even more so because the phone and number belongs to me rather than my employer?

I don’t usually mind being in group chats but given the experiences I have had at work recently it just gives me anxiety. I don’t want to have anything to do with it outside of working hours, I want to be able to unwind , not see messages. I also need to add that WhatsApp is not my work’s official form of communication.

I feel like if I remove myself from it again that I’ll be told off.

Has anyone else took themselves out of a work WhatsApp group?

I would say absolutely not on my personal phone it's really instrusivr even if it's muted - you should have a dedicated work mobile given if it's necessary I have thaf. In work I'm with teams bip bip bip all day is bad enough but no way at all I'd have it on my own phone especially in your situation. When your away from work you need to be able to compartmentalise.

I don't think it's an appropriate mechanism for providing feedback (positive or otherwise).

Leave the WA group. If your boss asks you about it, tell them that you don't want to have work discussions going on whilst you are outside of work - and because it's your personal phone you can't get away from it other than to leave the group - which is what you have done.

If they want you to re-join, tell them that if there is a work comms to share then you'll get it from them at work. They have your mobile number for emergencies - e.g. don't come in because the office is on fire.

@beeonmybonnett Don’t worry about leaving. It’s you private number and private phone. As pp said, someone will
message/email you if it’s really important or it can wait until you go into work and get notified by someone.
I just have 4 reasons for me leaving the groups

1. I don’t want everyone having my private number, I wish to choose to whom I give my number.
2. it is my private number and phone set, if it was a work issued phone, then not a problem.
3. The groups have become filled with personal messages not work related issues. Eg holiday snaps, childcare issues and self grandiosity posts. Nothing to do with work.
4. I want my time off work, to be just that - free from any concerns regarding the workplace.

managers including HR have had no problems with my choice to remove myself from the groups. It hasn’t impacted either my work/ work ethic or the workplace.

Do what is best for you, and stick to your reasons for doing so. You will feel much better - rip the sticky plaster off!

Just write a message in the group to say you are deleting what's app for personal reasons and if they wish to communicate please could they use email

I think your boss should respect your
Wishes

Cant he/she message you separately? Hardly an onerous task

Plus they should just email instead

E.g “Sharon, well done on completing X task and doing Y task. You have worked so hard “ it makes me feel a bit crap when you don’t receive praise as much and that’s part of why I think it’s toxic

I wish "toxic" could be banned as a descriptor, it's ridiculously overused on here and sounds incredibly childish in this context

If you don’t have a work mobile just say unless they provide one you won’t be able to be in the WhatsApp group as you don’t want work communication on your personal phone. Or lie and say you’ve deleted WhatsApp and therefore can’t be in the group

The main reason I left is because the bosses praise colleagues in the group chat. E.g “Sharon, well done on completing X task and doing Y task. You have worked so hard “

I also hate it as they slobber over each other like “Sharon, you are amazing!!” It’s false and I can’t stomach it.

Why have you decided on their behalf that they’re being false? They could just genuinely be happy for Sharon. We have a similar chat and if people get praise I say similar things and I’m being genuine.

i'm curious, what's your industry/sector?

is this a small biz, or a big corp?

I've worked for myself for a long time now, so am out of the loop on these things, but expecting employees to use their personal number for work whatsapp groups is wildly unprofessional to me.

If they need you to be on the whatsapp group, they should provide you with a work phone, and you can switch it off at 5pm.

If this continues to be a problem, I'd speak to HR. Employees deserve a healthy separation between home and work.

Because it’s two faced and I’ve seen it.

They don’t need to talk about in the group chat, should be done privately. I don’t wish to see it or be part of it.

Do not rejoin. Intrusive and you should not feel pressure in any way. Since when did you agree to work communion being through a social media app on your personal phone?! I don’t think so. And it’s not inclusive nor everyone has or wants WhatsApp, so They need to keep you in the loop by other more professional and less intrusive means.

Communication lol

Also, I’ve seen some of them brag in the group chat.

It’s not my scene . I’m more subdued. It wouldn’t bother me as much if I didn’t already feel separated and isolated from the rest of the team. I feel like I don’t fit in and seeing them all friendly with each other in work is bad enough without having to see it in the group chat outside of work.

We have a work WhatsApp but aren't expecting to look at it outside of work but everyone is in it
Our office was destroyed so it's been great for quick questions etc and communication about that. People often leave for maternity/holidays and rejoin when back

We have a separate WhatsApp group without managers in it as a chat but not everyone is in that!

If you have a work phone, could you ask to be added to the WhatsApp group on there and then remove from your personal phone? Then only check during work hours?

I left all my work group chats, I have no obligation to make myself available to receive their updates in my personal time, no matter how convenient it is for them, especially on my personal mobile phone. They can update me during one of my shifts verbally or via email if they like.

Theres quite a bit of back story in that, we were being policed quite heavily in our responses to these WhatsApp “updates”, and then told “comment not required, just do it”, etc - and one day I made a suggestion and got called into the office about it, so I just said “I’ll leave the groups, if I’m not allowed to comment on something that is being sent to my personal phone in my own time”.

I have not looked back, I don’t even think about work in my free time now. I don’t get texts asking for overtime, I don’t sit around dreading policy changes that need to be implemented on my next shift, etc. I have a right to switch off, and I genuinely never realised at the time what an impact being in all of those groups was having on my mental state on my days off.

Don’t have a work mobile phone or any other electronic device provided by work.

If that was the case I would certainly do that. The problem is that it’s on my personal phone so I can see it every day when I’m not working

“Manager, a heads up that I’m going to leave the WhatsApp group. I’m managing my screen time and productivity better and even though it’s muted I feel compelled to check it which I find an unhealthy habit.

I know anything that needs action will be on email so shouldn’t be an issue. Thanks”

Come out of the group and change your settings so that any future groups require your permission to be added in rather than being automatically added in if someone invites you.
I would hate this on my personal phone.

Ah I wish I had done that! Now that you’ve mentioned that i now remember that there is in fact a setting for that!

But you’d be fine with it if it was on a work phone and not your personal phone? Because honestly it sounds like a personality clash issue that’s giving you anxiety. Which is a perfectly valid reason not to be in the group.

Lots of good advice has been given to you about leaving, go for it. It might feel awkward to talk to your boss about it but as soon as it’s done you can move on.

But this wouldn’t have helped you as your boss asked if they could add you back in once you had returned from holiday and you said yes.

So you would have said yes, they would have attempted and not been able to and then just asked you again face to face. You would have just been postponing another chat.

But you’d be fine with it if it was on a work phone and not your personal phone?

I wouldn’t be ‘fine’ with it as such, but it would be bearable as I would only have my work phone switched on during working hours and wouldn’t use it outside of working hours / days off etc.

Yes it is a personality flash in amongst other issues to. I would feel utterly relieved if I could just leave but I feel like it will cause a backlash. I will just have to have a quiet word with my boss about it.

Im open to be communicated with via email, private WhatsApp messages, within reason etc

I should have been more upfront and said no. I was too shy to say anything other than yes

I wouldn’t join the group at all because once you do they all have access to your private mobile number.