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Original poster

Strange situation between DH and a guy on our estate

73 replies

wellthisisweirdinnit · 17/06/2023 21:46

We've lived on our pleasant, unremarkable housing estate for about 12 years now. There's quite a distinctive guy on the estate who has been here at least since we moved in (distinctive dogs and hair style, don't think he works, often see him about).

My DH is extremely introverted, he's on waiting list for autism assessment and really goes out of his way to avoid conflict and social situations generally.

Anyway, since wfh DH is out and about with our dog a lot more and he and this guy would nod hello or whatever.

Suddenly, about six months ago DH said this guy is suddenly really hostile when DH sees him out and about. DH wasn't sure why or what could have triggered it but started with things like:

  • DH walking down the street and the guy sees him and shouts "oh for fuck's sake!" then crosses the road and get away from DH.
  • DH sees him near the doctor's surgery, not near enough to hear anything but sees guy actively cross the road away from him muttering away to himself.
  • DH and I walking our dog by the river and pass by him. Guy walks past saying loudly to his dogs "just ignore them".

Ok, so until this point could be put down to having a bad day or misunderstanding or similar.

Today DH is walking up the shopping district and crosses paths with bloke from our estate who is carrying a bag of dog food over his shoulder.

Bloke throws dog food bag on the pavement, takes out his phone and starts recording DH and is saying "so here I am just out to buy dog food and he here is AGAIN" filming DH as he walks past.

As I said, DH is very introverted and hates any kind of conflict so an "oi, mate, ,what's the problem?" is not going to go very far. DH isn't physically scared of this man (DH is 6 ft 5 and literally twice the size of this bloke" but doesn't want to engage in any drama, particularly since we live literally two roads apart.

My take on this is that this bloke is unstable, it doesn't matter what he thinks DH has done "wrong" the behaviour not normal.

The bloke also has a video camera pointing from the window of his flat directly onto the footpath so nothing to do with the front of his property, he's just literally filming people as they go about their business. Bit strange/paranoid as far as I can tell.

I spoke to my neighbour and she knows the guy by sight and said he's engaged in conspiracy theory talk with him before and he's ranted and seemed a bit paranoid and has been known to shout and swear at another bloke who lives nearby.

I've said to DH just change his route and avoid walking past this guy's house because it seems like whatever 'contact' DH has with this guy (AKA known as passing him in the neighbourhood) and fueling whatever this is and escalating his behaviour.

Neighbour told me to log it with 101 (classic MN advice) which DH is not going to do.

Any other ideas/insights?

OP posts:
hattyhathat · 17/06/2023 21:50

Yeah sounds like the neighbour thinks your DH is following him or something so I'd try walking dog different route/time for a bit

2lsinllama · 17/06/2023 21:51

I would suggest keeping a record of dates/times when these things have happened, as it does seem to have escalated. Your advice to DH is good, just try to avoid him. This guy seems a little paranoid.

Ponderingwindow · 17/06/2023 21:51

The man is likely mentally ill. Just give him a wide berth and try to ignore. If he escalates further, speak to the police.

when I lived in a dense urban area, there were a few people everyone knew that it was best to stay far away both literally and figuratively.

Original poster
wellthisisweirdinnit · 17/06/2023 21:56

Thanks, it's funny as DH and I often see him when we're out together and he just tends to look through us when it's just the two of us (apart from the one time by the river).

When I see him on my own he ignores me but I think he must know I am DH's wife; we both walk the dog and he recognises her and before all this used to smile.

But DH on his own seems to set this stuff off.

I did say to DH earlier, we walk past his house to literally go anywhere we need to go (because his house is in the direction of all the stuff we need to get to!) and he has a very low garden wall so if he's in his garden hanging out stuff or whatever people can see him.

I wondered if this was fuelling his paranoia, DH is so tall maybe he thinks he's looking into his garden or something and has now decided he's being followed?

Quite ridiculous really given DH will do anything to avoid conflict that this has managed to occur.

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 17/06/2023 21:56

I agree it sounds as if the guy has MH issues and is paranoid that your husband is following him about as they keep crossing each other's paths. I'd be avoiding him too for a bit, as much as he can, just to difuse the other guy's paranoia for both their sakes.

Original poster
wellthisisweirdinnit · 17/06/2023 21:57

Ponderingwindow · 17/06/2023 21:51

The man is likely mentally ill. Just give him a wide berth and try to ignore. If he escalates further, speak to the police.

when I lived in a dense urban area, there were a few people everyone knew that it was best to stay far away both literally and figuratively.

Well yes, these are exactly my thoughts and plan of action.

OP posts:
Nagado · 17/06/2023 21:58

I’d think he’s having some sort of mental health crisis and has decided that your DH is following him.

I don’t think approaching him to ask what the problem is would be the best idea. If he’s genuinely paranoid, you’re not going to have a rational conversation with him. There is no positive outcome to that course of action. I’d be going out of my way to avoid him, but document everything just in case you need police help at any point in the future.

Wenfy · 17/06/2023 22:01

I would contact the police. This seems like his MH condition has escalated and your DH might be in danger if it isn’t managed.

doorlily · 17/06/2023 22:02

Nagado · 17/06/2023 21:58

I’d think he’s having some sort of mental health crisis and has decided that your DH is following him.

I don’t think approaching him to ask what the problem is would be the best idea. If he’s genuinely paranoid, you’re not going to have a rational conversation with him. There is no positive outcome to that course of action. I’d be going out of my way to avoid him, but document everything just in case you need police help at any point in the future.

Agree with all this.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/06/2023 22:02

The man is unhinged and it would be wise to avoid him as much as possible. Unless walking past him home is absolutely unavoidable, I'd walk and drive in a different direction.

series8 · 17/06/2023 22:09

Wenfy · 17/06/2023 22:01

I would contact the police. This seems like his MH condition has escalated and your DH might be in danger if it isn’t managed.

This.

Original poster
wellthisisweirdinnit · 17/06/2023 22:12

Wenfy · 17/06/2023 22:01

I would contact the police. This seems like his MH condition has escalated and your DH might be in danger if it isn’t managed.

I don't think the police can step in and manage his mental health, though?

He hasn't done anything to harass DH except for todays incident and harassment is a course of conduct not one incident...

OP posts:
series8 · 17/06/2023 22:15

I do worry for your DH though. Really hope this guy doesn't think of doing anything horrific or use his dog to attack him.

Original poster
wellthisisweirdinnit · 17/06/2023 22:16

series8 · 17/06/2023 22:15

I do worry for your DH though. Really hope this guy doesn't think of doing anything horrific or use his dog to attack him.

Well, quite.

OP posts:
holaholiday · 17/06/2023 22:29

Unfortunately if he has psychosis he may be hearing voices that may be having a negative impact. It’s a good idea to avoid his house if your OH can do this.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 17/06/2023 22:33

Do you have a community police person that you can contact and chat it through with them, we do and that's the route for neighbour disputes or issues?

Original poster
wellthisisweirdinnit · 17/06/2023 22:35

Thanks all, we can get to where we need to go by taking a bit of a detour so it's not a huge deal will just take some remembering as we are on autopilot with the shortest route after living here so long.

DH won't be able to avoid him completely because this guy is always out and about - I see him loads myself. He's actually probably the recognisable neighbourhood face I see the most frequently, actually.

It's a shame to avoid the river as the dog loves it, especially in summer. But we have a dog walking route with a stream that goes through the estate next door and we've never seen him on that estate at all, only in the very local area.

I said to DH as well that he may well be watching footage of the path outside his house and just catching a glimpse of DH that way will fuel it.

My sense is that if we starve him of any kind of contact as best we can he will forget or move on to something else.

OP posts:
Original poster
wellthisisweirdinnit · 17/06/2023 22:38

Another thing I remembered is that not so long ago, maybe five or six years ago he had a baby/toddler who has completely disappeared in the last five years.

Presumably contact has been stopped for some reason.

OP posts:
WunWun · 17/06/2023 22:43

I think you should report it to the police now on the off chance the guy reports whatever he thinks your DH is doing.

I agree it sounds like mental health problems though. I was waiting to read 'conspiracy theories' whilst reading your post.

There was a young female YouTuber a while ago continuously posting videos of normal people going about their business that she for whatever reason thought were filming her. It's quite sad really.

JudgeAnderson · 17/06/2023 22:53

Please tell your DH to be careful. The great likelihood is that he's paranoid and harmless but sometimes delusions do lead to violent behaviour.

Moonlightdust · 17/06/2023 22:56

Sounds like he’s singled your DH out because he is easily recognised due to his height - think you’re right re video camera and low garden wall have brought him to his attention. Avoid as much as possible and if things escalate do report it.

Redebs · 17/06/2023 23:00

Wenfy · 17/06/2023 22:01

I would contact the police. This seems like his MH condition has escalated and your DH might be in danger if it isn’t managed.

Yes, this

ThomasThorne · 17/06/2023 23:08

I would log it with the police to be honest. Likelihood is that he’s harassed other people and it might help the police to put the jigsaw pieces together.

Soapyspuds · 17/06/2023 23:22

Sounds like a mental case. Get your DH to change route and or times to avoid them. Also keep a log in case you need to pass it on.

Can you ask locals if this person acts mental with them as well?

Poppetsss · 17/06/2023 23:27

He's fixated on your DH, mental health issues or not, it isn't really going to get better on its own.

I'm not entirely sure the police will be able to say/do much but perhaps if you tell them he has a paranoid obsession with your DH then they will keep a record of it. Everything builds a picture if it escalates.

If you know who the housing provider is, I'd ask them to do a welfare check on him, maybe explain you're concerned about his behaviour and why. They'll be able to visit and try and get some support for him if they think he needs it. I can't say too much about what happened in case anyone recognises the circumstances but I've worked in this field and housing providers can be really helpful in supporting other services at times.

I'd also change all walking routes entirely.