Strange situation between DH and a guy on our estate

[wellthisisweirdinnit]

We've lived on our pleasant, unremarkable housing estate for about 12 years now. There's quite a distinctive guy on the estate who has been here at least since we moved in (distinctive dogs and hair style, don't think he works, often see him about).

My DH is extremely introverted, he's on waiting list for autism assessment and really goes out of his way to avoid conflict and social situations generally.

Anyway, since wfh DH is out and about with our dog a lot more and he and this guy would nod hello or whatever.

Suddenly, about six months ago DH said this guy is suddenly really hostile when DH sees him out and about. DH wasn't sure why or what could have triggered it but started with things like:

• DH walking down the street and the guy sees him and shouts "oh for fuck's sake!" then crosses the road and get away from DH.
• DH sees him near the doctor's surgery, not near enough to hear anything but sees guy actively cross the road away from him muttering away to himself.
• DH and I walking our dog by the river and pass by him. Guy walks past saying loudly to his dogs "just ignore them".

Ok, so until this point could be put down to having a bad day or misunderstanding or similar.

Today DH is walking up the shopping district and crosses paths with bloke from our estate who is carrying a bag of dog food over his shoulder.

Bloke throws dog food bag on the pavement, takes out his phone and starts recording DH and is saying "so here I am just out to buy dog food and he here is AGAIN" filming DH as he walks past.

As I said, DH is very introverted and hates any kind of conflict so an "oi, mate, ,what's the problem?" is not going to go very far. DH isn't physically scared of this man (DH is 6 ft 5 and literally twice the size of this bloke" but doesn't want to engage in any drama, particularly since we live literally two roads apart.

My take on this is that this bloke is unstable, it doesn't matter what he thinks DH has done "wrong" the behaviour not normal.

The bloke also has a video camera pointing from the window of his flat directly onto the footpath so nothing to do with the front of his property, he's just literally filming people as they go about their business. Bit strange/paranoid as far as I can tell.

I spoke to my neighbour and she knows the guy by sight and said he's engaged in conspiracy theory talk with him before and he's ranted and seemed a bit paranoid and has been known to shout and swear at another bloke who lives nearby.

I've said to DH just change his route and avoid walking past this guy's house because it seems like whatever 'contact' DH has with this guy (AKA known as passing him in the neighbourhood) and fueling whatever this is and escalating his behaviour.

Neighbour told me to log it with 101 (classic MN advice) which DH is not going to do.

Any other ideas/insights?

And you prove it by repeatedly logging the behaviour officially. That's how you get believed when things escalate further and this man attacks DH or starts effectively stalking you him "to know where he is/what he's up to, for reassurance" or whatever excuse he'll use. As it is he's possibly posting pics and vids online slating DH and making accusations about him.

He sounds unwell, but I'd try to avoid talking to the neighbours about it.

You don't want your husband to feel more intimidated and reduce his daily routines. Sounds really horrible, but I don't think 101 would do anything.
Could perhaps you both go over together and say hello/we've seen you dog walking, our dogs called xxx what's yours called? Maybe see what happens then.
But I'm talking shit on mumsnet, and I'm like your husband and wouldn't leave the house again 😂
I haven't read the full thread but I've lost a child and I'm not an asshole. I think empathy is the way to go.

No it doesn't. Ffs. Please stop doing this on threads about likely mental health crises.

Police probably cannot step in but if he has a social work team they can contact them I believe. Or you could contact social services yourself and report a concern I suppose?

we have an elderly gentleman who stands by the river shouting at people, when it gets very late at night I have called the police as i worry he will fall in or get assaulted, and am too afraid (also can’t leave children) to go out and talk to him. They know him and always promise to pop by and check he’s ok.

for some people, based on other threads I've read online sometimes some people with Mental health can have visions and apparently these are some of the symptoms that can occur.

How accurate these perspectives are, is not my level of qualifications to have an accurate perspective.

By visions do you mean hallucinations/psychosis?

That probably describes it better than how I worded my points, my apologies.

I'm guessing that he will already be known to the police. Especially if he's filming people.

So yes, I'd have a chat with your local police and log your concerns. I'd also mention that he's filming the pavement area. Strictly speaking, even with a Ring doorbell, you can only film your private land. So if he's set up a camera that only films the public on the pavement, as a private citizen, he's breaking the law.

Lovely. So you have just dropped in to conversation a situation that doesn't make you feel concerned in any way?

If that is true, as you suggest, then PLEASE don't act on the advice of the posters urging you to "log it with the police" (can't exactly imagine how this would go, but no version of it playing out that I can imagine, having some experience of how this can go, looks good)

. Or to change your walking routes indeed..

Why change walking routes when you aren't worried or upset?

Ok so yes he does sound paranoid but you also say your husband has autism which can also cause paranoia I know this from experience..

also people with asd can have a tendamcy to share at people and not realise which could have set this bloke off not saying your dh had done this....but the river comment "just ignore them" isn't bad at all as he was saying it to his dogs which many people do if thier dogs gave a temdancy t to bark at Randoms (like one of mine )OR the guy could just be umhinged or smoke to much weed/frogs . If it is that then yes you need to avoid him he could be dangerous.

Obviously "dugs" not bloody frogs 😂

Drugs

Sounds like he has mental health issues. Best if your DH can avoid him.

Autism doesn't cause paranoia. What an idiotic thing to say.

I’m in my 60s. I lived happily in a group of flats for over 10 years.
A woman moved in across the yard - loud, vulgar, and she decided, just like the man you’re describing, @wellthisisweirdinnit that she didn’t like me. There was no reason because I never interacted with her, not once. I have a policy to be polite but distant from my neighbors.
She began screaming, yelling and accusing me of bizarre things like stealing money and food from her and breaking into her flat. She would stand outside and literally yell obscenities like a crazy person. She accused me of stealing and wearing her clothes (I’m 5’4” 110lbs, she was about 5’8” 200lbs) and wore house dresses. I wear leggings and jeans almost exclusively - I don’t own a dress and have never been seen in a dress.
I contacted the management each time. They were sympathetic but did very little. I don’t think they ever even spoke to her. As long as they get their rent…
When I did speak to my neighbors, they told me they were afraid of her, so they were overly kind to her. They were afraid to do anything else.
One early morning at at about 4am, my window came crashing in - a huge rock had broken through. Then a fire was started at my door. It was started with accelerant.
Firemen came and extinguished the blaze and investigators determined it was arson.
The woman was questioned, and she told them she had “no idea” what they were talking about.
I moved.
it’s a sad day when crazy people can chase you out of your home.

You think people who famously hate eye contact have a tendency to stare?

Your disablist claptrap is appalling.

My DH works a highly professional, technical job and earns in excess of 100k he's perfectly capable of navigating social norms you're describing him like some kind of village idiot just because you've read the word autism.

It's not my DH who is ranting at strangers in the streeet.

This is bloody awful!! I'm so, so sorry. Glad you are away from that now.

The OP is simply (and understandably) unsettled by this man's behaviour? Goodness knows why you have such a problem with this, maybe you're having a bad day, but your hostile cross examining is bizarre and unnecessary.

I have had a similar type of experience and it really does affect you, in that it's not nice to feel watched or like there might be trouble outside your own home. In our case, any incidents were ages apart and others also had them so it didn't all add up to much, til it did. The local community police came out for a neighbour who was bothered and CCTV was installed but of course then they didn't do it. I'm so glad I moved a while back. That said, there are a lot of disturbed people with inadequate care on the streets, my dd bumped into someone with their carers the other day and they threatened her, it was an accident and really unsettled her. I do think the streets feel a bit threatening at times in all kinds of ways.

Thank you, @wellthisisweirdinnit - the management was alarmed at my 30-day notice hahaha and tried to disuade me, but there was no way I was staying near that insane crazy woman.

I now live in a lovely place near lovely & very quiet neighbors and am very happy.

I wish you and your husband the best.

Do you have autism then? Or 4 children that do? Or have you worked with people that do? Asd is a large spectrum as I said it came cause paranoia...and people to stare subconsciously did I say he was staring into his eyes no....fucking hell wise up and do some research on asd I'm disability? My high rate pip says different

This sounds like a lady on our estate and when we first moved here very very similar behaviours but now we know she has mh problems and just to brush off all she says or does. If hubby is on his own she makes remarks if im on my own I don't exist and if we are together neither of us exists. But like I said we found out over time she has mh and has a dislike of a few men in the street she's harmless but odd lol

The OP is simply (and understandably) unsettled by this man's behaviour? Goodness knows why you have such a problem with this, maybe you're having a bad day, but your hostile cross examining is bizarre and unnecessary.

The op's response to this poster previously was very strange.