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Original poster

Friend makes me feel uncomfortable about what I wear -what do I do?

75 replies

pringlesingle · 17/06/2023 13:30

I don't like my legs at all -so in summer I avoid skirts /dresses /shorts
I stick to loose trousers /thin patterned trousers and light blue mom jeans
I normally wear nice tops (strapless ,halter neck tops etc ) and I like my outfits.
Every single time I arrange to meet her she comments "it's red hot you best not be wearing trousers ! "
Then the whole time we are out -even if we are in a big group "can you believe she's got trousers on"

Next week we have arranged the beach
She texts "your not allowed in my car without a skirt /dress on"
"Dress summery "
I've lost count how many times I've told her this
I'm fine with what I wear -we live so close to the seafront so there's always a breeze and rarely gets above 24 degrees here
What would you do ?

OP posts:
Sarvanga38 · 17/06/2023 13:32

Tell her to worry about her own clothes and comfort, and leave me to worry about mine - increasingly robustly …

Spasession · 17/06/2023 13:32

Tell her to FRO honestly.

She's no friend, she's deliberately and repeatedly calling attention to something you feel uncomfortable about.

TheProvincialLady · 17/06/2023 13:32

Tell her to stop being so bloody weird and if she doesn’t, drop her.

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KirstenBlest · 17/06/2023 13:33

She's a bully.

Yellowsubmarineunderthesea · 17/06/2023 13:37

Tell her its better for your skin and you need to avoid the sun in your legs

Mabelface · 17/06/2023 13:38

I'd just tell her to shut the fuck up and mind her own about what you wear. You'll wear what you want to thanks, not dress to please anyone else.

cobden28 · 17/06/2023 13:38

I couldn't agree more with this comment; I like to wear jeans even on the hottest of days because I have a pale skin that burns very easily and having been caught out in the past, I find it safer to just cover up when the sun's out. Sometimes you just have to be blunt to the point of outspoken-ness to get your point over.

Snowpatrolling · 17/06/2023 13:40

Tell her to fuck off chatting about what you wear, cos it’s not hurting her in anyway shape or form. Then don’t got to the beach with her, go with better friends. And block her maybe

SophiaElise · 17/06/2023 13:41

She sounds awful - can't bear people like that.

hookiewookie29 · 17/06/2023 13:44

I haven't worn a dress or skirt for 20 years. I never wear shorts- hated them as a kid,still do now. I wear similar to you, and my husband comments sometimes but my legs don't actually get hot!
I'd rather be comfortable than uncomfortable!

DNAwrangler · 17/06/2023 13:52

‘Please could you stop making comments about my clothes. I am happy with them.’

twice, maximum. After that I’d stop going out with her and tell her why. ‘I asked you to stop making comments about my clothes. You didn’t. I am not coming.’

DNAwrangler · 17/06/2023 13:54

It might be a bit uncomfortable, but she’ll need you to be blunt here - we’re talking about someone who hasn’t understood that other people’s clothes are not her choice!

RampantIvy · 17/06/2023 14:01

I must admit I mentioned to someone the other day that I thought jeans were too hot in this weather, and that linen or cotton trousers might have been cooler, but I would never have said to wear a skirt/dress /shorts.

People have loads of reasons for preferring to cover their legs up.

That said @pringlesingle , I bet your legs aren't as bad as you think they are.

Wishimaywishimight · 17/06/2023 14:05

"For fuck sake can you stop going on about my clothes, it's getting really tedious. I'm an adult, I will dress how I bloody well choose. Now drop it."

octoberfarm · 17/06/2023 14:11

"Honestly, you keep commenting on my clothes and whilst I appreciate that you think you're helping, you're not and I need you to drop it now. I have my reasons for wearing what I do and it's not up for discussion. I'm happy as I am, so please stop making me feel bad about it. I don't want to talk about it again."

Blossomandbee · 17/06/2023 14:12

Tell her that's fine, you didn't want to get in her car anyway Hmm
Maybe she's wondering why you always wear trousers and is trying to push you into saying. Not a nice approach at all though.
I hate my legs too and always wear long skirts or loose trousers in summer, Ioads of people do.

continentallentil · 17/06/2023 14:14

Tell her not to comment on your clothes again because it’s rude and weird

Tell her again if necessary.

And then just dump if You need to do it a third time. It probably won’t be - I get the impression you haven’t told her?

pizzaHeart · 17/06/2023 14:18

In general I would say her to stop commenting as it’s getting annoying as I would still want to be polite. As to the car situation I would txt “it’s fine, I won’t go then” and then won’t go with her.

How old are you and how important she is in your life otherwise? I would consider cooling off the friendship a but.

Harrythehappypig · 17/06/2023 14:20

Does she know about your feelings about your legs? Given she’s as subtle as a brick I can understand why you wouldn’t want to mention it but I feel the same as you and have always just said I’ll never be seen in shorts.

As an aside, I have a couple of maxi skirts that are not massively floaty/voluminous and have been useful when anywhere ridiculously hot (like Bordeaux last year 🥵)

HarpyValley · 17/06/2023 14:24

“Why are you so obsessed with what I wear, you weirdo? Not much else going on in your life?”

SallyWD · 17/06/2023 14:25

Very weird behaviour from her. In lots of very hot countries they often wear long sleeves and long skirts to protect themselves from the heat.
I have varicose veins so I wear linen trousers on the summer or long skirts. They're always made with very thin material and I find them much cooler than having the sun on my bare legs.
Turn it back on to her and tell her how weird SHE is.

CornedBeef451 · 17/06/2023 14:26

I'd tell her to fuck off. I always wear trousers of some sort because I prefer them, no one elses business.

What a weirdo to keep bringing it up, why on earh is she so interested?

heartsinvisiblefury · 17/06/2023 14:27

I'd be tempted to say to her that I've seen how shit she looks in a skirt or dress so you thought you'd stick with jeans to avoid both of you looking stupid - or, better still tell her to fuck off.

LookItsMeAgain · 17/06/2023 14:29

I'd actually cut her off before she passes comment on what you're wearing the next time.

As you meet her say "I know exactly what you're going to say about my clothes, because I've heard it all before from you. Only you though which is another thing we can discuss if you're up to it but for the time being, I am saying this one time. When I dress, I dress for me. No one else. I dress for my comfort, no one else's. If you have a problem with that, then that is a "you" issue and not a "me" issue to resolve. Now as you're the only one who repeatedly comments on my clothes, let's dive in to why that might be. Do you feel secure in your body? Are you not happy with what you're wearing? You know you could move to the dark side and start wearing trousers in the summer. It's very liberating!"

Or something like that. But I'd drive the conversation before she has an opportunity to do it.

BuffyTheCat · 17/06/2023 14:36

I prefer a FRO approach, but if that’s not you, you could say something like “I’ve noticed that you sometimes criticise what I’m wearing and to be honest I’d prefer it if you didn’t comment on my clothes.”

Don’t worry about upsetting her, because she’s clearly not worried about upsetting you!