Friend makes me feel uncomfortable about what I wear -what do I do?

[pringlesingle]

I don't like my legs at all -so in summer I avoid skirts /dresses /shorts
I stick to loose trousers /thin patterned trousers and light blue mom jeans
I normally wear nice tops (strapless ,halter neck tops etc ) and I like my outfits.
Every single time I arrange to meet her she comments "it's red hot you best not be wearing trousers ! "
Then the whole time we are out -even if we are in a big group "can you believe she's got trousers on"

Next week we have arranged the beach
She texts "your not allowed in my car without a skirt /dress on"
"Dress summery "
I've lost count how many times I've told her this
I'm fine with what I wear -we live so close to the seafront so there's always a breeze and rarely gets above 24 degrees here
What would you do ?

Here’s the thing:

Ask yourself how you feel about yourself, and your life when you have just seen her.

Do you feel steadied, uplifted, cheered, inspired, supportive, fortunate and happy?

Or like you’ve been judged and found wanting?

If it’s the second one, bin her.

I had the misfortune to be stuck with a toxic twat like this at work. There wasn’t one area of my life she didn’t criticise and pick on. She was so self absorbed she thought we were friends. Once I left the job I dumped her. No one needs to be ground down like this.

Oh your post rings a bell. I've tried to distance myself from a "friend" who upset me with her "I'm not racist but" comments. I always pull her up on it 😞
But enough is enough and I've kept my distance for over a year now and only respond vaguely if she messages me. How do you drop a friend without hurting their feelings?

Just simply go no contact. You have to for your own mental well-being

Sorry to invade your thread OP, my "friend" hasn't taken the hint that I don't want anything to do with her anymore. You'd think after a year they might get the drift.

Some people have the skin of a rhino and nothing could ever be their fault. They’re like a turd that won’t flush. Numerous ways have been tried to contact me but I’m standing firm and I love my life so much better for it

You can’t hold someone’s behaviour to account, without actually addressing the behaviour, unless you ghost them, really.

“Great to hear from you, hope all’s well. I just feel uncomfortable with some of the statements you make about race, I’ve expressed how I feel before, and of course, you’re entitled to your opinion, but for me, I can’t accept it. Let’s keep in touch, best wishes.”

Something like that. You’ve distanced yourself, you’ve made it about the behaviour and it’s not a personal attack.

Mmm but in my case any form of contact from me however harsh would just be seen as an opportunity to reel me back in

That’s on you though! Try Googling some assertion techniques.

@Cubsandmiel if I was to send a message like that I'm pretty sure she'd say I have no idea what you're on about. I think I'll just keep to the evasiveness, I really thought I'd managed to get my lack of any interest in seeing her across. But she's back 😔.

Why would you care about the feelings of a racist?

What would I do? Say something, then if she doesn't respect your wishes, dump her.

Don't change your clothes, change your friend.

Tell her she sounds like a pervert.

She sounds bloody obnoxious. Tell her you don't like skirts and dresses and you can wear whatever you see fit.

If you are in a group you could pre-empt her 'Hey everyone how are you all, and Suzie is going to tell us how I shouldn't wear trousers.......again. Over to you Suzie'. Or tell her to change the record because she sounds tedious.

Christ how old is she, 12? You can't hang out with me unless you wear the right stuff?

How utterly tedious. Tell her to stop banging on about the fact you don't wear dresses or skirts because it's creepy and annoying. Or find a friend who doesn't sound like a complete tool.

Pretty much sums it up

How old is she, 12.

Yes it is but she is mentally unwell and I’m one of a long list of people who have had to cut all contact

'Wear something with stripes today, otherwise I'm not going to the pub with you.'

'Wear your dungarees to the nightclub. Because I love it when you look like the girl from Dexy's Midnight Runners.'

'Wear your strappy number with the thigh-high split to Sainsbury's.'

'Oh, I'm being weird, am I? I thought we were the kind of friends that got to take a near-obsessive interest in the other one's clothes?'

Or tell her to fuck off, and get herself a life that doesn't involve obsessing about other people wearing trousers.

Haven't read other responses, but my answer is get a new friend!!

Every single time I arrange to meet her she comments "it's red hot you best not be wearing trousers ! "

Lol wait until she finds out what people who live in deserts wear in the heat....

She texts "your not allowed in my car without a skirt /dress on"

That's a shame, maybe see you around when you've resigned from the fashion police.

’You don’t get to decide what I wear.’