How judgemental are you?

[Peterpauls]

A friend got me thinking, we had a day out and she said for the first time in ages she hadn’t passed judgement in her head on anyone at all that day. I was surprised at how often she judges people (and definitely a trait she’s got from her mother and trying to do it less).

Today in a playpark my toddler said no to me (in toddler fashion) and another mum raised her eyebrows at me.

I honestly don’t really think about other people and what they are doing or not doing. Very occasionally I have passed judgement in my head but normally when someone is doing some thing really unsafe or being rude / obnoxious. I think I’m more happy go lucky in my personality.

How often do you judge other people? If this more common than I think? Doesn’t it take up a lot of mental space?

People make small judgements all the time because we all have different boundaries and ways of behaving. If your neighbours are having a noisy party and it's annoying you, if someone pushes in front of you in a queue, if someone saves a table with their bag in a cafe, if someone spreads their legs out on a bus...these are all things that must of the population would judge and deem the person as rude/selfish etc, however there would be a tiny percentage who generally wouldn't be bothered by these things. You would be a very unusual person not to judge as it's human nature. Being overly judgmental, as in judging people who do things differently to you and thinking you are superior, is different.

I judge lazy parents who don't teach their kids how to behave and women who let themselves get treated like shit by their dickhead boyfriends.

On the other hand I vape and I drink a bit too much so some will judge me for that.

Swings and roundabouts.

You make judgements all the time whether you’re aware of it/admit to it. It’s what keeps you safe and alive.

I judge anyone who claims not to judge other people because it’s virtue signalling and just plain daft.

You risk assess constantly, even more so when you’re responsible for a small child.

Just shows how subjective the concept is though, I would not give a shit if someone saved a table with a bag etc, certainly not enough to attribute the characteristic of being selfish to them.

I try to walk through life with the following thoughts at the forefront of all my reactions and interactions:

• My perception of someone's situation or action is subjective, I cannot know for sure what has led someone to do something, so I do not take my own interpretation of something as gospel.
• Behaviour is not black and white, and many people act out or act in certain ways for other reasons irrelevant to myself or the situation. Like a teenager being rude and snarky at school because their home life is shit. We all carry baggage and often trauma.
• I weigh up the value and necessity of my input if I do have anything negative to say or something to confront someone over. I never just do something because I think I am in the right morally, or if someone is in my opinion in the wrong. I wouldn't call someone out for the sake of it and get no pride in calling people out.
• I try more these days to be less reactive and more thoughtful in reactive situations

Being judgemental is in my opinion of of the worst traits in a person because it closes off empathy before it can even begin.

We're clearly talking about exclusively negative judgements of other people though, not the general concept of humans taking in their environment and being aware.

Hahaha, I am so judgmental about how other people look, while being a walking disaster myself

Yes your right @CandlelightGlow im talk more about negative judgments.

I risk assess constantly which is human nature but I don’t think I judge other peoples parenting constantly or what people wear or how they behave.

As long as it doesn’t affect me or my family people can crack on with their lives. Want to sleep with 500 people but you’re practicing safe sex go ahead you only get one life.

@Coyoacan I love this! I feel like we would be friends in real life!

I’m not in general due to life experiences showing me different sides of different situations and times where I was walking around traumatised and realising no-one would have a clue what I’d just been through.

I can’t help judging things I can’t get my head around like parents being awful to their own flesh and blood.

Quite a lot, despite working in a role where the reputation is for lots of empathy and understanding. I think I hide it well though- I’m good at what I do and apparently well liked. Same with other people’s parenting - in my mind there’s a lot of “For fuck’s sake, parent your fucking child” or “Oh what a shock, the teacher wants to have a chat for the fourth time this week” but it doesn’t come out.

I appreciate this makes me sound like Cruella de Ville. I’m not!

I judge in my head, sometimes it’s good judgmental and other times it’s ‘wtf’.

I do judge thick and lazy people I must admit.

I think it probably does happen more than you think, yes.

I pass judgment all the time, I just don't think about it that much or act on it.

@Coyoacan I am you too. I do not verbalise my judgement outside of my house, but oh yes, I judge. But then i judge on behaviour not appearance, so maybe it's OK. I care not, however.

I'm extremely judgemental. Like the PP I judge people on appearance, behaviour and the behaviour of their children.

I don't share these thoughts though - except with my husband who usually agrees!

I think this might make me more paranoid, I honestly don’t have that many negative thoughts about other people.

I do however have lots of negative thoughts about myself and I’m not very nice to myself. Maybe I’m more wrapped up in my own head to not notice others as much.

Very interesting though as I thought my friend might be more in the minority

Depends how pissed off I am feeling. Very pissed off = very judgemental, if there is no fault I'll just invent a fault. Happy as Larry = couldn't give a toss what anyone else looks like / does.

Slightly exaggerating here - in my right mind I'm not at all judgemental, but if I'm not feeling quite right I temporarily hate everyone. Mostly I keep it to myself.

People are extremely judgemental in their heads, this is a fact.

You are 100% right, the more tired or annoyed I am means I have less tolerance for other people.

Judgement can equal unconscious bias. Happens all the time.

I don't think I'm particularly judgmental day to day, I enjoy meeting different kinds of people and encountering other ways of doing things. MN fascinates me sometimes with posters saying they silently judge unpainted toenails, or dusty skirting boards, or toddlers with messy hair. I couldn't give a fuck.

Cruelty to children or animals though, I judge the shit out of that. It may sound obvious, but my Overton window for cruelty includes things like smacking, unnecessary circumcision and ear-piercing of babies. I do think you have to be lacking a part of your soul to want to inflict pain on a child (or animal) when there is absolutely no need.

I'm extremely judgemental, and it's the trait I dislike most about myself.

Got it from my parents, not sure if genetic or environment, but they grew up in a society that was incredibly judgemental, so everything is about appearances. You could be the most depraved sadist at home, but as long as you were an upstanding vicar outwith your own home, all good.

I never vocalise any of my judgements to others, I keep them in my own head.

@Starseeking I do think it’s something people learn. My friend said they would get home and her mum would say negative things about other people.

@Greensleeves i never paint my toe nails or finger nails 😲

Not as judgemental as my religious sibling... I'm pretty liberal.

I'm finding I'm much more judgemental in many ways about certain topics as I get older and much more mellowed out in other ways on others. My parents are actually I would say judgmental on the things I'm most mellow about so I don't think it is something that's learned

I think it's hugely based on life experience really - for example im Now a single parent of 3 - I find myself now being very judgmental of those mums (who have partners) who seem incapable of parenting more than one child at a time - I never used to be like that. I experienced infertility and now I do admit to being more judgmental when it comes to age you leave it to have children and also sperm and egg donation. The list is endless really - not because how I was raised or genetics - purely on how my life has panned out