Can't cope with one day on my own with the kids

[Hungrycaterpillarsmummy]

I have an 18m old and a 3.5yr old and me and DH decided I would drop one day at work so I can see them and look after them/save childcare costs.

Honestly, it's the day of the week I dread the most. I click watch all day until DH comes home.

How do other people manage? I find it hard work still lugging them around the place, we have a double buggy it is super heavy to push and I have a bad back but also don't want to drive them everywhere. 3.5 yr old refuses to walk very much so double buggy is a necessity (I'm working on getting him on his bike/running to park etc).

But they fight over toys, if I try and feed the little one upstairs to sleep for his nap the older one will make noises and scream and cry keeping the little one up! (Not always but sometimes)

I take them to softplay most Fridays as it's a good activity for them both but we eat there and I'm spending £20 every Friday that I really can't afford at the moment.
Taking them to the park is hell because one wants to go on one thing and the other is off in another direction. I just feel stressed the whole time and then am absolutely exhausted by the end of it all.

If I took them to the garden the little one will be in to everything they shouldn't be touching etc, they fight over the little card we have.

Do other people find this stage hard?!

Lots of coffee , lots of high energy playing like the beach , forest etc and make your life easier , use the tv or iPad if you need to focus on one child or get something done . Use the car if it makes life easier . Prepare for the day before so you just need to grab stuff . Do not stress about the small stuff . If it doesn’t work wait for hubby and a bath and large drink the grownup kind 😝

How long have you been doing it OP? You might just need time to get used to it! I found it the equivalent of hybrid work - it was way stressful doing part office, part home for me, I ended up taking a work break and just concentrating on the kids was a lot easier strangely than when I had them 2 days a week!

I know that's not practical but just wanted to make the point you shouldn't feel like a failure or whatever. You've worked your ass off all week already before you even get to the kid part!

I’m not, it just tickled me.. would fill me with horror.

It's basically just really hard at this stage! And the fact that you are working so hard and feeding at night will leave you running on empty before you even start.

This may not be practical for you but you may find that actually having the Monday off works better than the Friday. You're all more relaxed after the wknd instead of frazzled from work/nursery. And once the kids are at school, you'll find the wknds hectic and it will be nice to know you can put your feet up on a Monday.

It might be an idea to have a set routine to your day off. It's less planning and organising for you and the kids then know what to expect so feel more relaxed and look fwd to it. So maybe you always go to a class after breakfast and swimming after lunch. Or maybe have a list of 5 indoor and 5 outdoor activities and do outdoor in the morning, indoor after lunch. Or whatever.

As it's only one day, have some easy picnic food you can throw in a bag to take the work out of making lunch, eg satsumas, bananas, babybells, sausage rolls, cooked chicken pieces, dried fruit and nuts, peanut butter sandwiches etc.

There's also nothing wrong with having Fridays off whilst the kids are at nursery (if you can afford it) and taking some time to recharge......just saying.

Ok so I definitely need to be a lot more organised and plan what I'll do the day before.

I think changing my job will help with being less frazzled and I'll be able to plan easier once I start this new job soon

After I posted my op I took the kids to the local splash park just five mins away from where I live and that went well! They were both contained and safe, I took some ham sandwiches which my eldest wolfed down after having a splash around. Met a friend who gave me tickets to the circus. Big walk in buggy straight after so both kids slept albeit only one at a time (damn!) But it made the afternoon much easier. Then some playing on the garden although that didn't go quiet as well as the little one is just into everything dangerous..

Night time to the circus with the eldest whilst DH had the youngest at home so got some good 1-1 time in

I definitely agree about large open expanses that are safe for them rather than parks so I'm going to scope out a few places I can take them too.

I do want to continue trying with the Friday.
I do already condense my hours a bit so I'm working 32 hours. Friday is a half day at my work so I only lose 5 hours a week from my pay.

Thank you! I've done it since march I think. My mum said the same, that I'm not into a routine or rythym yet.

They are at different stages and difficult ages. Google and find free activities in your area. Try and establish a routine with them for they day (mimic nursery) it will get easier ( I say this as someone who's in the teenage years now.
Also ask for help, do you have any friends with dc of the same age who could come and play?
You will get through this, you will enjoy it but at first it's a load of shit!

Just don't expect to achieve much. I had 3 pre school for a year and no car. We lived in a village. Occasionally, if I needed the car, I would take them by bus to where my husband had parked it but getting 3 pre schoolers onto a bus was not something I would do unless desperate. We would go to local park for a play, use back garden. I found routine was crucial and they would all nap straight after lunch for a couple of hours. I had a bottom drawer in kitchen fill of Tupperware and utensils and they would play for ages just emptying drawer and drumming on containers etc and I would get on with jobs. It was exhausting and repetitive and I sometimes wondered if it would ever end, and I was doing it daily too. I just kept low expectations and fortunately DH was ok with this. When youngest was 12 months, DH did condensed week over 4 days and I worked 1 long day and it was great as he absolutely knew the stress of SAHP as looked after them every Friday, so he had great respect for what I had to do the other 4 days. It is hard, but gets easier ( until you have 3 teen-agers and start longing for babies again that you have a bit more control over!!!)

I would totally send the older one to nursery in the morning.

I just pulled him out from the morning session recently! I do regret it but they are full now and also he has been making noises about not liking nursery and not wanting to go. So I think he'd really hate it if I put him there and he realises little brother isn't going in too!

I'm going to persevere because we are absolutely skint right now anyway so it is saving money having them both at home.
Hopefully it gets easier as the little when understands more.

Something else I used to do OP, is make packed lunches the night before. Even if we weren't going anywhere. Have stuff in that's quick to grab and go and travels well. Have your nappy bag/rucksack ready packed and well stocked, sun cream, plasters, change of clothes if going near water, some crayons and paper, couple of toy cars/dinos/whatever. Bubbles are always good too.

Also, have the next days clothes laid out or just folded in an easy to grab pile.

I'm all about trying g to make my life easier.

I'm a little further on than you: DD is 20 months and Ds is four in four weeks, but routine is key: I have them on a Thursday. we drop my husband of at work in the morning at 8:20, which is stressful but means that we can all get ready, then off to town (car now but used to be bus). We always 'need' something in b and m/Wilko's, etc, and often I buy them a milkshake cartoon or something. We stop outside the library, have our drink, then go a group until 10:30. There's always some library books to take out/bring back, another errand or two, with the motivation of the 'treat shop' (bakery) before w get back on the car.

Home, TV on for one episode while everyone has their treat and a drink. Then, luckily, both of mine still nap (the eldest doesn't every day, bit still will on a Thursday). Up around 2, late lunch.

Then, out again! Usually just to the park: we often bring some fruit. It's now usually around 4, so by 4:30 we are home, hot chocolate, TV on until dh comes home. He takes over, I cook with a podcast.

It's really repetitive but for one day a week the kids love it to be. I find we do use a lot of food based motivation, but it's only one day .I also ditched the double buggle as soon as I could, ds has walked everywhere since he was just over two! Honestly, the least time spent in the house, the better.

I couldn’t do parks on my own for years, one would run one and the other the other way. I remember getting home and phoning my DH crying.
TBH I often used to put one in playgroup or half a day nursery and do something with the other. I also joined a gym that had a crèche and used that , a lot, to be never been as fit.

It really does get easier, I found once the youngest was three it got much easier really quickly.

I have a similar age gap between my oldest two (and a bigger one between DC2 and 3…go figure!) and those ages are hard. I also work PT and found it easier to just get out of the house all day on my days off. DC2 got pretty good at napping in the buggy / car and occasionally both would sleep!

Yes, soft play is not the relaxing “sit back with a coffee until one of them needs you” that I get to enjoy now they are 7 and 5 - you have to get involved and play with the little one, but at least they are having fun and using up energy! We also used to go to the woods or to NT type places with big gardens and open spaces, and to museums where there was lots of stuff for them to do. I was never very good at this but getting everything ready the night before really helps too.