How would you respond to this gross message from a male friend?

[ecdysiast2]

I say friend-this male friend used to be a quite close friend. We go to the same pub, live in the same area. I am a lesbian, in a relationship but not living together.

Sometime ago he just distanced himself from me. He'd in the past, helped me with jobs (I paid him!), he'd message me when he was going to the pub, he'd walk me home on occasion (other male friends have done this with me too) he'd come in for a drink before or after, he'd visit me just to sit in my garden as he doesn't have one himself, he was friendly with my girlfriend too. We had a group chat with another mutual friend too but then he suddenly stopped all of that and began blanking me if I saw him in the pub. I was a bit confused but ultimately decided if he wanted to not be friends with me any more for whatever reason, that was up to him and fair enough.

Recently he's been a bit more friendly toward me, has come and sat with me and mutual friends more if I was out, but nothing more than that.

Tonight he messaged me asking if I was coming to the pub. I said no, don't feel like it tonight but I also found it a bit odd because he hasn't done that since he distanced himself.

He text later saying he was going home, but was getting food first-did I want anything. Again, odd as he's never done that before and knows I dont really 'do' takeaways.

Then, not long afterward, I had a message from him saying;

'I'd go down on you for a good hour' 😳

I want to ignore it. I am sure he'll message me in the morning apologising. Not nice, but plenty of us have sent messages we regret when we've had a few I am sure. My girlfriend wants me to send a message to him saying this is completely inappropriate and he must not do it again.

WWYD?

[Bimblesalong]

Has he mistakenly messaged you thinking the number is the other person’s?

[Verifiedhuman]

Block delete

[Bimblesalong]

And yes, what verified human says although I would be tempted to send a short pithy message first.

[WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter]

Yeah right - Haha. Go home and get some sleep.

That would be my reply but I'm not easily offended.

[Saschka]

@Bimblesalong

Has he mistakenly messaged you thinking the number is the other person’s?

That would be my first thought - it is an incredibly random opening comment if he is coming onto you.

[Jibo]

I would reply "I don't think this was meant for me".

[WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter]

He fancies you. He's got pissed, he's been a twat.

I'd actually let stew on it for a couple of days.

[Farmageddon]

Sounds like he has a thing for you, and after a few drinks decided to message you. He doesn't sound like a great friend if he thinks that's in any way appropriate.

I would honestly distance myself from him, for yourself and also out of respect for your girlfriend.

[Fuckitydoodah]

@WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter

He fancies you. He's got pissed, he's been a twat.

I'd actually let stew on it for a couple of days.

This.

[BillyBraggisnotmylover]

@Jibo

I would reply "I don't think this was meant for me".

I’d do this too - “I assume that was meant for somebody else” and leave it at that, see how he responds. Mortifyingly embarrassed, no harm no foul but if he says it was meant for you then you know to block and delete.

[EineReiseDurchDieZeit]

Yes Let Him Stew. Hope that he texts to apologise - give it a week and block if he doesn't

[Lissadell]

I’d assume it was accidentally sent to the wrong person, and hope that the person for whom it was intended was psychologically basic enough to actually, inexplicably, think that this was a deeply appealing come-on.

Because for me it conjured up some slobbery nit with a poor sense of direction giving himself lockjaw.

[Woodywoodpeckerharrison]

@Lissadell

I’d assume it was accidentally sent to the wrong person, and hope that the person for whom it was intended was psychologically basic enough to actually, inexplicably, think that this was a deeply appealing come-on.

Because for me it conjured up some slobbery nit with a poor sense of direction giving himself lockjaw.

Lol

[Floralnomad]

I would do what a pp suggested and say ‘I think you’ve sent me this message in error ‘

[Fuckitydoodah]

I bet you'll get a text in the morning making out he thought he was texting someone else, but got mixed up because he'd had a few drinks.

[ecdysiast2]

Thanks all. Yes, I am going to go with this 'I dont think that message was meant for me'.

[Verifiedhuman]

@ecdysiast2

Thanks all. Yes, I am going to go with this 'I dont think that message was meant for me'.

But it was meant for you

[ecdysiast2]

I have a feeling it was yes, unfortunately

[Verifiedhuman]

@ecdysiast2

I have a feeling it was yes, unfortunately

So why respond in the way you suggested? What do you want to come of this? Have some self respect and respect for your partner... if you must text let him know your true feelings e.g. "I would hate that and I'm disappointed you shared this with me" then block and delete.

[Livelovebehappy]

Most definitely not meant for you. Can’t see how there would be such a big leap from nothing previously straight to saying something like this. There would have been other stuff hinted at or a build up.

[WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter]

Let him stew. It's not up to you to reply.

[CheekyHobson]

“I assume this message wasn’t meant for me. On the off-chance it was, it’s not appropriate so please don’t do it again.”

[blackbeardsballsack]

@WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter

Let him stew. It's not up to you to reply.

Yeah, let him panic in the morning

[Coffeeandcards]

I would first say “I think you sent me this in error.”

If he apologises profusely, that would be the end of it, but I’d keep him at arm’s length and any future incidents would be game over for contact completely.

If he comes back saying he did mean it for you, I’d tell him it was completely inappropriate as I was a) in a relationship, b) a lesbian, and c) had never given him any inclination to think I would welcome such a message, and to not contact me again.

[BillyBraggisnotmylover]

I wouldn’t be offering a “please”. “Don’t do it again” is perfectly direct!