How would you respond to this gross message from a male friend?

[ecdysiast2]

I say friend-this male friend used to be a quite close friend. We go to the same pub, live in the same area. I am a lesbian, in a relationship but not living together.

Sometime ago he just distanced himself from me. He'd in the past, helped me with jobs (I paid him!), he'd message me when he was going to the pub, he'd walk me home on occasion (other male friends have done this with me too) he'd come in for a drink before or after, he'd visit me just to sit in my garden as he doesn't have one himself, he was friendly with my girlfriend too. We had a group chat with another mutual friend too but then he suddenly stopped all of that and began blanking me if I saw him in the pub. I was a bit confused but ultimately decided if he wanted to not be friends with me any more for whatever reason, that was up to him and fair enough.

Recently he's been a bit more friendly toward me, has come and sat with me and mutual friends more if I was out, but nothing more than that.

Tonight he messaged me asking if I was coming to the pub. I said no, don't feel like it tonight but I also found it a bit odd because he hasn't done that since he distanced himself.

He text later saying he was going home, but was getting food first-did I want anything. Again, odd as he's never done that before and knows I dont really 'do' takeaways.

Then, not long afterward, I had a message from him saying;

'I'd go down on you for a good hour' 😳

I want to ignore it. I am sure he'll message me in the morning apologising. Not nice, but plenty of us have sent messages we regret when we've had a few I am sure. My girlfriend wants me to send a message to him saying this is completely inappropriate and he must not do it again.

WWYD?

[Ndd135632]

I would laugh and move on.

[PumpkinsAndCoconuts]

It is (IMO) the overall situation that makes this so bad/uncomfortable.

Seems to me like they were initially close. He realises that OP isn't at all interested (gasp!).

He distances himself from OP. Ignores her and is preeetty rude.

Gets drunk. Tries his luck more subtly. Then proceeds to make an inappropriate proposal.

OP (who is the one who actually experienced his past behaviour) has tingly spide-y senses and suspects it's for her. Turns out OP was right....

OP doesn't answer. He realises that he grossly misjudged the situation. AND he doesn't even have the decency to properly apologise?

[lljkk]

I'd be narked but judge him on what happens next not what he already acknowledges was a mistake.

You could be bland & say "i really don't ever want to see a message like that again." and hope that draws a line under it & you can both move on. Only because you obviously both value the relationship in other ways.

[TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross]

I’d have just replied: Well, that sounds boring.

[jellybelly22]

So it was meant for you then? It would explain why he's been blowing hot and cold with you for a while. He obviously has feelings for you. What a ridiculous way for him to confess though.

[SallyWD]

I'd probably reply "WTF?" and nothing else and let him stew and hopefully feel mortified.

[OpenDoors72]

@Verifiedhuman

Block delete

This. You can't be friends with someone who fancies you to the extent they have to avoid you.

He's going to keep trying to convert you otherwise.

[ThreeRingCircus]

I don't think I'd even dignify this with a response to be honest, let him stew. It would be the end of the friendship anyway, what a creep.

[ecdysiast2]

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts

It is (IMO) the overall situation that makes this so bad/uncomfortable.

Seems to me like they were initially close. He realises that OP isn't at all interested (gasp!).

He distances himself from OP. Ignores her and is preeetty rude.

Gets drunk. Tries his luck more subtly. Then proceeds to make an inappropriate proposal.

OP (who is the one who actually experienced his past behaviour) has tingly spide-y senses and suspects it's for her. Turns out OP was right....

OP doesn't answer. He realises that he grossly misjudged the situation. AND he doesn't even have the decency to properly apologise?

Yes, I was! and your whole post really rings very true to be honest. He was obviously really 'bothered' by the situation. He knew I was a lesbian from the very 'get go' of my becoming a friend of his, I know this because someone else had told him. I did actually really like him! He's an intelligent person and we'd have some good chats about all sorts of things.
He works but doesn't make a lot of money (handyman sort of job) and as such when I needed things doing I'd ask him to, I paid him fairly. I always bought him a beer if he walked me home.

He was quite rude I suppose? A lot of people in the pub we both attend were very confused about it and approached me about it, asking what had happened (nothing!) -as was I,as we used to often be 'together' but I didn't approach him about suddenly not wanting anything to do with me, I tried to rationalise that nobody has to be anyone's friend if they don't want to be, and whatever his reasons were, they were valid to him-although (obviously I think?) I did sort of wonder what I might have done wrong. I reasoned that although I enjoyed our friendship it wasn't that much of a big deal, and I was civil to him in the pub although I accepted we were 'people who knew one another' rather than friends, now.

Some other things have gone on too that aren't really relevant to this scenario.

Anyway, I've been in the pub since and he has apologised and 'owned' it now. Said he was sorry and was just incredibly drunk. I was 'okay' about it. One thing I did say to him was that to be careful with this sort of thing going forward, perhaps not drink so much and/or be mindful of his behaviour as yes, I am not mentally scarred by it (I've had far worse!) but some women might be very upset/frightened by that sort of thing.