Elderly neighbour acting odd, knocking on doors in nightclothes

[Eggyhair]

A neighbour from a few houses away, has always been nosey and a bit of a gossip.

When DD was at primary, we walked past their house twice a day and they (her and her husband), would always stop to talk to us. She also spoke to my parents a lot, before dad died.

A few weeks ago, DD & I were waiting for a friend to pick us up and she came out. She said she was being nosey and asked who we were and how long we'd been here. I told her I'd been here for 14 years and DD all her life and said she should probably didn't recognise DD as she'd grown (she's 12 and doesn't look that different, but was being charitable, not sure why she didn't remember me).

I had a supermarket delivery and the driver said she was asking him for forms to get deliveries. He told her she'd need to do it online, but she said she doesn't have the internet and wanted to do it by forms. She then kept walking up and down, till he went. Same with my next delivery.

This afternoon (4pm), she knocked on my door, wearing a nightie, dressing gown and slippers. She asked for a male name I'd never heard of and know no one who lives on our road has. She then asked who I was and where I came from. I said I came from my house (as I was a bit confused by what she meant). She said not to mind her, that she was drunk! She then asked about a funeral, confirmed I wasn't the male she was seeking and went. I asked if she was OK, she said she was, but I watched her home.

I'm guessing social services would be the best bet? It would be very difficult to talk to her husband (who I rarely see, as he had a femur operation recently).

Not sure what else to do. I'm assuming dementia, unless she is alcoholic, which doesn't seem likely (and she didn't appear drunk at all, just confused).

I'm definitely not clueless about the practical realities of dementia, and you yourself acknowledge that sometimes a care home is unavoidable. Yes you have to "muddle through" but people with dementia are often vulnerable and a danger to themselves, and can even put others at risk of harm. My family member cannot be left alone. She's able to live in her own home only because she has a professional live in carer.

Well do excuse us members of the general public for being unaware of the exact terminology we should use when we are trying to help someone in need.

My utter loathing and contempt of social workers started with a personal experience of one 45+ years ago, and your attitude does nothing to change my mind about that.

And her partner has mental capacity but has more physical care needs than she does following a stroke. They would both be entirely unable to look after themselves or each other.

Just what I was thinking - how are they supposed to muddle through?

No one on this thread is saying how dementia should be managed.
It is about whether or not to raise a concern for an apparently vulnerable person. Maybe nothing would be done, but with increasing instances of confusion or putting themselves in harm's way will build a picture of how that person is coping and result in some sort of help.

She's wandering, a bit confused in her own neighbourhood

Being in one's own neighbourhood won't keep someone safe when in a state of confusion and undress, though. There are roads, questionable characters and other hazards everywhere. The confused person may walk into a house that isn't theirs.

My MIL lived in a village in a VERY affluent area. It was quiet, but there were streams, steep drops, animals, barbed wire... she kept bothering her elderly neighbours at all times of the day and night which was tiring and distressing for them. She left her doors open all the time, and more than once invited random tourists in to her house to spend the night in her spare room!

It's difficult to know the situation is here or what's best to do in this, or any other, situation. But I think many of us think that a proactive rather than reactive approach may be better.

It's difficult to know the situation is here or what's best to do in this, or any other, situation. But I think many of us think that a proactive rather than reactive approach may be better.

This.

When my neighbour with dementia took to wandering the streets at night, they used to send the police helicopter up with their heat-seeking camera to look for him. That's how seriously they took it. We'd get woken up in the night by the noise of the helicopter overhead and know they were out searching for him. Again.

I posted some guidelines for care homes when a resident with dementia goes wandering and they can't be found. Seems like they take it pretty seriously too.

@hatgirl

I have no doubt that you are correct. ( The same posters who are anting at you for stating legal guidelines will probably be the first onto the ‘ unnecessary interference’ train as well.)

@Ereshkigalangcleg , yes, a professional live-in carer would be a good solution for many people, but as we found out when investigating this option for an elderly relative (frail but no dementia) the cost can work out at even more than a nice care home. If help is needed during the night, which was the case with ours (needing the loo more than once) that means more than one carer on shifts.

And that cost has to be added to all the general expenses of running a house, which is not the case if the person moves to a care home, when typically, unless there’s a great deal of spare cash available, their house will be sold to fund the fees.

The Care Act 2014 (s9) places a duty on local authorities to assess adults in need (through impairment or disability) in their local authority. Someone with dementia who appears to have care needs would.likely fall into this bracket and be assessed by adult social care. If found eligible they would then be offered services. Even if ineligible they should be sign posted to community resources. In theory such services should meet needs but also work in a preventative way to stop abuse/neglect from occurring.

If someone is experiencing abuse or neglect a different part of the Care Act 2014 kicks in. Section 42 (which was outlined earlier by @hatgirl).

Probably most people in the general public will use the term safeguarding in a general sense (e.g. that someone's needs are going unmet and that this will be harmful) rather than referring to the legal process set out in s42.

Anyway the OP isn't wrong to be concerned that this woman has unmet needs which should be assessed, and @hatgirl isn't wrong for pointing out the term safeguarding refers to a specific process set out in law and guidance.

However, if someone rings the local authority stating they have a safeguarding concern and this concern doesn't meet the threshold for s42, this concern shouldn't be dismissed rather the local authority should then consider where it's an "in need" s9 issue.

@dodobookends , during the many years when I was coping with dementia, I was a regular user of the Alzheimer’s Soc. Talking Point forum (which I do wholeheartedly recommend for anyone in this unenviable position.).

In the case of repeated wandering off, especially if at night and in unsuitable clothes, it was often advised to contact the police. By all accounts they were invariably very helpful, plus they would inform social services, who (so it was said) when typically overworked would take more notice of reports from the police, than from anxious relatives.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER
It was her neighbours' repeated calls to the police that seemed to prompt intervention in my MIL's case.
The police were so so helpful with her.

yes, a professional live-in carer would be a good solution for many people, but as we found out when investigating this option for an elderly relative (frail but no dementia) the cost can work out at even more than a nice care home. If help is needed during the night, which was the case with ours (needing the loo more than once) that means more than one carer on shifts.

I know. My grandmother and her partner are fortunate to be in a financial position to do this. It costs an absolute fortune.

I would try a get her husband to contact the Gp. She will then get a diagnosis if not already has one but can be referred to the psychiatric team

Sounds like the poor husband may be in denial about his wife’s health. It took a long time for my dad to accept that my mum may have dementia. Even now, 5 years on from her Alzheimer’s diagnosis he still tries to muddle on without outside help and a few times she has ended up in the front garden whilst looking for him if he’s been in the back garden and she’s forgotten, who knows where she may end up. If my sister and myself weren’t around the corner and popping in all the time the op’s post could be my parents story.
Definitely wise to contact SS and I believe it is a safeguarding issue. The poor lady could get into any kind of trouble walking about on her own not knowing where she is or who she is conversing with, sadly not everyone is a kind and thoughtful as the op.
Dementia is a wicked disease and hard enough to cope with when you have family support, being on your own with this hell, elderly and infirm calls for outside help asap.

My father in law cared for MiL when she had dementia, he wasn't coping well but we only found out that after he died as we were banned from visiting. We were lucky enough to have professional carers in the family and they moved in.
The best thing OP could do is be a good neighbour, pop in to see them regularly and get a feel for things, as a previous poster mentioned it may be a UTI rather than dementia. If at any point her husband expresses a need for help then she could have a chat about options