Elderly neighbour acting odd, knocking on doors in nightclothes

[Eggyhair]

A neighbour from a few houses away, has always been nosey and a bit of a gossip.

When DD was at primary, we walked past their house twice a day and they (her and her husband), would always stop to talk to us. She also spoke to my parents a lot, before dad died.

A few weeks ago, DD & I were waiting for a friend to pick us up and she came out. She said she was being nosey and asked who we were and how long we'd been here. I told her I'd been here for 14 years and DD all her life and said she should probably didn't recognise DD as she'd grown (she's 12 and doesn't look that different, but was being charitable, not sure why she didn't remember me).

I had a supermarket delivery and the driver said she was asking him for forms to get deliveries. He told her she'd need to do it online, but she said she doesn't have the internet and wanted to do it by forms. She then kept walking up and down, till he went. Same with my next delivery.

This afternoon (4pm), she knocked on my door, wearing a nightie, dressing gown and slippers. She asked for a male name I'd never heard of and know no one who lives on our road has. She then asked who I was and where I came from. I said I came from my house (as I was a bit confused by what she meant). She said not to mind her, that she was drunk! She then asked about a funeral, confirmed I wasn't the male she was seeking and went. I asked if she was OK, she said she was, but I watched her home.

I'm guessing social services would be the best bet? It would be very difficult to talk to her husband (who I rarely see, as he had a femur operation recently).

Not sure what else to do. I'm assuming dementia, unless she is alcoholic, which doesn't seem likely (and she didn't appear drunk at all, just confused).

You said "but what do you expect social services to dooo" as if she shouldn't even mention it to them.

Have you ever questioned whether your government guidelines are in the best interests of everyone?

Great post from @justgettingthroughtheday

Social services (and the government no doubt) have their own interpretation of the word. Which they have enshrined in law. Minimising their legal responsibilities to everyone and anyone.

Do you have to "seek consent" to report that a 5 year old child is alone on your street, no sign of any guardian, knocking on doors and wandering around? No? Ask yourself why.

@hatgirl I might have guessed you were a social worker from your attitude of leaving it to the husband to sort out and saying she is a 'bit confused' the poor women clearly has dementia. I know from experience from my mum with dementia social workers don't have a clue.

Whose consent? A person with dementia is unable to give it, that's the whole problem!

Yes and how would anyone know there was abuse or neglect by a career if the carer was the only person allowed to report it!

Carer not career

Unless the woman has had a Mental Capacity Act assessment then her ability to give consent is presumed. Dementia is progressive, you don't lose your ability to consent the moment you have a diagnosis.

@hatgirl is correct, by the sound of it this woman doesn't meet the criteria for Safeguarding. However, as @hatgirl has also said, the LA/ASC has a statutory duty to provide information and an assessment IF they are asked to do so by the person.

@hatgirl didn't make the law, so I'm not sure why she's getting such a hard time.

How would you know what the situation is unless you investigate?

"By the sound of it" you don't actually know whether the woman has capacity. Hatgirl is "getting a hard time" because she's smugly deflecting responsibility for a potentially vulnerable adult being neglected.

Please explain what you are supposed to do in the event you believe a child is being neglected putting them at risk of harm. And then the same for a vulnerable person with moderate to severe dementia.

Unless the woman has had a Mental Capacity Act assessment then her ability to give consent is presumed. Dementia is progressive, you don't lose your ability to consent the moment you have a diagnosis.

Oh FGS tell me something I don't know. As I said, I've been through this with MIL. She wouldn't let them into her home to give her a mental capacity assessment, so that went undone and nothing pursued. Eventually it did happen, but she was having a good day then, and "passed" despite everything we and her neighbours had reported, which should had spurred something into pretty urgent action because the situation was diabolical.

The reason @hatgirl is being given a hard time is because she is defending ridiculous guidelines and splitting hairs about what constitutes a situation that should require SS involvement.

To be honest, I think a lot of people don't have a clue about dementia.

So true. Often a person with dementia will just not eat or drink because they forget. If your loved one is 4 hours away it's bloody terrifying when no one else will help.

My grandma has a negative mental capacity assessment as she has moderate to severe dementia, she has a partner but he had a massive stroke but hasn't got one, though he clearly isn't firing on all cylinders and isn't now either physically or mentally capable of being a carer for her.

Or a UTI. Only time my mother has had one of those it was terrifying, like instant dementia. This lady needs to be seen by her GP at the very least - if it’s a UTI it’s been going much too long, and if it’s dementia she’s not getting the help and protection she needs.

I am more than aware of what adult social services deal with

I dont need to google thank you

@hatgirl

Adult Social Services were involved when my Dad was very ill and unsafely discharged from hospital. He was my increasingly less than mobile mother's carer but became unable to fulfill the role.

There was no abuse. Social services were contacted by the care company who my parents had been using for a few months because of safety fears. They took it very seriously, thankfully. Unlike @hatgirl, if she is indeed a social worker.

Yes, they should be able to help in this instance because of the very obvious safeguarding issues. The woman's husband is not in a position to manage her with her confusion and wanderings in her nightdress.

She has a genuine concern, and when I saw a little old lady shuffling past my house in just a nightie, slippers and trousers, I rang the Police. They sent so many units out. They eventually found her husband distraught a few blocks away. The Police referred them on to SS. It should not be getting to just reaction to a situation, being proactive instead helps the lady, her husband, and prevents admissions to hospitals.

My MIL has dementia, lives with her not very mobile husband, a similar situation. The thing is, what do you want SS to do? The options are bring in carers for a couple of visits a day (at vast expense to the couple, probably, and this won't stop her wandering), or put the lady in a home (again, who pays for this?). They probably don't want that option yet - just because someone is confused they don't have to be locked up.

Unfortunately what we've realised is that there just isn't a good option that solves dementia and there isn't a vast amount of help available. Yes, she is absolutely at risk wandering about, but the options for fixing the situation are limited. I'd probably speak to the husband first, say you're worried about his wife, ask if they're accessing support and if he needs help making arrangements so she can't let herself out and get lost. He may be in denial about her mental capacities or they may already be accessing support. If you can't speak to him in private how about writing him a letter?

Yes, she is absolutely at risk wandering about, but the options for fixing the situation are limited.

what do you want SS to do?

Whatever options can or should be put in place to help are down to the local authorities wherever the vulnerable person is.
It's not really down to a concerned neighbour to consider how a person should be cared for.

OP, contact adult social services. If you know her GP (how would you? But just in case) put it in writing to them. Thank you for noticing.

@hatgirl is just trying to explain that when adult social care are contacted the OP should be raising a concern about the adult, but not a "safeguarding" concern. Safeguarding is a specific term where someone is suffering abuse. Otherwise every single referral asc receive would be a safeguarding!

Safeguarding comes under specific legislation.

Please stop playing "bash the social worker". Like anyone in the public sector, social workers are trying to do their best in a system chronically under funded and under resourced, whilst being underpaid and hated by the public.

@Oldermum84 hear hear