Today on the phone to my mother I .....

[lightlypoached]

Got washing in from the garden and folded it.
Got a new high score on a mind-numbing game
Checked my emails
Made and drank a whole pot of tea.
Watched some pigeons fighting on the bird feeder

My dear mum, bless her, goes into 'transmit mode ' for a good hour every time I call. She's not really into conversation or asking what I've been up to so I just listen, react as required and get on with my stuff 😬

She's totally oblivious.

Anyone else have an elderly rellie who does this ? And if so what activities do you get up to?

FIL is like this. However, he demands agreement and attention unfortunately so you can't just tune out. So it goes:

Rant blah blah rant RIGHT? YOU AGREE RIGHT?

For hours. <weeps>

Yep.

My relative will happily ramble for an hour, mostly local gossip about people I don't know and their illnesses, deaths, and family fall outs.

Mind numbing.

Ahh yes.

Mum: "You remember Sue , who is Jane's daughter from her second marriage who had the husband with one leg?"

Me: who's Jane ?
Mum: my cleaners sisters husband. You know that I posted about it on FB/ messenger/WhatsApp 6 months ago?

Me: ermmmmmmm

Yep…my widowed step-mother. She’s calls and says “firstly, how are you? Good? And DH-good? And the the DC - good?” Then goes on to tell me how good she is and all about her daily routines, outings etc. then telling me all about the lives of people I’ve never met.
It can go on for up to an hour. I always flick through my phone(often read mumsnet!)
She also has a habit of using the word ‘obviously’ multiple times, in every single sentence. I find it so weird, she’s always been like this.
I just let her do her thing and when she is ready to say goodbye shes says “it’s been good to catch up” even though she has virtually no idea about my week - so odd!

Oh my mum is like this. On the phone is one thing but in person it's not like I can just zone her out and do something else. And it's the SAME BLOODY STORIES over and over again! Yes I do know know that your old colleague's daughter's next door neighbour's dog-sitter got done for benefit fraud because you've told me six times in the last four months!
Does anyone else's relative also put a self-congratulatory spin on every story? As in "I bumped into Dierdre in town, you know, the checkout lady I always go to in Tesco, and she said she had passed on my [inane piece of unsolicited advice] to her son and he was SO GRATEFUL. Do you know he's moving to Geneva in September - and remember we met that lady from there back in 2008? I was telling Dierdre all about her and she was so interested to hear all about it, I think she's a bit lonely you know, so I always make time to chat to her at the till while 14 other customers tut inpatiently behind me in the queue..." 😵‍💫
It's unbearable. DH just gets up and leaves the room mid-monologueanecdote

There was a point where, before I learned how to say no and have boundaries, my MIL would call multiple times a day to talk at me. I learned to set a mental timer. “Whoops, gotta go, kids biting the dog!”

My husbands Grandma was like this. She was lovely but she liked to tell him a very detailed story!!
I was with him shopping and he told me he would catch me up. He never came but was still on the phone looking like a hostage victim!! 😂

Ha! Oh dear. I spoke with my mum today. She didn't ask how i was but I know she loves me and lacks skill in how to chat so I threw in how it had "been a mostly wonderful weekend with only one blip", and she didn't ask about the blip! Often she searches for more things to say, literally says, "let's see, what else can i tell you", and if she can't think of anything then she's done with the call!

My uncle used to do this, he'd chatter away, and tell anecdotes from 50 years ago that I'd heard 100 times before. I used to call him when I was on my hour plus long commute home on a Friday and I still find myself going to call him now 💔

I once was really poorly and threw up mid phone call with a friend.

I came back into the room and she was still telling her story. She hasn't noticed I wasn't on the phone anymore.

My mum does this, I love her to bits and we only speak once a week or less but it really is just a monologue with me mumbling acknowledgment in the right places. I know she cares but she doesn’t want to hear how shit my job is or how stressed I am so I just let her chat.

I left home 30 years ago but my mum still talks about people I knew in childhood and their families who she assumes I still know🤣 It all means nothing to me but I just nod and agree🤷‍♀️

I normally crochet or just get on with stuff.

My mum likes to give me a background summary and then a blow by blow account of who said what. It's a bit like someone reading a screenplay out. 'Sarah said' then 'I said: etc..it's normally something that could be described in 10 seconds.

My mom had a stoke 18 month ago, I phone every Sunday and love each and every word she says.
Her memory is getting better, and she’s reading more books.
Her last book was about a nun who worked at the Vatican.
Meanwhile I took photos and walked through my garden, probably grinning like an idiot.
She’s absolutely amazing and I wish I was more like her.

Loving the term "transmit mode" @lightlypoached I've not heard that one before. Perfectly describes my dad actually. He spoke at me for the first 90 minutes of his last visit, and only then thought to ask how I'm doing and what's been going on with me. His 'news' is always updating me on his deeply theoretical thermodynamics projects (he's retired, it's his hobby..), and arguments with strangers on the internet who doubt his theories. I have no interest in science, and he knows it.

My mum does love to tell the same stories over and over, so much so that I can predict every time a topic of conversation will trigger which exact "funny" story. She tells them as if it's the first time, and expects a big laugh every time.. it's so exhausting.

Yep, my mum is the same. She will chatter on while I am doing stuff, giving me a complete run down on every single thing she's done since the last time we spoke (yesterday). And I mean everything.
She knows i'm pottering around, but as long as I reply with some kind of noise or a few words every now and then she just keeps on going.

My mum was like that.

My brother once fell asleep while she was talking to him.

She would also retell old stories.

She would also retell stories that she had made up. Anyone who has ever gone to university has, "got their grant / loan and spent it already" this was on A Level results day!

Don't think it's age related. I took down all our Christmas decorations while listening and "mmmhm"ing to a friend my own age. My dd can chat for Britain. Just be glad we live in the age of Bluetooth headphones.

My great aunt used to do this and my mum would sometimes put the receiver down (it was back in the 90s) and walk away to make a cup of tea and come back and she'd still be gobblechopsing along 😅

Now my mum is becoming the same. I think another the time she gave her aunt and try to be patient.

DM does this too.
Now she lives half a mile away she does it f2f when I go to take the dog out, bring her shopping, fetch her to a hospital apt etc.

She is currently fixated on how amazing her beautician is, who I know through a shared sport of our sons. "Ooh she's so organised, she's a single mum (she isn't), she works full time (she doesn't), she supports her son in his sport, takes him to all his matches (so do I! And it's mostly her dad who does away matches!). Totally overlooking that I do all that for 2 dc and run errands for her!

It's kind of putting me off doing stuff for her. I know she lives alone and appreciate the company, but 15 min errands are taking 90 mins!

Yup, DSIL. She just bangs on and on, if you try to ‘make conversation’ , that is, say something yourself, she just goes, oh yes and continues with her intricate detailing of her life events like going to ASDA.

I love the Bluetooth headphone idea, don’t have one so just put the phone on speaker and get on with whatever I was doing,. I had practice with DM, so I have coping mechanisms.

I’ve never met her ( lives eight hours away) but I know a great deal about her life…..

MIL: You know Bob?
Me: No.
MIL: Bob, he lives round the corner?
Me: No.
MIL: Bob went to school with DH. Or was it with BIL1. Perhaps BIL2. Anyway, Bob's cousin was one of them that had a baby to Chris. Do you know Chris?
Me: No.
MIL: Well Chris worked at Smiths with Jim years ago it was now, when Jim was with her with the big teeth that worked the the Coop.
Me: er.
MIL: She lived next door to Kevin, you know Kevin?
Me: No I live 200 miles away
MIL: Kevin's mum's partner's dad had that red Fiesta, remember?
Me: No.
MIL: Well he's dead.

They are always dead. Or in prison. Or having a baby with him with the dodgy ear.

My mum does this.
I play on my phone, watch TV with the subtitles on, see.
It's funny because as a young child I remember her mum ringing her and after about an hour she would call me or my sister to either set the oven timer off or ring the doorbell so she had an excuse to end the call. She used to moan about this weekly call. We didn't have a car so didn't visit often so it was just once a week. I have a weekly 'chat' call numerous 'how do I/can you just/please explain ' type calls (usually about tech issues and while I'm trying to work) and visit normally weekly. She doesn't see the irony at all....

My SIL is like this. I try so hard to chill out but it winds me up something chronic. I once gave my DH a blowjob whilst she was just gassing on, just to pass the time.

I hear ya, OP.

My mum is like this too.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I did X with your auntie Margaret in 1975?”
”Yes Mum, you’ve told me that story before”
”Did I? It was very funny. Margaret had just come home from a holiday and she told me that she had left her bag…”
And on she goes for twenty minutes.

I’m at the stage now where I can tune out but know when to offer a “uh-huh” or a tut.

I love my mother very much and remind myself that I’ll miss these calls awfully when she’s gone, but it can be tough going.

Really?

That’s perverse.

Please tell me you’re joking.