Today on the phone to my mother I .....

[lightlypoached]

Got washing in from the garden and folded it.
Got a new high score on a mind-numbing game
Checked my emails
Made and drank a whole pot of tea.
Watched some pigeons fighting on the bird feeder

My dear mum, bless her, goes into 'transmit mode ' for a good hour every time I call. She's not really into conversation or asking what I've been up to so I just listen, react as required and get on with my stuff 😬

She's totally oblivious.

Anyone else have an elderly rellie who does this ? And if so what activities do you get up to?

This thread takes me back to my late mothers phone calls. Everyone she met was wonderful. They were doing x, y, z. Going here and there. Why wasn't I doing these sort of things?!. Always forgetting I was a single parent holding down 2 jobs. I could go boil kettle make a coffee come back and she'd still be in mid flow!.

This is why I only mostly text my mum nowadays. And with f2f visits I allow 30 mins then have a deadline, so only call in when she knows I have to shortly pick up the kids or something. She will still follow me to my car jabbering on as I'm leaving, and in the middle of a visit will often continue the conversation even if I nip upstairs to the loo. I say 'I can't hear you, back in a sec' but she doesn't even draw breath! I love her but she is developing more and more narcissistic traits, she will say something like 'the kids ok?' but not actually wait for an answer and go on with monologuing. I could say 'the house burned down, kids ran away, I broke my leg and I'm in hospital' and she'd be like 'ooh dear, anyway you remember Bob's daughter from across the way of that old house we lived in before you were born...' She'll also retell old stories, if I say 'oh yeah, I know, you told me the other day' it doesn't stop and she'll just continue like I've not even spoken. But most annoyingly she will just make up stuff that I 200% know isn't true and that always shows her to be the hero of the story. Really hope I don't turn into her!

I really worry about getting like this. It is so exhausting to be on the receiving end of people like this, I used to end visits to one elderly relative worn out with having had no ACTUAL communication. I don't know why it was so tiring, but it definitely was. I ended up feeling as if I was completely unimportant to them and it was a bit upsetting.

That was my Nana and Grandad.

Well you'll never guess who's dead, x God rest his soul.

It would be the postman from when my dad was 4 or someone my Nana went to school with.

I found my people
Mum"did you know she went to hospital"
Me" who is she"
Mum"well she has a terrible time "
Me"who is she"
Carry on with this for 10-20 minutes before I find out she is no one I know

The perfect scenario to hand a phone to a toddler!!
Maybe ddog/dcat would love to share a call with deranged relative?

How do you hold your phone whilst you get the washing in? I'm always on speaker but have no where to put it outside.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads Have you not told her that she's not a single mum? That she doesn't work full time? I would! She's praising somebody for doing what you do and ignoring her own daughter's efforts

My Mil does the same monologue thing. Just talks at me for a good hour, hardly ever asks me anything, never listens when people do tell her something. Her 'best friend' was in hospital last year and seriously ill, never bothered to find out what was wrong with her, Mil was just annoyed because she couldn't go on a weekend away with her that they had planned.

It's really annoying. I know she is lonely but if that's how you communicate with people around you it's no wonder people don't want to befriend her.

I may be a total bitch but I just couldn't be doing with this.

Luckily it's only for ten mins, but a conversation with my Mum is one sided and often, if I manage to get a sentence in, she dismisses it or doesn't agree. Have to admit more recently I've started putting her on speaker phone so all I have to say is, 'Hi, It's only me ... umm ... umm (in response to what she's saying) ... right, I better go as ...'

If you are one of many siblings, like me, DM will tell some of us the same news multiple times and forget to tell the others, and you find out months later.

I've heard every story millions of times. I ring her while on my commute home in the car as it's more efficient than listening to her at home while I eye up all the things I could be doing instead.

My mum does this all the time. I haven’t lived in their village for nearly 30 years, I live 250 miles away, and yet she is adamant that I must know the person she is talking about. I don’t. I never did.

I also get treated to a weekly run down of what she and my dad do in minute detail eg traffic and what part of a road it is on and what time of day, whether they chose an americano or a latte in M&S cafe (an americano lately, as the latte is never hot despite them asking for it extra hot when they shouldn’t have to ask it should be hot and more lately it is too strong so they have to remember to ask for one shot and they shouldn’t have to) and the one way system that just isn’t working.

I’m exhausted just typing it. And it is in relation to absolutely everything g imaginable.

She does ask me questions though, like what news I have, and I tell her in very basic terms what is happening. Which is always quite a lot, given that I have two high needs children and DH and a social life. And then says ‘is that it?’, without a trace or irony, as if my life isn’t at all interesting given that we don’t have a one way system, I always have an americano and traffic is always heavy.

Love her to bits though. She’d have no idea that she was in any way unusual.

My exMIL used to do this. I remember my SIL being on the phone to her once,laying the phone down, going off to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee,then coming back and picking up the phone. She must have been gone 5 or 6 minutes,but her DM didn't even realise that she''d been gone!

This thread is so sad. I talk to my mum every day for ages and we chat about anything and everything and always have a laugh together. I love our chats and spending time with her. If I need to do stuff I stick my headphones on and walk and talk or do laundry, gardening, cleaning or whatever but I still listen and have a conversation with her while I do those things. I see her most days too. She's 83 and precious to me. We became extra close after my dad died.

I call my mum when the guilt makes me, but I now do it on a Friday after work so I can have a few gin and tonics. Less homicidal thoughts that way. More bearable/entertaining when sloshed.
We're not close.

My Dad (85) does this since being widowed. He has friends but has always been a talker and misses having a partner to chat to ( pretty much constantly in his case). 🤣

He doesn’t like me doing things while he’s talking though, he’s got sharp ears and realizes if I’m trying to do chores. I can only get away with making a cup of tea (as he often does while talking!) and quiet activities like checking emails and online shopping.__

My DM is deaf so I don't get phone calls just badly punctuated texts which take a while to understand.

My Dad's phone conversations are "Troys, do you want tomato plants?"
"No it's ok Dad I've got some thanks, anyway how are you? "
"Fine ta" and he hangs up.

If I send him a text asking if he wants any plants or seeds for example he texts back immediately either yes or no and that's it, no x either!

Are you my sibling @lightlypoached ?

My people 😬

Hurrah !

But. For this of us who are mums we must face the idea that in a few short years that it may be us doing this 😂

My mum has got like this too, my patience has reduced I can no longer cope so well with it. Last week she called whilst I was at work to ask something semi urgent which was fine, but then started to try to talk to me about unimportant stuff she had already repeatedly told me. Took me a while to get her to go with repeated "I am busy at work I have to go".

These days I am treated to life stories of her carers. Thank heavens for them, as it takes a lot of pressure off me.

Think the crowning moment was proceeding to read a 2 sided A4 Christmas round robin letter that she had already read to me the previous week.

Mum: did I tell you that your brother did xxxx / Margaret's son did xxx / your Uncle Roger xxxx
Me: yep, you told me last week
Mum: well what happened was....
Me: I know you told me last week
Mum: determinedly continues with story
Me: Mum! Stop! I know, you told me all about it last Sunday
Mum: (huffs) well SORRY for being so boring!!

Think the crowning moment was proceeding to read a 2 sided A4 Christmas round robin letter that she had already read to me the previous week.

@Pericombobulations My Dad’s done similar! I don’t think he’s read the same one to me twice yet, but there’s always next Christmas. 😂

My stepmother. E.g.

We saw the builder who did our patio in Tesco. It was last Monday. Oh! Was it Monday? No, Tuesday. Yes it was Tuesday. No it can't have been because we didn't go into town on Tuesday. I could've sworn it was Monday.
ALAN! ALAN! What day did we go to Tesco?
.....
NO IT WASN'T!!!!!
Anyway it must have been Monday. Oh hang on was it though because

Etc etc etc

I know this drives us all nuts but,

Oh bless we love them, and
It makes me laugh to hear all of your stories. They are identikit, and
Oh bless we love their irritating, repetitive, minutiae-filled, irrelevant monologues.

And we will miss them when they are gone.

But for now, please keep sharing your examples because they are funny and heartwarming and lovely, and just a teensy bit bonkers.