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Original poster

can't stop thinking about awful parents at park

104 replies

cantsleep6thjune2023 · 06/06/2023 00:54

I'm so ashamed of myself for doing or saying nothing today. I honestly thought i would've had the guts but clearly not.

Me and my 3 dc were sitting on a park bench today ( early for appointment) when s couple and a baby around 12 ish months sat on the opposite bench.

Both of them started drinking cider ? and the baby started to cry. Dad told baby she was a little bitch and if it wasn't for them fighting she would be in care.
Mum then told him not to give the stupid fucking bitch any attention.

The calmness and ease was disturbing and i can only imagine what happens between close doors

How i wish i said something 😪

OP posts:
Thesharkradar · 06/06/2023 13:14

what you describe is very disturbing, had you said anything to the parents they would have likely punished the baby for it when they got home- they would have seen her as having deliberately shown them up in public.
I don't know what the answer is 😔

Thesharkradar · 06/06/2023 13:20

greenspaceplace · 06/06/2023 10:37

Maybe a nice comment
'oh wow thats a lovely dress'
'What a pretty daughter'
'oh you know my youngest used to cry like that it's hard isn't it?'
'How old is she, my xxx wasn't talking that well until way older'

I saw someone do this in a supermarket before, the parents were a bit rough looking and obviously pissed off with the kids but after a compliment on their children they softened and walked away nicer. I always do it now and it almost always works to lift their mood.

Saying something derogatory or negative will only end badly for the child. a compliment about the child will help.

it's happened to me a couple of times, the kids are crying (I'm not abusing them but am a bit annoyed and tired) some people tut and mae your mood worse, some people chat about how everyone's kids cry on the bus don't worry. it does lift your mood.

I agree with this and I think this kind of approach would be the best way to interact with parents such as are described by the op

RedRosette2023 · 06/06/2023 13:22

TheUnsettling · 06/06/2023 10:21

I’m really surprised at some of the responses on here. People can hope the child is okay but the child is not okay, in the least it is being mentally abused. You need to report this with their descriptions to police and SS. People will say ‘what do you expect to happen?’ but if they are already known then it may just flag extra support.

So many cases of seriously abused children are ignored until it’s too late, with too many people saying ‘well I couldn’t have done anything’.

That poor child doesn’t stand a chance. I can’t comprehend how some children just don’t experience love and kindness.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Antenatal & postnatal Families General health
RedRosette2023 · 06/06/2023 13:26

LindyLou2020 · 06/06/2023 11:25

I was a social worker in the 70's and 80's. Since then, I have continued to follow and take an interest in child abuse/neglect cases in the media.
I am maybe looking back with rose-tinted glasses, and mistakes were undoubtedly made in those days too, no question. I was certainly no expert.
But it does seem to me that some of the situations described on this thread by PPs, involving the Police and/or Social Services, would have been investigated or dealt with far more robustly then than they are now.
My theory, and I have no proof of this, is that the bar as to when a child is considered to be at risk of abuse/neglect, or is being abused/neglected, has been set higher than it was during my time as a social worker.
This maybe because people are more aware of their rights and can hinder or refuse police/social services involement, or society's standards of parenting have fallen.
Or.........is it due to finances? Local Authorities and the Police have experienced budget cuts. There are many unfilled social worker vacancies.
I can't help thinking that children are being left in danger because of insufficient resources in the agencies who should be involved.

It’s finances. They have nowhere to put the children if they remove them. My friend is a paediatric nurse and often social workers will being children with minor injuries (like cigarette burns) and leave them in hospital care whilst trying to find foster care. I’ve known a social worker sleep in a school hall with children who needed foster care.

The finances they do have are totally mismanaged. It’s an absolute shambles and an embarrassment in a developed country.

RedRosette2023 · 06/06/2023 13:27

flabbergastedandfumbletooted · 06/06/2023 09:09

Im not sure if this will make you feel better or worse but here goes:

About 5 years ago I was coming out of a supermarket with a co worker and saw a woman punch her small child in the head. not hit, not slap - punched. The child was small enough to be sat in the seat of the trolley and be rocked back almost out of the seat by the blow - the poor child didn't cry out or wail at the blow (which upset me even more) .

We both gasped in shock and the woman clocked me taking note of her car registration. She came over screaming and yelling. I was on the phone to the police (locked in my car) while she was screaming banging on the window and yelling for us to come out so she could fuck my ass up. The call centre confirmed there was a major incident locally so they couldn't send anyone out.

So we just sat there until she went back to her child threw them in the car and drove off like a maniac.

I was called by the police the following day and 'they had done a safety check and all was fine' I complained hard that wasn't enough and that i had a witness to the significant blow that was done to the child. I was told as we worked together it was not 'independent'. I chased the following day to be told that they would not be taking it any further and I was to stop calling as I was making a nuisance of myself - which is an offence in its own right.

I am still livid and think about that poor child every time I go into that particular supermarket (which thankfully is very rare)

That’s heartbreaking.

LindyLou2020 · 06/06/2023 13:37

@RedRosette2023
Thank you for confirming what I suspected, although it doesn’t give me any pleasure at all to say that, IYSWIM.

GreenIsle · 06/06/2023 13:42

Hi op I'm a social worker and we have had referrals similar to this in which the bystander has contacted the psni immediately and forwarded the location and info. On some occasions they have been able to take a sneaky picture and provide this.

I wish you had have done that.

GreenIsle · 06/06/2023 13:42

Sorry not psni I mean the Police.

RedRosette2023 · 06/06/2023 13:47

My DH tried to report concerns for a child and he was asked if the child was in immediate danger, how could he confirm that? The child wasn’t in his care. He was told if there’s an immediate danger call the police and if not don’t bother calling so SIL services - what’s the point of them answering the phone?

DeffoChangingName · 06/06/2023 13:48

I think I would have pretended I was taking a selfie and filmed them - though I’m not sure if you are allowed to do that.

LindyLou2020 · 06/06/2023 13:49

@MollyRover
It seems like you feel I was providing excuses for social workers, police, etc for not doing their job regarding abused/neglected children.
I wasn’t.
I was trying to suggest reasons, if those professionals aren’t doing their job, as to why that may be.

HauntedPencil · 06/06/2023 13:51

It's horrible but what can you do? One comment from you won't change them. They will be under a social worker. I bet that was an awful thing to witness

Joeylove88 · 06/06/2023 14:12

That's heartbreaking I can't imagine how hard it must have been to sit there and witness that and not be able to do anything. Like others said I can imagine that confrontation would be useless and the baby would suffer as a consequence. The only thing I can think of in situations like that is taking a video of what's happening on the sly to get their faces and what they are saying recorded as evidence. Following them and reporting is another potential option but you have to stay safe and keep your DC safe also. So bloody hard 😫

MollyRover · 06/06/2023 14:21

@LindyLou2020 not you specifically but the professionals themselves. The phrase "lessons will be learned" is trotted out far too often in these cases. Not examining children who are part of the caseload of ss because their parents are perpetrators of dv is totally unbelievable, what do ss have to learn in order to realize that that's not best practice??

AveryCautionaryTale · 06/06/2023 14:29

You can still do something - call SS give a description and the location where you saw them - it may be enough

gogohmm · 06/06/2023 14:32

If you are certain they were talking about the baby, then it's worth reporting what you saw to social services, they may not know who they are but they do log reports and sometimes it can be pieced together with other information

VDisappointing · 06/06/2023 14:39

If it was me I would return same time tomorrow and see if they are there and take a photo from afar and report. if they are there tomorrow they'll likely be there another day for police or similar to visit.

HauntedPencil · 06/06/2023 14:40

As Pp Are saying it might be worth ringing on the off chance with a time location and description as you'll feel better having at least logged it

SallyWD · 06/06/2023 14:47

I saw something similar but actually much worse several years ago. It still haunts me and I often think of the little girl who must be about 6 or 7 now. Her life must be absolutely wretched and it breaks my heart.
I also feel tremendous guilt but realistically how could we change a child's situation? I often think "What could I have done?". I didn't know the names or address of these people so I couldn't have reported them to social services. I suppose I could have called the police but the people were gone long before the police would have arrived. What would the police have done anyway? Told them not to be such nasty bastards? What difference would it have made? I could have spoken to the awful mother I saw but I don't think for one second it would have changed how abusive she is. Maybe she'd have gone home and taken it out on the child.
I can't think of anything more heartbreaking and difficult than helpless children living lives of misery and neglect with abusive parents.

llamallama6384 · 06/06/2023 14:50

My friend once intervened in a similar situation. She got quite badly physically attacked by the mum.

Realistically saying something isn't going to change their parenting, or lack thereof.

Poor baby.

TheUnsettling · 06/06/2023 14:51

SallyWD · 06/06/2023 14:47

I saw something similar but actually much worse several years ago. It still haunts me and I often think of the little girl who must be about 6 or 7 now. Her life must be absolutely wretched and it breaks my heart.
I also feel tremendous guilt but realistically how could we change a child's situation? I often think "What could I have done?". I didn't know the names or address of these people so I couldn't have reported them to social services. I suppose I could have called the police but the people were gone long before the police would have arrived. What would the police have done anyway? Told them not to be such nasty bastards? What difference would it have made? I could have spoken to the awful mother I saw but I don't think for one second it would have changed how abusive she is. Maybe she'd have gone home and taken it out on the child.
I can't think of anything more heartbreaking and difficult than helpless children living lives of misery and neglect with abusive parents.

Again, you don’t need their names or addresses to report them. As has been repeated often here, you can report using descriptions and the information you have. Especially in this case as OP said the man had a distinctive tattoo on his hand.

The trope ‘nothing would happen anyway’ has got to go. As the witness, it should always be reported. What happens after that is up to the person who receives the report.

But as I said earlier, coming from experience, please report. Even if you have very little information. That tiny report could prevent a bigger incident.
Too often people say they saw/heard something they thought was off but didn’t report, then lo and behold something horrific happens. Please always report, even ifyou have little to go on. You could save a life.

SallyWD · 06/06/2023 14:51

GreenIsle · 06/06/2023 13:42

Hi op I'm a social worker and we have had referrals similar to this in which the bystander has contacted the psni immediately and forwarded the location and info. On some occasions they have been able to take a sneaky picture and provide this.

I wish you had have done that.

This is a good idea. I wouldn't have thought of that.

2bazookas · 06/06/2023 14:57

Don't become a teacher or social worker. You'll see stuff you never forget.

LaMaG · 06/06/2023 14:57

SallyWD · 06/06/2023 14:47

I saw something similar but actually much worse several years ago. It still haunts me and I often think of the little girl who must be about 6 or 7 now. Her life must be absolutely wretched and it breaks my heart.
I also feel tremendous guilt but realistically how could we change a child's situation? I often think "What could I have done?". I didn't know the names or address of these people so I couldn't have reported them to social services. I suppose I could have called the police but the people were gone long before the police would have arrived. What would the police have done anyway? Told them not to be such nasty bastards? What difference would it have made? I could have spoken to the awful mother I saw but I don't think for one second it would have changed how abusive she is. Maybe she'd have gone home and taken it out on the child.
I can't think of anything more heartbreaking and difficult than helpless children living lives of misery and neglect with abusive parents.

And that little girl could be the mum in the park now... saddest thing is the cycle goes on and that couple may feel that their child is well looked after relative to their own upbringing. Maybe she is clean and well fed and they have never laid a finger on her so in their eyes they are doing a great job. People who don't experience love don't know how to show it. It's just so tragic. Sorry for your upset OP

SummerDawn2000 · 06/06/2023 15:13

@greenspaceplace lovely advice. The couple could have just been having a really really shit day/week/month. No parent is perfect. But these parents were abusive sounds like. Baby could have kept them up all week basically. Some cry more some less.

saying to the parents how beautiful their baby was could of helped. It’s so sad and unfair. So many children could be saved if their was adequate support and community for parents.

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