can't stop thinking about awful parents at park

[cantsleep6thjune2023]

I'm so ashamed of myself for doing or saying nothing today. I honestly thought i would've had the guts but clearly not.

Me and my 3 dc were sitting on a park bench today ( early for appointment) when s couple and a baby around 12 ish months sat on the opposite bench.

Both of them started drinking cider ? and the baby started to cry. Dad told baby she was a little bitch and if it wasn't for them fighting she would be in care.
Mum then told him not to give the stupid fucking bitch any attention.

The calmness and ease was disturbing and i can only imagine what happens between close doors

How i wish i said something 😪

Agree with you.

Doing nothing is condoning the behaviour.

I have wondered if i should mention it to the hv( she's coming on Friday) As they will be involved especially with child protection. Our hv is part of a large team covering a large area so there is every chance there hv is part of the same team.

Even if they dont engage with them surely they will know of them as social workers had to be involved if they had to fight.

Dad has quite a unusual tattoo on his hand.

It's definitely worth mentioning.
If she doesn't know them someone else might.

Please do mention it. I would put it in writing too (including a description of the couple)and share with relevant authority. You never know. That poor little baby. I wouldn’t be able to let this go (but probably also wouldn’t have said anything).

It’s illegal in Scotland. Maybe in Wales? England should really follow suit.

UK is not alone it seems.

I was a social worker in the 70's and 80's. Since then, I have continued to follow and take an interest in child abuse/neglect cases in the media.
I am maybe looking back with rose-tinted glasses, and mistakes were undoubtedly made in those days too, no question. I was certainly no expert.
But it does seem to me that some of the situations described on this thread by PPs, involving the Police and/or Social Services, would have been investigated or dealt with far more robustly then than they are now.
My theory, and I have no proof of this, is that the bar as to when a child is considered to be at risk of abuse/neglect, or is being abused/neglected, has been set higher than it was during my time as a social worker.
This maybe because people are more aware of their rights and can hinder or refuse police/social services involement, or society's standards of parenting have fallen.
Or.........is it due to finances? Local Authorities and the Police have experienced budget cuts. There are many unfilled social worker vacancies.
I can't help thinking that children are being left in danger because of insufficient resources in the agencies who should be involved.

If he has a distinctive tattoo on his head the police may well be aware of him.

Call them. What's the worst that will happen.

I have no doubt this forms part of a much bigger picture that professionals are aware of.

Could have called the non emergency police number and asked if anyone was in the area to check on them then atleast you done something and if police where in area they could report to ss.

Resources are one thing but if people won't do their jobs it doesn't matter how many resources there are or not. Baby Peter and Baby Teddie had both been at the doctor's to be examined and neither were examined. These parents in the park drinking cider aren't even afraid of being seen after going through a situation of their baby being removed from them for their behaviour, wouldn't even think that maybe they should take their cider drinking and child abusing indoors. They fear nothing because it's been proven to them that nothing will happen.

I used to live next door to a woman who’d hit her child so hard I could hear it through the walls. She’d scream and shout at him, and put him in the under stairs cupboard. It would make me and my children cry.

I reported it to social services and the police time and time again, but the police did nothing. She went on to have 6 more children, then she moved in with her parents. One day I saw her mother in town smacking one of the children repeatedly around the head. Social services couldn’t give a toss about that either.

Every time I hear of a child who has been failed by SS I wonder how many times they’ve ignored reports. I know they’re stretched, but there’s being stretched and there’s being negligent.

That's a good idea @cantsleep6thjune2023 , put it in writing to her too

@Blabberbox I know I’m being really pedantic and it’s a bit off topic but it IS illegal in Scotland. Please stop using UK as shorthand for England!

Echoing others: realistically saying something would have endangered you or your children, and inevitably led to more abuse of the baby (“look what you made us do”).

Tell your HV though and report it to the non-emergency police line. You’ll never know the outcome. But god knows they’re more than likely known to the system anyway.

People need to stop dismissing or minimising abuse towards babies and children, or speculating about what “would have” happened.

There are multiple easy ways to report these bastards - just do it now, FGS.

Fair enough, not pedantic at all - sorry!

Hi OP, you did the right thing not getting involved at the time. Please report your observations to your local authority multi-agency safeguarding hub (MASH) team. You will find an online reporting form or a phone number on the website for your local authority (County or Unitary, not district council). This couple may already be known to them. Never assume that someone else will report a concern and take action.

Hey OP. I’m so sorry you saw this. How awful. It would have certainly stayed with me too, as this post will.

But please try not to beat yourself up about not saying anything. (I no longer speak up when I should either, after being followed and threatened with violence by a man the last time I did). If you had said something, you might have made them even angrier possibly too which they might have taken out on her. They sound monstrous so God knows how they’d react - I’m not convinced it would have given them food for thought to reflect on their treatment of their daughter, by the sounds of it - given they had no shame in speaking about her like this in public in the first place.

BUT I’d definitely try to look out for them again so I could report them to SS somehow… Hopefully they will see them for what they are very soon and the poor little thing will be safe from them.

Yes, do this OP!

This.

You may not achieve anything by reporting it but you certainly won't achieve anything by not reporting it.

Oh how vile, OP, that must have been awful to witness never mind being the poor child experiencing it I don't think you should be beating yourself up about not saying anything in the moment - I don't think it would have achieved anything. But definitely report it to whoever will listen!

I've got form for wading in and confronting people who were being arseholes in public etc and I always thought I was on the right side of the moral case - however after doing some safeguarding training as part of St John's Ambulance I learned that piling in and intervening can in some cases make things worse for the person you're trying to protect. The correct way to do things is to refer to person in charge/authorities and let them intervene. So definitely report as best you can with the information you have and keep an eye open but don't beat yourself up about not saying anything - it could have made things worse.

That’s a good idea. In that moment you also had to protect your children, and you did the right thing to walk away. You can help the little girl now by reporting to HV, and local police, and hopefully the description will enable them to find the parents and protect the baby.

I would definitely mention it to the HV. She may well be aware of a bigger picture. Awful to witness though, but to be honest, if you’d have said something they would probably have shouted / hurt you and made life hard for the baby. So sad.

My mum once witnessed a dad being verbally abusive to his son in a park. She reported it to the police who managed to pick him up and he was charged for being drunk in charge of a minor (or something similar to that). It was a few years ago so I don't know if the response was because they had more resources or it just happened to be a quiet day. If I saw similar I would always report, even if I didn't know their names - children rely on adults to speak out for them.