Woken up by various family members tonight - how to deal with it

[SingaporeSting]

DH was snoring a lot. We go to bed in separate rooms 90% of the time, but I think this is actually dreadful for our relationship to be that out of sync and quite frankly it makes us like lodgers. So he was in our bed last night. And snored like a rhino.

DD(11) usually sleeps with her black-outs a little open to let natural daylight in in the morning to help with getting up. Sleepovers this weekend meant she was shattered so needed an early night before a busy week at school. So I insisted on her going to bed early (ok) blackouts being totally closed so that she wasn’t awake til 10pm due to summer light evenings (moaning and mild protesting - i say black, she says white kind of typical tween shit). She gets up at 4:15am and tells me she’s concerned it’ll be too dark to wake up (despite her having an alarm and both DH and I will be up getting ready for work so can wake her). I was so angry she came in to “discuss” this at four in the fucking morning (we are 1hr ahead living in Europe btw).

20 mins later, because the sun is starting to rise, the cat is strolling round the house meowing. Then jumps on my pillow. I push him off. He jumps back on. Push him off, he comes and sits on my head. He’s finally got the idea and got off but is making a mischief of himself - annoying our other cat, scratching things loudly, finding shit to kick out needlessly.

I’m 2st heavier than I want to be so was aiming to start the week with a 10 day detox thing, including an earlier start to get up and walk or exercise or something vaguely positive and active. Holiday is looming and I’m cross over not done something sooner but really felt psyched up to get on it from today.

My nose will not stop running/itching as I seem to have developed hayfever for the first time in my life ever.

I could actually feel my blood pressure increasing at each of these events. I’m prob peri and since having the DC tbh my sleep has been precarious.

Now I’ve got that hollow confused tummy feeling, my eyes feel scratchy where they’ve not been closed enough. I feel shattered, and fucking fucked off now.

What I want to do is get them all (family) off to school and work and go back to bed. But I work full time in a senior stressful job and am facilitating something today and am due out for a work dinner tonight.

My (narc) DM would handle this but stomping around the house making everyone know she was pissed off and berating those whose “fault” it was. I’m fucking livid at DH, DD and the cat but know that I cannot, repeat cannot, relay this on to them for fear of just being a clone of my mother.

So hear I am ranting at 5:50am on a Monday morning. Well done if you managed to read to the end. I’d like to say “rant over” but feel like it’s only just started tbh.

I will join in solidarity.

I went to bed early as also under the weather. Dh woke me at 11pm as ‘ he had lost iPhone headphone in bed whilst listening to audible and falling asleep’.

Ds (age 3) woke at 12am as lost his toy animal, woke at 1am coughing, 1.30am coughing, came into our bed at 3am. 3-6am he’s been sitting bolt upright confused and coughing ( so it’s not his fault, he’s ill)

Cat came in also. Jumped on said sleeping child so I removed cat. Then cat flicked wardrobe door for 5 mins to try and get inside. Failed. Cat now on floor snoozing.

So it’s 6.15am here. I think I have slept max 30 min slots. Still feel unwell. Have 101 things scheduled for today, Ds supposed to be in nursery from 7.30am, but he’s too ill to go. So il probably spend the day trying to work a bit whilst Ds wants attention and then have double to do Tuesday

Im going to make Tea, sit outside in the warm, and try and ignore all the non sleepers. I hope you get some breathing space also

Fist bump to you too @Caspianberg. Hope your DS is better asap, and you too of course. What is it with these cats? I wonder if the moon cycles have anything to do with it. I think it was a full or nearly full moon.

I’ve been laying here doom scrolling and thinking about how to manage the day. I’m going to get out for a walk in a mo before DD needs to get up. I will try not to lose my shit and be as sweet and light (basically opposite of how my DM would’ve been) before everyone else goes to work/school, then I’m going to work from home instead of going to the office as I can facilitate online. I will blow out the work dinner, which is a bit shit but honestly I think I’ll be a total zombie by then and it’s a social thing rather than anything professional or compulsory.

With any luck I can get in bed around 9pm and am going to shut my door and tell them all to leave me in peace until the morning.

Roll on bedtime.

Go back to sleeping separately from your DH, being tired and cranky is far worse than having separate bedrooms. My DH and I haven't shared a bedroom for years and our relationship is fine. We sleep well and are rested.

I’m with you @SingaporeSting. There’s nothing quite like the gnawing resentment I feel towards my family when they take sleep away from me!

Last night wasn’t too bad for me - only one wake up at 1am when the 4yo fell out of bed, but then the 2yo woke up, bright and early, at 5am. And the cats decided to play with a tinkly bell at 5.20am, when I was still trying to ignore the 2yo’s cooing.

Working from home sounds wise. Can you squeeze in a power nap at some point? Otherwise, push through, and get an early night with ear plugs (after locking cat downstairs) and with a firm, non pass agg statement to the rest of them that you’d appreciate not being disturbed tonight.

Sleeping separately is the way forward especially when he snores; dh and I don’t share a bed, we’re very close and happily married- not like lodgers at all! Just both sleep well

Dog woke me at 2.30 for some unknown reason and I could get back to sleep. I’m fucking knackered now. Happy Monday and solidarity all.

Couldn’t!

I will join in.
6yo would sleep til 10pm as over wired from the holidays. Went to bed at 10.30 and then a massive house party started up opposite.
Woke at midnight by DH coming to bed after his shift.
Woke at 2.30 by 2yo who has a uti and is being treated, but obvs uncomfortable, so changed her nappy and resettled.
Woke at 3.30 with DH snorting.
2yo woke coughing at 5.30 (seems to have a phlegmy chest too!) and is now up for the day.
Luckily I don't have a huge day at work but I have to get quite a lot done and on top of that now need to assess if Dd is ok for nursery (she was fine yesterday...)

@YukoandHiro - solidarity to coughing. My Ds seemed fine all day yesterday also. Like you, ideally he would be in nursery today, but he’s still asleep when he’s usually awake by now, I don’t want to wake if he is ill. He only goes until 11am also, so if it’s too late then there’s not much point. He’s obviously slept badly also.

Cats are stupid . Mine likes to sometimes scratch at open cat flap in the middle of the night too like they have forgotten how it works. Makes a racket, then they just walk straight out if you go down to see what’s going on.

Op, can you fit in a short walk before work to wake you up a bit and clear mind. Then maybe talk to everyone this evening when it’s not so fresh about how being woken up so often impacts you

There’s something in between a narcissistic rage and being sweetness and light. Your 14 year old should absolutely know that it’s not acceptable to wake you at 4am and you should be able to express your displeasure to her. You’re not everyone else’s service human. Also sharing with a snorer and lying there plotting his demise (which is a natural response to snoring) will be worse for your marriage than separate rooms.

Hmm well I didn’t get out for a walk and sweetness and light went out the window when DH and DD started their respective moaning - DH with the AUDACITY that he didn’t sleep well, and DD complaining she can’t find a certain item of clothing and wants to NOW at 7am, 20 mins before she needs to leave for school, try on everything in the online shopping order that arrived on Saturday which she wouldn’t try on over the weekend. I have had to use That Voice (you know the firm one that is a level down from shouting)

So 3 out of 4 of us are starting our weeks in a vile mood.

Other DC has slept soundly throughout.

Ugh. And now I’m upset with myself for handling it all badly.

I've been woken at various times of the night by my dd11 who is anxious about going back to school today. Our gorgeous cat has also decided to start waking me up at 5 in the morning by biting me for his breakfast!! Must be the lighter mornings he's not usually like this. The alarm has just gone off and I feel shattered, I'm very susceptible to migraines if I don't get enough sleep, joy !!

You didn't handle it badly, they're all old enough to know better.

My 3 yo was up from 1_3am. I'm knackered too.

This is what I struggle with, knowing what is the right way to handle something. My own experience was that if DM was in a bad mood, we’d all know about and have to walk on eggshells.

I fear I’ve just done the exact same.

I feel your pain and I don’t think you handled it badly. Apart from the cat, they’re all old enough to know better

We’ve had a busy weekend and I was knackered so I went to bed early last night. DH came to bed at 11pm - turned all the bloody lights on, stomped around, dropped a pocket full of loose change on the tiled bathroom floor. Then my bloody neighbour decided to put his wheelie bin out at sodding half midnight.

The cat then appeared at 3am, followed by the dog deciding it was time to get up at 5:45am so I’m up watching Countdown, mainlining coffee and sulking while everyone else, including the bloody dog who has fucked off back to bed, is still in the land of nod.

My eyes are scratchy, I’m annoyed and dreading a day at work.

I’m terrible at sleeping these days, a squirrel only has to fart in the next street and I’m awake, then it takes me ages and ages to fall back asleep

@SingaporeSting letting your tween dd know that she was totally out of order waking you up and reminding her that it's her own silly fault if she didn't try the clothes on does not make you narc. Stop being a doormat to your family, they do need to know when they've upset you so they can learn not to do it again. I think being a narc would be more like bringing it up every week for the next ten years.

Solidarity.

Between four year old and five month old I don't think I slept for more than an hour the past five months last night.

I'm just glad we don't have a cat.

I think it's lovely your DD is happy to come to you with anxieties at 4am, it shows a loving comfortable relationship. It's the 2st target weight loss for a holiday that sounds like the most miserable aspect of all of this. There's no way I'd be angry at family here.

"anxieties" - sorry but no way would I get the warm fuzzies about a secondary aged child waking me up to dither about fuck all at 4am! Perhaps if it had been a genuine crisis I would be a bit more sympathetic but that was hardly an "anxiety" it was just a kid wanting to drag out a minor dispute from the day before

Sleep in peace in a separate place from your DH. I do! The resentment and anger from being persistently kept awake all night due to snoring was more damaging our relationship than anything.
You handled your Dd just fine.

It was definitely that DD wanted to make a point from the day before rather than being genuinely worried.

To be clear I’m not angry at family because I need to lose weight. More that if psyched myself up to get in the right mental place to start to tackle it. Spent the weekend food planning, shopping, prepping etc and was looking forward to a good start to the week.

I'm joining in, before I start I'm thankful we don't have the cats anymore.
We are puffed out with the heat, DH falls asleep in 2 seconds, starts heavy breathing and snorting, and farting that stinks! Our elderly dog was pacing about from midnight to 3am, I moved her to our room to keep an eye on her and she decided she wanted beside me. Softy that I am, I let her. So it's a million degrees in bed, DH is spooning me, breathing, I'm spooning old crispy who's now also snoring and breathing old dog breath every time she smacks her lips.
I'm shattered, luckily I don't work. Dh is away to work at half 5 grumbling about bloody dogs and the heat 🤣

Stop putting yourself under pressure with this crash diet first of all, any wonder you're feeling miserable with that hanging over you. Just enjoy your life and your holiday, you are perfect as you are.

Embrace separate rooms! Do you feel like lodgers because you actually feel that way or because you feel like you should feel that way? DH and I sleep apart because of my snoring and I'll never go back to sharing a room with him or any other man should that situation arise, unless I really have to. I absolutely love having my own bed at night and my own space.

As for your daughter - well I don't know but she's really a little bit too old for you to be putting her to bed early and insisting she closes her curtains?! If you treat her like an 8 year old she's going to act like an 8 year old.

I am now very weepy. Feel guilty that DD has gone off with her tail between her legs, and that I’m still lying in bed dreaming of a spinster life instead of finding a way to turn this all around. The sight/sound of DH this morning is giving me pure rage.

I’m guessing this is also hormonal. I feel similar to when I was pregnant (I’m
not - see above re separate beds) - ie rage vs tears vs deep introspection vs irritation vs tiredness.

ugh ugh ugh

Do NOT feel guilty!

Letting people know that you are justifiably pissed off with them is different to them walking on egg shells. It really, really is. Don't make the mistake of avoiding being like your mother to such an extent that you're a doormat.

And sod trying to share a bed with your DH. He quite possibly did have poorer sleep, btw, if he's become used to not sharing the bed, which could have made him noisier.