Woken up by various family members tonight - how to deal with it

[SingaporeSting]

DH was snoring a lot. We go to bed in separate rooms 90% of the time, but I think this is actually dreadful for our relationship to be that out of sync and quite frankly it makes us like lodgers. So he was in our bed last night. And snored like a rhino.

DD(11) usually sleeps with her black-outs a little open to let natural daylight in in the morning to help with getting up. Sleepovers this weekend meant she was shattered so needed an early night before a busy week at school. So I insisted on her going to bed early (ok) blackouts being totally closed so that she wasn’t awake til 10pm due to summer light evenings (moaning and mild protesting - i say black, she says white kind of typical tween shit). She gets up at 4:15am and tells me she’s concerned it’ll be too dark to wake up (despite her having an alarm and both DH and I will be up getting ready for work so can wake her). I was so angry she came in to “discuss” this at four in the fucking morning (we are 1hr ahead living in Europe btw).

20 mins later, because the sun is starting to rise, the cat is strolling round the house meowing. Then jumps on my pillow. I push him off. He jumps back on. Push him off, he comes and sits on my head. He’s finally got the idea and got off but is making a mischief of himself - annoying our other cat, scratching things loudly, finding shit to kick out needlessly.

I’m 2st heavier than I want to be so was aiming to start the week with a 10 day detox thing, including an earlier start to get up and walk or exercise or something vaguely positive and active. Holiday is looming and I’m cross over not done something sooner but really felt psyched up to get on it from today.

My nose will not stop running/itching as I seem to have developed hayfever for the first time in my life ever.

I could actually feel my blood pressure increasing at each of these events. I’m prob peri and since having the DC tbh my sleep has been precarious.

Now I’ve got that hollow confused tummy feeling, my eyes feel scratchy where they’ve not been closed enough. I feel shattered, and fucking fucked off now.

What I want to do is get them all (family) off to school and work and go back to bed. But I work full time in a senior stressful job and am facilitating something today and am due out for a work dinner tonight.

My (narc) DM would handle this but stomping around the house making everyone know she was pissed off and berating those whose “fault” it was. I’m fucking livid at DH, DD and the cat but know that I cannot, repeat cannot, relay this on to them for fear of just being a clone of my mother.

So hear I am ranting at 5:50am on a Monday morning. Well done if you managed to read to the end. I’d like to say “rant over” but feel like it’s only just started tbh.

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Eh???? So op should change ger important day because of selfish family members? Jeezo.

Op, I could almost have written your post. Trying to hold myself together while dealing with issues with my mum, older son and snoring husband is literally nearly killing me.

Life is cruel, I went through all the broken nights of babies, children, snoring husbands, of young and middle aged adulthood. Then widowed so got a puppy for company, he is now settled at night and I started to enjoy the compensation of retirement, luxurious uninterrupted nights, only to find that my own bladder will now wake me at least once before 5am and in summer the dog doesn't sleep past 6.30am!

Husband can’t help snoring.

12 year old was anxious because her routine was disturbed so she woke and needed reassurance.

The cat is a cat.

I honestly do not see any of these behaviours as selfish they can all be explained rationally.

The OP brought narcissism into the conversation and imo she comes across as a very sophisticated narcissist herself. I’m not criticising her just making an observation on how she comes across to me when I read her posts.

I think you need to chill out a but OP, it was a bad night but not the end of the world (from someone who also had a bad night courtesy of suffocating from severe hayfever).

Sleep in a separate bed to DH, wear ear plugs if needs be, tell DD if she ever comes in your room like that again for anything short of an emergency there will be consequences, shut the cat downstairs and get an early night.

I hate rough nights, usually find the day after I'm okay and power through as I would do usually, but the day after the day after I am hanging and can barely form sentences even if I slept okay. Weird.

Firstly, breathe….. You are carrying a huge load- including stuff that should have been carried by your mum. It’s virtually useless telling you to let that go (I know from experience… mine’s been dead for years and I still have her voice in my head.) Fourteen is an especially challenging time for mother/daughter relationships as well. My DD’s are now 16 & 18. I had actual menopause happening along with that. What a fabulous design that was, said nobody ever. (Still going but HRT has saved everyone’s lives.) You have been taught to forgive everyone’s mistakes and weaknesses but your own. You need to start to speak to yourself as though you were one of your friends - some real, championing, supportive self-talk. Start to be your own cheerleader before you start believing your mum (or your teenager). You’ve got this!

If it were that easy we’d all be Gwyneth Paltrow. Lack of sleep disrupts your hormones, increasing your appetite, reducing your “I feel full” factor, makes decision making difficult, makes everything more difficult. Insomnia and weight gain are closely linked. If OP were already in healthy eating habits and it were her natural regime to reach for hand-knitted muesli in the morning it would be easier, but it’s actually horrendously difficult to get a bad night’s sleep then embark on a new eating plan. It might be the “right” answer long-term but everything in her body will be overruling that “right” decision and making her crave coffee, sugar and stodgy carbs.

Feel your pain today. Was woken every hour or so last night by DP snoring, elbow in my back and his arm under my pillow. Not the best sleeper so took ages to drop back off to be woke an hour later.
Wouldnt mind but we have a King size. Pushing his pillow right over his side tonight as he insists on sleepin on the very edge of his pillow in middle of bed.

Healthy food consumed. And shared with DH as a peace offering.

It was more that I was hoping to get out for an early morning walk and start the day with fresh air and sunshine. I find it difficult to leave my desk at the best of times and resent the amount of time I sit down, indoors.

So yes I was in a total (what I think is called) funk this morning, though feeling not quite so grim now. I do feel physically tired as well as mentally, but will get out for some air at lunch. So onwards and upwards.

To the poster who says I’m a sophisticated narcissist, that actually is quite a strong statement and it’s one I worry about a lot. I will reflect on this. For sure I know my little strop this morning was not cool but as I said, everything feels worse when you’re tired and then DH and DD trying to suck more life out of me this morning just tipped me into a MN rant.

DD is 11 btw - and the transition from little kid to tween is a bit tricky I have to say. So I’m still getting used to that too.

Shut the cat in the utility room or similar overnight.

Sleep separately to your h.

He can be on the night shift with your unwell dc tonight. Good luck!

Sorry, I mixed up two posts there!

Have a word with your dd and make sure she knows how inconsiderate she was waking you at 4. Good luck with the detox!

Sleep in a sperate room to your husband.

Lock the cat in another room at night.

Kids will always wake you so nothing you can do there.

@SingaporeSting

Come on now. If you were any kind of narcissus would you be writing in the post worrying about it. No! As far as you would be concerned everything would be fine and you would consider yourself number one mum!

So ignore anyone that says otherwise. The fact that you are worried about how others feel about you does not seem like you are one! No expert but still.....

Sorry you had such a shit start

hayfever eyedrops will definitely help with the scratchy eyes

Despite sleeping on my own and having no pets I still have little sleep thanks to my bladder! I have to take a water tablet plus two other tablets noting to do with that but also affect my waterworks! So every couple of hours I am awake. Set alarm for 4.30 (early shift) but up at 4pm to go loo and noticed a load of magpies making a din. My friend told me this happens in her garden. They line up along the fence. I know birds are earlier waking up now but haven't noticed the magpies before.