I've put in a ton of detail, if anyone can be bothered, but first the thing that I'm asking about:
My DS is nearly 18, v mature for his years, has a lovely gf who was a good friend for a year, and now gf for more than 6 months. She's about 4 months younger than ds, but also 17.
They're both hard working (uni and jobs) and I'm impressed by how they have handled the couple of problems/ arguments they've had.
She was at a church young adults evening last week (she often goes). DS texted to see how her day had gone. She said she was wiped out, but at least another hour before her ride could take her home. Not far away, DS offered to pick her up and drop her home. She was very grateful. DS was back home in half an hour, by 10pm.
Apparently her dad was angry when she got home, about DS giving her a lift home and gave her the silent treatment for at least 3 days. Still not clear whether it was:
1 - she asked ds, not her dad
2 - that she left church thing early
3 - being out with her boyfriend when dad didn't know she was (for all of 10 minutes).
When she asked what was wrong, he said, (I kid you not) "you should know, and if you don't, that's part of the problem".
WTAF
I want to just quietly say to GF that if she needs anything, I'm here?
If it was any other woman, I'd just say it. I'm good at compartmentalising, and would not really see this as connected to DS, but of course it is.
TL:DR
I know her parents were talking about separating last year, but that didn't happen in the end, but clearly her mum and brother have to deal with this too.
Plenty of other examples, but this was directly about my ds, and I'd just been thinking how sweet it was that he had done that.
GF is already in her 2nd year at uni, despite her young age (DS in 1st year) works hard at that, has a job too, and is required to attend at least 2 church occasions a week. At least Sunday service and bible study during the week. And up to her if she wants to go to young adults evening too. that's actually something she enjoys as lots of old school friends there, and it's really a social club type thing.
DS commented early on that she always wanted to do something he suggests, and finds it very hard to say what she wants out loud. He told me because he was confused. Not used to women not having an opinion!
The other day, I was making dinner, and because she had brought over a cake she had decorated for their six months (!) I cooked with them in mind, and asked whether she liked my plan for dinner, and if there's anything she doesn't like. She kept looking to DS but eventually said it sounded great. I then mentioned I was going to include mushrooms, was that OK. She said yes. DS looked baffled and said "but you don't like mushrooms!". She agreed she didn't. To be clear, normally they just get a plate of something, or they cook for all of us. She usually has to be home by 8pm.
This is just background, but I suppose I'm worried about what she deals with on a daily basis. It's up to her and DS to deal with her constant acquiescence.
DS has said she really likes me, and cares what I think, which is great, I suspect she just hasn't seen a mum who treats her child as a young adult, and laughs, and isn't regimented. She knows however, that I'm in no way a "cool mum" and have a few non negotiable rules, expectations I suppose.
So far, the parents have always thought ds was a good thing. He spends time there (in the living room, as a family), and I can't see what he/ they did wrong?