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Original poster

Would you expect your partner to help clear the table if you were a SAHM?

70 replies

greenduckling · 02/06/2023 23:32

If you made dinner and set the table and your partner was working from home and still had to finish some work after dinner, would you expect them to put their plate in the sink or no?

OP posts:
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 02/06/2023 23:33

Yes

IcanandIwill · 02/06/2023 23:33

Yes!

Original poster
greenduckling · 02/06/2023 23:35

Okay, thank you x

OP posts:
Okshacky · 02/06/2023 23:35

Yeah but I wouldn’t really care if they didn’t.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 02/06/2023 23:36

Yes because they ate the meal so they help with clear up.

If they were really busy and had deadlines then it wouldn't be an issue and I'd completely understand and help out, but as a general rule yeah, you eat you help clear up.

FinallyHere · 02/06/2023 23:36

No, I'd expect to clear the table together and put the dishes straight into the dishwasher.

We work a 'don't put it down, put it away' policy.

GeraltsBathtub · 02/06/2023 23:37

Er, yes I expect everyone who lives in my home and has hands to take their plate out when they’re done with it. I’m not a maid!

Original poster
greenduckling · 02/06/2023 23:37

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 02/06/2023 23:36

Yes because they ate the meal so they help with clear up.

If they were really busy and had deadlines then it wouldn't be an issue and I'd completely understand and help out, but as a general rule yeah, you eat you help clear up.

Thank you, no deadline and they only had a few minutes left of work

OP posts:
Dinosauratemydaffodils · 02/06/2023 23:38

Everyone helps clear up after our evening meal. I am mostly a sahm.

Lallybroch · 02/06/2023 23:40

You are a SAHM not a skivvy

Original poster
greenduckling · 02/06/2023 23:42

Thank you, I told him to please pick it up and said he had work, and walked out

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 02/06/2023 23:42

I expect my 4 year old to take his plate to the kitchen, scrape it and put it next to the dishwasher. So yes I would expect an adult to tidy up after himself.
I've been off today with DC (half term) DH has been at work, I cooked dinner we all cleared out plates, DH set off the dishwasher and then put DS to bed. I did some laundry bits but he said why are you doing that you've had DS all day have a break. Your partner is an arse.

BelindaBears · 02/06/2023 23:42

I wouldn’t even notice tbh because we both muck in and don’t keep score over little jobs.

3girls1boy1puppy · 02/06/2023 23:44

I wouldn’t mind if it was occasional, they nipped back to work in a hurry and forgot, I’d do it for them without a second thought. If it happens every day, then no not acceptable - I’d wonder if those “last few mins if emails” were a deliberate lazy tactic of getting out of washing up.

Hearti · 02/06/2023 23:44

Yes of course. I’d be tempted to quietly leave his plate on the table for as long as it takes him to move it

Rainbowqueeen · 02/06/2023 23:45

Yes

continentallentil · 02/06/2023 23:45

Anyone should take their plate to the sink, it’s basic good manners like bringing mugs and glasses down from the bedroom.

He needs to be reminded you are his wife not a Victorian style servant.

GeraltsBathtub · 02/06/2023 23:45

greenduckling · 02/06/2023 23:42

Thank you, I told him to please pick it up and said he had work, and walked out

Did he have a meeting he was late for? Or could it have waited the 30 seconds it would have taken him to take the plate out?

Tiddlywinkly · 02/06/2023 23:46

I'd leave the plate on the table

raisingthebarbell · 02/06/2023 23:46

Too right I'm not a bloody housemaid. Regardless of who cooks dinner (usually me) DH & DC all pitch in and clear up until it's done. Most nights this is a full wipe down of surfaces and table, unstack & reload the dishwasher, pots and pans washed up and drying/floor sweep if needed - 4 of us takes 5 minutes vs 1 person 20 minutes.

LittleBumblebee3 · 02/06/2023 23:47

You’re a SAHM @greenduckling, not a servant!
The fact you asked and he refused us even worse! He sounds like a bit of a twat if im honest!

Original poster
greenduckling · 02/06/2023 23:47

GeraltsBathtub · 02/06/2023 23:45

Did he have a meeting he was late for? Or could it have waited the 30 seconds it would have taken him to take the plate out?

Show quote history

No no meeting, he just walked out, said "Got to get back to work" "can you please help me and put your plate in the sink?" "No, I've got work. Also, give the baby a shower"

OP posts:
LemonInaMug · 02/06/2023 23:48

I think it’s depends on what they are like generally. If this is the done thing then it’s irritating but if they normally clean up after themselves and it’s a one off then I don’t see an issue.

Unless you’ve had a really rough day and this has just sent you over the edge? Because I can see how it could.

Original poster
greenduckling · 02/06/2023 23:49

LemonInaMug · 02/06/2023 23:48

I think it’s depends on what they are like generally. If this is the done thing then it’s irritating but if they normally clean up after themselves and it’s a one off then I don’t see an issue.

Unless you’ve had a really rough day and this has just sent you over the edge? Because I can see how it could.

He used to help me but he's been doing it more and more lately.
I'm not angry just a bit miffed.

OP posts:
Catchasingmewithspiders · 02/06/2023 23:49

Your partner seems to have confused stay at home mother with domestic appliance

You aren't there to be his slave, you are at home to parent your child. It's lovely if you manage to get housework and cooking done in the daytime too, and depending on how old the child is and whether they are in school then there can be a level of expectation around what is achieved.

But you are not responsible for waiting on him hand and foot.

You might want to think about returning to work. His respect for you is low. Either going to work and him having to contribute to childcare fees (if applicable) might fix his attitude. Or otherwise you may find yourself in need of those wages.

Some will probably say I'm over reacting, it's just a plate. But it's not a plate its his contempt for you thats the real issue.

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