Would you expect your partner to help clear the table if you were a SAHM?

[greenduckling]

If you made dinner and set the table and your partner was working from home and still had to finish some work after dinner, would you expect them to put their plate in the sink or no?

So you’re irked and miffed? You need to be annoyed and pissed.

Give an inch he’ll take a foot.
Stop this misogynistic rot right now.

To me, home stuff is laundry. It's the bathrooms. It's hoovering and mopping. Dusting. Actual home chores.

Moving someone plate because they cannot be arsed isn't home stuff. That's being staff.

My DH might ask if I’d mind clearing away if his head was still in work mode, but there’s no way he’d just walk off.

One cooks the other cleans. Has always been thus

unless kids home then we’ve always rotated it since they’ve been at high school now uni.

we are a family and a team. Been the same from the start regardless of who’s doing paid work or not

onyl exceptions would be deadlines or urgent thinks

sounds like your oh is a twat

I think he has probably never lived on his own, OP says they lived with his parents, so probably he is used to a subservient ‘mother’ doing all the housework and waiting on the much more important men.

It depends, when I cook dinner, he clears the table, makes me a copy and do the washing up while I relax with my coffee. If he cooks dinner, I am the one doing the clearing up.

One thing he has to understand is that if your children are with you during the day, you both have jobs, his is at the office, yours is dealing with the kids and, unless you have incredibly well behaved kids, your job will be more intense than his (my days in the office were all peace and quiet compared to the unexpected chaos my 2 year old could cause and his endless demands for attention, help, play, accidents, etc.)

Now, if your kids are in school all day and you spend the whole day at the gym or doing your nails, then yes, clear up his plate.

You were the skivvy in his parents house, now you’re the skivvy in your own house.

This set up suits him fine.

He has no respect for you as a person in your own right.

I think this needs to be at the top of the MN page on a permanent basis.
My husband clears the whole kitchen after I've cooked. SAHM here too. He wouldn't dream of leaving his plate on the table and walking away.

I work part time and my dh works very long hours so I end up doing almost all the chores on a daily basis, or at least managing them.
I really don't mind doing this because dh and dc don't take me for granted. Dh will always make me tea or coffee. Often, he makes one for me in the morning.
He wouldn't leave his plate for me to pick up and will do chores and diy when he has time to do it.
It really is about attitude and respect for each other and our roles in the family setup, whatever that may be.

But what OP describes is in no way all mucking in together, really, is it?

If he didn't knock that on the head pretty quickly and indeed, muck in id he having done very serious words.

SAHP is not a skivvy.

I'm not angry just a bit miffed.

No need for you to ever get to the sundry stage ... so long as you nip this in the bud.

Do people really waste their time worrying about such trivial things 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anything that needed doing when DH was at work... I did
Anything when he wasn't a work... we split. So one would be doing bathtimes when one cleared up after dinner, or one would cook while the other was picking the kids up from an activity, or we would do homework with one each....

DH worked odd hours so he might have disappeared back to work while we were still eating on occasion (if the On Call phone had rung for example). But not just walking out.

I have been a sahm and sahw for a number of years . I do have a business so financially sound but I pretty much run our whole house to my schedule so when my DH is home from work he's in my territory 😉 . He clears his own plate / cups and anything he uses and washes up after dinner .
I run our home but I'm not his maid . I set my rules out from the very start .

That is so disrespectful. He had a little bit of work to do. He didn’t have his bloody arms amputated

I just arrange a, 'now really?' face if anyone looks like they are going to leave the table without taking their stuff to the dish washer and it gets done. That includes the 9yo.

Have a read of this, OP, and see if you start nodding in recognition of the husband's behaviour

https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

No and I didn’t say it was. I’m sure I’d keep track too if I was treated like a skivvy. But I wouldn’t allow myself to be treated like a skivvy - hence we both muck in together.

I'd never want anyone to put plates in the sink because that just makes more work but of course he should clear up after dinner that's been cooked for him.

I bet he's faffing around and hiding from domestic life rather than actually working.

No
SAH here
Unless ill, or really busy it's my job to do housework.

But our kids secondary now, I still have no reason to work. I have an amazing life, clearing a few plates is really fuck all.

I work hard.
He works hard.

Don't sweat the small stuff OP.