"Go on, have a dessert", after saying I didn't want one twice

WestHamAreMassive · 01/06/2023 21:41

yawn! You know you weren't!

QueSyrahSyrah · 01/06/2023 21:43

No you weren't. It annoys me too when people try to cajole me into dessert, usually to make themselves feel better about having one.

Thing is I don't really like cakes and puddings and especially not when I'm already full from the meal. I'm not 'resisting temptation' by any means I just genuinely don't want a dessert.

I hate birthday cake as I always feel obliged to eat it and I never want to 🤷🏻‍♀️

EamonsPalliativeCareTracksuit · 01/06/2023 21:43

Yes. Defo unreasonable. You should always eat things you don’t want to just to please other people.

🙄

GoodChat · 01/06/2023 21:44

No you're obviously not unreasonable.

WordtoYoMumma · 01/06/2023 21:48

I went for dinner with a friend once and said I didn't want dessert. I went to the toilet and when I came back she'd ordered me a cheesecake! And I felt obliged to eat it cos my friend paid for it (I know, I know)
I think people get caught up in their own weird guilt around food and just want others to make them feel better

speakout · 01/06/2023 21:50

This is my mother.
She loves chocolate and sweets, and will constantly try to make others eat when she fancies some- she will ask 5 or 6 times, despte my no thanks, and will leave chocolates on the arm of the chair.
She thinks I should " treat myself", and am in some kind of denial. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, I eat as much chocolate as I like- which isn't much.

Hillrunning · 01/06/2023 21:53

People hate to hear 'i don't want one' as it makes them feel inferior to you for wanting one.
Instead say something more like 'None of thoes choices appeal', I find that get far fewer protests.

mrsbyers · 01/06/2023 21:55

I sometimes have an affogato as a middle ground

Original poster

Myownself · 01/06/2023 21:55

Hillrunning · 01/06/2023 21:53

People hate to hear 'i don't want one' as it makes them feel inferior to you for wanting one.
Instead say something more like 'None of thoes choices appeal', I find that get far fewer protests.

I actually did say that, and then one suggested getting a bowl of ice cream as everyone likes ice cream!

OP posts:

Kendodd · 01/06/2023 21:58

Yanbu
People say the same shit if you don't want a drink.

Summer2424 · 01/06/2023 22:09

Hi @Myownself i'd be annoyed too. I don't like it when they keep saying go on have some, like just let me be, i'm good! 🙄

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 01/06/2023 22:11

Myownself · 01/06/2023 21:39

Out for dinner with family members, we had a main course each and they fancied a dessert. I said I'd just have a coffee. Both of them started on at me to have one. I'm nearly 50 and know I didn't want one!

For context, I've a healthier diet now than I used to and lost 4 stone some years back. I still love my food, never skip meals, and there's nothing I don't like. However, desserts don't really appeal to me any more, but would still have the odd one and always cake for someone's birthday etc. I'd a slice of ginger cake earlier in the day, which I love.

Was I wrong to feel annoyed?

Would be the same as people saying go on have one more drink. This is just bullying. People need to chill.

Palmasailor · 01/06/2023 22:37

Don’t tell me, they’re fat, and you’re not, and they hate it so they want to feed you up so they feel better about themselves.

I’ve had this more than once. People insisting I should eat more. I refused and when they pushed it I said “because if I ate all that I’d be as fat as you”

they backed off after that.

Ihatethenewlook · 01/06/2023 22:45

Palmasailor · 01/06/2023 22:37

Don’t tell me, they’re fat, and you’re not, and they hate it so they want to feed you up so they feel better about themselves.

I’ve had this more than once. People insisting I should eat more. I refused and when they pushed it I said “because if I ate all that I’d be as fat as you”

they backed off after that.

It’s the opposite with my mil. She’s underweight and proud of it. She tries to fatten people up as much as possible so she can look even skinner next to them. I went NC with her 8 years ago after my barely weaned daughter vomited up what was clearly a shit load of chocolate, bread, bacon and what I suspect was doughnut after she’d taken care of her for a couple of hours. She was extremely ill for 2 days. She’d only ever had a bit of fruit and veg eg before which mil was aware of. Some people are fucked up

AdoraBell · 01/06/2023 22:47

Absolutely not UN.

WetBandits · 01/06/2023 22:52

Palmasailor · 01/06/2023 22:37

Don’t tell me, they’re fat, and you’re not, and they hate it so they want to feed you up so they feel better about themselves.

I’ve had this more than once. People insisting I should eat more. I refused and when they pushed it I said “because if I ate all that I’d be as fat as you”

they backed off after that.

Lovely 🙂

Palmasailor · 01/06/2023 22:54

Ihatethenewlook · 01/06/2023 22:45

It’s the opposite with my mil. She’s underweight and proud of it. She tries to fatten people up as much as possible so she can look even skinner next to them. I went NC with her 8 years ago after my barely weaned daughter vomited up what was clearly a shit load of chocolate, bread, bacon and what I suspect was doughnut after she’d taken care of her for a couple of hours. She was extremely ill for 2 days. She’d only ever had a bit of fruit and veg eg before which mil was aware of. Some people are fucked up

Show quote history

Yeah that’s a variation on the same thing.

it’s no one’s fucking business what you do and don’t want to eat, so they should mind their own.

you get a similar thing with men insisting you have another beer. You say no bit they buy you one anyway. Then you leave it on the bar and they get shitty, because they’re a drunk they want you to be one as well. You say “I told you I didn’t want one” and you leave it was walk off.

when they don’t mind their own business about how you treat your body, it’s a reflection on them, not you.

Palmasailor · 01/06/2023 23:01

WetBandits · 01/06/2023 22:52

Lovely 🙂

Show quote history

Ill tell you why this has hit me and it’s because I was 4 stone overweight.

with that I had high blood pressure, a bad back, cholestorol and no energy.

it took 4 years to clear down 4 stone, and it was really really hard work.

in that time I saw a large group of my social set in a totally different lite. A lot of them really really hated that I was losing the weight, and it was very bloody obvious.

Mariposista · 01/06/2023 23:12

I hate this too. I am told I am a 'fascist' or 'too controlling' for not wanting a second glass of wine. I literally hate the way it makes me feel if I drink too much.

LolaSmiles · 01/06/2023 23:19

It's annoying and is similar to people who blabber on trying to encourage others to drink alcohol or have just another glass.

It's never "ooh go on, have another side of broccoli".

It might seem harsh but I've started quietly concluding that people who do this have their own hangups but can justify whatever they want to eat/drink if someone else is doing it too.

watcherintherye · 01/06/2023 23:30

Palmasailor · 01/06/2023 22:37

Don’t tell me, they’re fat, and you’re not, and they hate it so they want to feed you up so they feel better about themselves.

I’ve had this more than once. People insisting I should eat more. I refused and when they pushed it I said “because if I ate all that I’d be as fat as you”

they backed off after that.

Yes, I bet they did back off - right out the door, if they had any sense.

Original poster

Myownself · 02/06/2023 08:47

When theirs arrived, they again insisted I take some, so I took a small bit of one only for the other person to say "have some of mine too", which I declined.

OP posts:

thecatsthecats · 02/06/2023 08:53

It's even worse when people try and foist crappy supermarket "treats" on you, and get mardy if you don't accept.

Um, when I'm on a carefully managed diet, your UPF-stuffed bland sponge doesn't cut it as a treat, mate. I've made it my policy never to eat cake I can make better myself.

RabbitsRock · 02/06/2023 08:54

It’s so frustrating OP. I gave up drinking for several years - most of my friends were supportive but some just didn’t get it. “ Oh surely you can have one” etc. I didn’t really want to launch into a long explanation of why I wasn’t drinking ( I am basically a functioning alcoholic or at the very least alcohol dependent) but sometimes I ended up having to. I drink now but know I need to stop again. I think I will have to explain to my friends so I won’t be put under any pressure.

FinallyHere · 02/06/2023 11:43

Solidarity my lovely people means we need to stand firm and not give in when people try to pull this kind of stunt.

I've been fat and I've been thin.

When I've wanted to indulge in sweet stuff, I have felt that I needed others to join in in order to give myself permission to eat in public.

(Let's ignore in private for now).

I've only ever 'given in' when I've really wanted to eat it snd just wanted some kind of weird permission. Now, I eat better all round and feel it's important that only I decide what goes in my mouth.

Someone pressuring me to order would make me more determined to jot order anything. I certainly wouldn't eat anything anyone ordered when I had refused.

It's not unusual for a group to decide to just have two courses. My preference is for starter and main. Many of my friends prefer main and pudding. They are now used to me ordering mail and started to eat while they eat pudding.

Works brilliantly, our good is served at the right time and we all eat together.