"Go on, have a dessert", after saying I didn't want one twice

[Myownself]

Out for dinner with family members, we had a main course each and they fancied a dessert. I said I'd just have a coffee. Both of them started on at me to have one. I'm nearly 50 and know I didn't want one!

For context, I've a healthier diet now than I used to and lost 4 stone some years back. I still love my food, never skip meals, and there's nothing I don't like. However, desserts don't really appeal to me any more, but would still have the odd one and always cake for someone's birthday etc. I'd a slice of ginger cake earlier in the day, which I love.

Was I wrong to feel annoyed?

😂😂😂
was it with family or friends? Just curious.

'I am told I am a 'fascist' or 'too controlling' for not wanting a second glass of wine'

Oh dear god. That's shocking. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that whoever said that to you has some serious issues

Food and drink are minefields for some people. So much shame and control attached

No matter what's on offer, it is polite to offer once, and then accept the response graciously. Insisting is incredibly rude.

Yes, you were wrong to feel annoyed. You should absolutely have eaten a dessert you didn't want just because other people think you should. It's important to put other peoples feelings before your own.

Not!

No, they don't! I once read that ice cream is nothing but fat and suger - it really put me off!

Ugh, it's the British gut-stuffer culture being projected unfairly onto you, OP.

It's toxic and it sucks, and it's not as easy to deflect as other people here seem to think.

I've had to really find some strength to deal with my family members who are just like this. It seems trivial to talk about, but it's not. It's insulting, intrusive and boundary-crossing, and they'll keep at it. Stay strong.

First world problems luv

Obviously, eat what you want but:

1. Not all ice creams are the same.
2. Fat is good for you to eat, much demonised, and ice cream contains calcium from the dairy.

Most problems brought to MN are first world problems. So what?

Also, for those who've missed it, this thread is in Chat, not AIBU.

Your companions were totally in the wrong, OP. Very annoying. They put you in a position where you either do something you don't want to do, or have to be so assertive to maintain your own perfectly reasonable position that you start sounding rude. This would put me off eating with these people again.

Myownself, I could have written this .
After 7 months and a lot of effort, I have lost 3.5 stone , still 1.5 to go .
I’ve found the best response “ I’m allergic “ to whatever is being pushed onto you .
Say it enough and I almost believe it myself in the end !

YANBU
This kind of thing pisses me off. I don't know why people feel they have to force food on others. They can offer. You can politely decline. That should be the end of the conversation. If they want a dessert they can have one.
But some people aren't entirely comfortable with their own choice of having a dessert if someone else isn't having, perhaps feeling guilty about not making a healthy choice or whatever reason.
It's the same with alcohol. I live in a country where people are quite lax about drinking and driving (though the legal limits and consequences are serious). It's not completely socially unacceptable to drink and drive (as is the case in the UK). People do it and see nothing wrong in someone else doing it either. This means that if you are driving you get put under pressure by others to "just have one", "another one can't hurt". I refuse all the time - I don't drink at all when driving - but you get some arseholes being huffy about it as if you've personally insulted them.

God my mother in law comments on what my teen dds eat. She’s so clueless. On and on “oooh are you going to eat all that great big plate” tinkly laugh and not picking up any of our changing of subject. Finally my 14 year old said “are you trying to fat shame me?”. I usually come down hard on rudeness to elders but she flipping deserved that!

'Finally my 14 year old said “are you trying to fat shame me?”'

Oh wow. I love it! How very assertive and grown up of your 14yo. How did MIL respond?

Well it shut her up! Both teens are slim so it’s not as loaded as it would be if they were actually overweight but still - you don’t comment on what others do (or don’t) eat basic manners.

Call your friend(s) Mrs Doyle/ The Mrs Doyles "Ahh Have a cup of tea Father. Go on go on go on"

I say a polite no thanks, then if people push for more I just say I don't want to. For some reason this is acceptable but be prepared to be considered rude for expressing a preference.

I'm nearly 50 and know I didn't want one!

And, yet, here you are seeking validation for that decision from MN...

Do some people never have a perfectly ordinary, minor irritation without resorting MN about it?

But taking some gives in to their insistence - you should have just said "honestly no I'm fine, thank you"

I don't touch food, drinks or sweets that I have declined.
If ordered anyway they sit untouched

It was a work colleague - on a work lunch.

I've also got friends who I've realised I can't talk to about my ongoing success with weight loss. Even though its through improved nutrition, a sensible calorie deficit and regular exercise. I made the mistake of telling them how thrilled I was that I'd lost 6 pounds over three weeks and got a barrage of BMI is nonsense, being overweight isn't unhealthy and all that.

Same sort of thing - I was at a wedding reception a couple of weeks ago and people were dancing. I had danced to a couple of tracks but had sat down to talk to someone I had not seem for a while. People kept interupting and grabbing me (and my friend) insisting we get up and dance. I politely said no ( a couple of times) but they kept going on and on and trying to pull me out of the chair. It was bloody annoying and I don't want to be involved in some push me pull you scenario thank you very much. This happens at quite a few social events. Leave me alone!

This

Wot @speakout said.

FinallyHere

Thanks - and totally! An unwanted dessert arriving is on them- not me.
It is to with control, disrespect, patronising attitudes.

My mother said I was 'mean' for not wanting dessert, even she'd been prodding my belly just days before asking if I was pregnant 🙃 she knew I wasn't pregnant.