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Original poster

Ridiculous things that you thought you would achieve on maternity leave

76 replies

greenmarsupial · 31/05/2023 14:36

Im just coming to the end of my third maternity leave so I should have known better but...

I thought I would catch up with getting all of the photo books from the last few years designed and printed. Ha!

  1. I didn't have a laptop because I normally just used my work one and had to hand that back
  1. When is the time you have your hands the least free? When you have a feeding baby who likes to occasionally thrash their arms around and hit keys

What ridiculous things did you think you would achieve? I know lots of people manage PhDs etc and that's fine. This is just for lighthearted 'WTF was I thinking?' non-achievements.

OP posts:
theyoungishman · 31/05/2023 15:09

I bought a sewing machine and planned on making my baby and me clothes (it's never been used!) and I was convinced I would have all the time to learn a second language which would have helped my career when I returned to work. Yeah... nah

Bells3032 · 31/05/2023 15:10

Loosing weight lol

kagerou · 31/05/2023 15:12

Thought I'd have time for driving lessons and would get my license in time to be taking lovely day trips just me and the baby 😪

CastleTower · 31/05/2023 15:16

I did quite a nice embroidery piece for my eldest while listening to audiobooks during naps. Thought I'd do the same this time round. Have now realised that:
A. I didn't have a three year old.
B. It was lockdown.
C. It took flipping months as it was!

Might have to set my sights a bit lower.

bluebirdsongs · 31/05/2023 15:17

Change all my paperwork to my married name. Baby is turning 6 and most of them still aren't done 😂

Kimchikeffir · 31/05/2023 15:20

Catch up on reading literature such as war and peace etc,

whatsmynameaga1n · 31/05/2023 15:21

Not had the baby yet but my husband (an academic) the other day said, “I think having the baby might be really good for my research” 🙃

vicaragechristmas · 31/05/2023 15:24

I thought I’d go to baby groups, see my family, take DC to church with me, sing in the choir with baby strapped to me like other choir mums had…

…did each of those once or twice before we locked down for the first time as the pandemic started. Mat leave was over before the second lockdown ended!

Oh, and I was going to take baby swimming, but we still haven't been to the pool >3 years later.

MeinKraft · 31/05/2023 15:27

I was going to take advantage of free dentist and get all the dental work I needed done. Didn't realise I was going to have a baby with me all the time and couldn't actually go anywhere without it!

lndnbrdge91 · 31/05/2023 15:30

Read and go to museums or galleries. Basically like a nice holiday. It was not like that at all!

Mama_bear · 31/05/2023 15:46

Write my novel. The child is 20 and has moved out, the novel is still not finished 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 31/05/2023 15:47

Complete my post-graduate diploma. It took another 4 years...

queenatom · 31/05/2023 15:57

Mama_bear · 31/05/2023 15:46

Write my novel. The child is 20 and has moved out, the novel is still not finished 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My husband thought he'd finish writing his novel when he took shared parental leave. He added a grand total of 1000 words to his word count in the six months he was off.

Spaghettio · 31/05/2023 16:31

I was going to finish my open university degree! 😂😂😂😂

TortolaParadise · 31/05/2023 16:32

A Masters!

Bartg · 31/05/2023 16:33

I told friends I was gonna write a children’s book 😂

bussteward · 31/05/2023 16:37

Tbf I wrote 20k when DS was a newborn and slept like a dream (and I am a novelist so I just crack on with it). Fuck me though, the four month sleep regression is preventing me:

Stripping all the woodchip wallpaper
Lifting all the carpets
Jackhammering the concrete out of the back garden (I intended to have one of those “sleeps through anything” babies napping in the pram outside like a Scandi infant while I did this)
Decluttering
Throwing dinner parties with meals I’d cooked during nap time

pricklythistles · 31/05/2023 18:57

I had visions of pottering in the garden and becoming green fingered and knowledgeable about all things plants wise etc.

Nope!

Napoleandynamite · 31/05/2023 19:14

Literally any DIY
Writing
Read come classics
I even considered a masters… thank god I never enrolled

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 31/05/2023 19:30

I had plans for so many day trips. Didn't do a single one.

Didn't manage to read any of the planned books.

Didn't do any of the house renovation that we were so determined to finish.

I was expected to finish a work qualification in my own time though so the week before my C Section and the 2 weeks after were taken up with working 😡😡

@MeinKraft On both my maternity leaves my dental issues suddenly disappeared (according to the dentist). They just as quickly reappeared as soon as it was no longer free 🙄. So it's likely you wouldn't have got your teeth sorted anyway.

MustardChair · 31/05/2023 19:32

I thought I would write a Mills and Boon novel and be take on as a regular Mills and Boon novelist.

I never wanted to go back to my day job.

Turned out that I was - well, wrong. I did however quite my day job a few weeks ago. Because I have a very mentally ill 13 year old and need to be with him. Already things are so much better. Dh went from part retired to back to work full time.

Nothingbuttheglory · 31/05/2023 19:33

I thought I would get to go to the toilet on my own.

gogohmm · 31/05/2023 19:36

I'm still yet to complete the novel, dd is 24!

I did spend my maternity going to museums and galleries, mostly because I hated being in our tiny apartment with a screaming child (she cried far less out)

Xiaoxiong · 31/05/2023 19:37

My mother told me it was a perfect time for me to do an MBA while on maternity leave. Ha ha ha.

MeinKraft · 31/05/2023 19:42

pricklythistles · 31/05/2023 18:57

I had visions of pottering in the garden and becoming green fingered and knowledgeable about all things plants wise etc.

Nope!

I absolutely love gardening and got quite good at it during covid. My baby is now turning 2 and I still haven't really got back in the garden, all I can do is a bit of light weeding and deadheading but even then you can guarantee the second I've turned my back she'll be chasing a cat into next doors garden/peeing in the wheelbarrow and splashing in it/trying to climb into a patch of nettles etc

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