Ridiculous things that you thought you would achieve on maternity leave

[greenmarsupial]

Im just coming to the end of my third maternity leave so I should have known better but...

I thought I would catch up with getting all of the photo books from the last few years designed and printed. Ha!

1. I didn't have a laptop because I normally just used my work one and had to hand that back

1. When is the time you have your hands the least free? When you have a feeding baby who likes to occasionally thrash their arms around and hit keys

What ridiculous things did you think you would achieve? I know lots of people manage PhDs etc and that's fine. This is just for lighthearted 'WTF was I thinking?' non-achievements.

[Longtime]

MaudGonneOutForChips · 01/06/2023 08:58

I do remember having to go to the British Library during mat leave to check references and finish off an essay with a non-negotiable deadline — with the time pressures (DH had finished paternity leave so had to take time off to look after high-needs six-month-old DS), I threw myself so thoroughly into work mode for the day that when I came out of the reading room in the evening, I automatically got onto my old tube line and was actually heading ‘home’ before I remembered that not only had I not lived there for months, I’d moved out of London entirely and had a baby I’d completely forgotten about for several hours…😀

This made me 😮and 😂in equal measure!

[LittleMonstera]

On maternity leave right now, I was going to do loads of healthy cooking and fancy baking from scratch - this weekend I have eaten; a ham sandwich that I bought, two packets of biscuits, ready made pancakes cold from the fridge, half a salad, two bowls of cereal and countless cereal bars. DH is away and baby is like velcro so it's whatever I can grab with one hand!

[Mummaluma]

Thought I might get to enjoy the Summer with friends. Unfortunately my daughter was born Autumn 2019, so lockdown killed that one!

[Laterstarter]

@bussteward

@spuddel This will out me if anyone who knows me reads it but our builders had just taken out the downstairs loo but didn’t reinstate it! Open soil pipe that we jury-rigged with Tupperware and duct tape that SOMETHING chewed through. We ended up taping up the door until it felt safe to have builders back in, and any noise in the house we’d just say, “Probably toilet rat”. We also had no working kitchen, just a microwave and portable hob, for a good nine months. When people banged saucepans on the doorstep instead of clapping I took it very personally.

I’m so sorry this sounds awful but I’m literally crying with laughter reading it
‘toilet rat’…..

😂😂😂😂😂

[2kids2catsnolife]

Writing a novel! A ha ha ha

[Helen120]

Research my family history because "the baby will be in bed at 6pm so I'll need something to do in the evenings" 😂😂😂😂😂

[VintedoreBay]

@Wildflowersinthemeadow

@vicaragechristmas I had DS December 2020, I feel so sorry for those who had babies in the 19/20 year. We did get to enjoy most of those things but delayed. I’m a couple of weeks away from starting maternity leave for a second time and it’s so nice not to have the shadow of covid this time.

I thought I’d get to watch loads of crap TV.

My 2020-toddler is a couple of months older than yours and I've got newborn now - Mat leave this time around is so much better!!! People can come around, we can go out, cafes and coffee shops are open .... It's a totally different experience this time around, even with a toddler in tow. 🤩

[Peanutbutteryday]

Mine was let’s cancel the cleaner as I’ll be able to keep house Spick and span witho ur her. Cleaner reinstated at week four 🤣

[Parker231]

Thought I would enjoy baby groups - went to a couple and hated them - never went again as I went back to work full time when DT’s were six months old.

[hettiethehare]

I did Ancient Greek at school for GCSE and I was going to teach myself it again - DD was prem so for the first 6 weeks after we got back from hospital slept what felt like all the time so I bought myself the books and did about the first lesson.

13 years and 2 more DC later, I've never got any further.

[BestZebbie]

I was going to add up all my pram walks and track them to "walk to Mordor" following the route taken by the characters in Lord of the Rings.
I then had a C-section and could only stagger about to the shops and back for six weeks, then at 13 weeks post partum I came down with post-pregnancy autoimmune arthritis and spent the next seven years using a walking stick/mobility scooter most of the time.
I just about made it to the Prancing Pony pub (basically the afternoon of Day 1 in the books) on my walk tracker.

[spuddel]

[gri] at 'probably toilet rat' said, no doubt, in an insouciant, casual way!

[WorryMcGee]

Go to classes and spend the summer in the park with friends while baby napped. Did none of it. DD had reflux and threw up constantly all day long, to the point that I didn’t feel like I could leave the house. Then when she was 16 weeks I got a cancer diagnosis so I spent the rest of my mat leave in and out of hospitals or feeling like shit! She’ll be an only child so I won’t have another mat leave - but I do have an amazing employer who has looked after me very well, so this summer we have loads of camping trips and fun stuff planned to make up for my crap mat leave 🙂 (and as an extra bonus she never throws up now so we can all stay in the same outfit and enjoy ourselves 😂)

[bussteward]

@spuddel This will out me if anyone who knows me reads it but our builders had just taken out the downstairs loo but didn’t reinstate it! Open soil pipe that we jury-rigged with Tupperware and duct tape that SOMETHING chewed through. We ended up taping up the door until it felt safe to have builders back in, and any noise in the house we’d just say, “Probably toilet rat”. We also had no working kitchen, just a microwave and portable hob, for a good nine months. When people banged saucepans on the doorstep instead of clapping I took it very personally.

[DoesItHaveKosovo]

@SizzlestheSausageDog

I had aspirations of day trips and baby classes etc, making mum friends and all that. Nothing particularly OTT.

Had a lockdown baby and spent most of the year in my living room/ walking round the block. Thoroughly traumatised by how crap it was.

Me too.

Before mat leave (DS was five weeks old when lockdown started) I did have aspirations to learn a language online. I still get the emails, should probably start auto-deleting them or unsubscribe.

When DS fed and slept I did sit on my arse watching plenty of telly which I never really did pre-kids and the habit has remained

[spuddel]

@bussteward

We were mid-renovation with a six-month-old crawler – so, mobile and speedy, but still quite stupid – when lockdown hit. Our builders upped and left with everything half done and a giant pile of danger in the sitting room. We were on shared leave at the time with the aim of renovating the house and me writing a novel but instead it was just “stop the baby climbing on the angle grinder” 😬

You have my complete empathy @bussteward
I was mid renovating both bathrooms when lockdown happened. Will never forget the plumber, as he was packing up and walking out the door, recommending a sink wash until he could get back! At least the baby was all grown up by then though.

[bussteward]

@spuddel

I thought I'd renovate an 18th century building site of a town house from scratch, whilst living in it with a newborn. What an idiot. The most stressful thing ever keeping danger at bay with wires, ladders and tradesmen everywhere. It knocked me ill but I did develop a new FuckItThisWillDo mantra that's served me well since

We were mid-renovation with a six-month-old crawler – so, mobile and speedy, but still quite stupid – when lockdown hit. Our builders upped and left with everything half done and a giant pile of danger in the sitting room. We were on shared leave at the time with the aim of renovating the house and me writing a novel but instead it was just “stop the baby climbing on the angle grinder” 😬

[spuddel]

I thought I'd renovate an 18th century building site of a town house from scratch, whilst living in it with a newborn. What an idiot. The most stressful thing ever keeping danger at bay with wires, ladders and tradesmen everywhere. It knocked me ill but I did develop a new FuckItThisWillDo mantra that's served me well since

[MaudGonneOutForChips]

@whatsmynameaga1n

Not had the baby yet but my husband (an academic) the other day said, “I think having the baby might be really good for my research” 🙃

What did he mean??? Good how?

I do remember having to go to the British Library during mat leave to check references and finish off an essay with a non-negotiable deadline — with the time pressures (DH had finished paternity leave so had to take time off to look after high-needs six-month-old DS), I threw myself so thoroughly into work mode for the day that when I came out of the reading room in the evening, I automatically got onto my old tube line and was actually heading ‘home’ before I remembered that not only had I not lived there for months, I’d moved out of London entirely and had a baby I’d completely forgotten about for several hours…😀

[MaudGonneOutForChips]

@queenatom

My husband thought he'd finish writing his novel when he took shared parental leave. He added a grand total of 1000 words to his word count in the six months he was off.

I did actually write mine. It got me an agent, but never found a publisher, which may have been down to the mild hallucinations caused by sleep deprivation.

[Whatthediddlyfeck]

Lose the pregnancy weight gain…

The good news is, I did achieve this last year….



She’s 25 now 🤣🤣🤣

[IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads]

With my first baby, I could have done a lot of things. He was a brilliant sleeper and realistically I would have studied a language, post grad qualification etc. I didn't, I was having far too much time with my new friends, baby swimming, Surestart groups, buggy fit etc (I trained for a 10K with ds in a running buggy).

With my second baby is considered it a major achievement if I was dressed by the time the postman came around 10.30 am.

[Kerri44]

Learn Italian!

With my 2nd my only plan was to get my 1st to school on time lol

[853ax]

Laser eye surgery to correct vision so I wouldn't have to wear glasses again. 10yrs on think no point as I'll be getting old age eye sight soon.

[tallsmallmum]

@kagerou

Thought I'd have time for driving lessons and would get my license in time to be taking lovely day trips just me and the baby 😪

I'm sorry that didn't happen for you 🥺 I failed my test for the 3rd time after DC1 was born I was devestated I also thought I'd learn a skill to make money at home but that didn't fail because of my baby it failed because the learning materials were rubbish 😶