Ridiculous things that you thought you would achieve on maternity leave

[greenmarsupial]

Im just coming to the end of my third maternity leave so I should have known better but...

I thought I would catch up with getting all of the photo books from the last few years designed and printed. Ha!

1. I didn't have a laptop because I normally just used my work one and had to hand that back

1. When is the time you have your hands the least free? When you have a feeding baby who likes to occasionally thrash their arms around and hit keys

What ridiculous things did you think you would achieve? I know lots of people manage PhDs etc and that's fine. This is just for lighthearted 'WTF was I thinking?' non-achievements.

[Wildflowersinthemeadow]

@vicaragechristmas I had DS December 2020, I feel so sorry for those who had babies in the 19/20 year. We did get to enjoy most of those things but delayed. I’m a couple of weeks away from starting maternity leave for a second time and it’s so nice not to have the shadow of covid this time.

I thought I’d get to watch loads of crap TV.

[Firstnamesurname31]

Revise for an exam and take it when I got back. Hard no. Naps were never long enough to even open the books…

[Speedweed]

Finish decorating and decluttering the house. Utterly deluded 😂

[UnravellingTheWorld]

I requested a particular jigsaw for Christmas when my son was 5 mo, because "he's got to sleep sometime".

He'll be 2 in the summer and said jigsaw is still in shrinkwrap!

[sunshineandwinee]

I thought I’d lose the weight I gained, no I’m still the same weight a week after I gave birth. DC is one. So depressing.

[greenmarsupial]

@Nothingbuttheglory

I thought I would get to go to the toilet on my own.

😂 so true!

[DuranNotSpandeau]

We were going to host foreign students as i thought they would be good company and fun to have around while we didn't need to spare room for 6 months.

I was going to make a floor blanket/activity type thing with lots of textured and interesting things on it.

I was going to start a business.

I was going to get back into painting.

I was going to decorate the whole house.

Reality: CS birth with long after-effects, baby with multiple food allergies (through my milk) who didn't nap and averaged 6 hours sleep a day from day 1. None of it happened.😂

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

Trips to the pool and gym each week.

Get my hair cut.

Tidy the house.

Get some sleep.

Have a shower without the accompaniment of a screeching infant.

Make Mum friends.


What I did achieve: one fed child, one immaculate kitchen constantly smelling of Milton, an ongoing disadvantage in the workplace and single parent status (at which point, things improved dramatically).

Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

[PuttingDownRoots]

I had a great idea of training to do one of those obstacle races (10km) when DD was 7mo. It was actually put off from the year before, as I had to defer due to pregnancy.

Not only did I not manage to train properly... I dislocated my knee on the first obstacle, carted off to hospital and in the months that followed was informed by the physiotherapist that your ligaments and tendons don't regain their full strength for a year after birth as they loosen to prepare for birth.

I did however manage to move country and complete driving lessons. I got my licence the day before DD turned 1.

[Myn]

I intended to cook from scratch daily, every time baby cried I would just go on a pram walk (because it's so easy, I forgot it rained and I would be exhausted from sleepless nights) instead I spent a fortune in coffee shops.

[HiCandles]

I thought I'd have the boxes unpacked from moving in 3 years before, have the house renovations finished and fill some photo albums. Hardly any of it got done. My baby much preferred buggy naps to cot naps which meant being out walking for hours and during the successful cot naps I was always 'just nipping the hoover round and doing a bit of washing up, then I'll sit and get the photos out...' Ahhh baby has woken up.

[rivertoskateaway]

I borrowed a ukulele for a friend as I thought I would have lots of time to learn to play and sing cute songs to baby. I gave it back a couple of years later having never got it out of the case!

[OneCup]

I was going to do a masters and do some volunteering 😃.
I didn't even have the strength to apply for the masters,nevermind completing one!

[GoalShooter]

DH and I were house hunting when I was pregnant. We saw one house that needed a lot of work doing, so I thought that might be a good "project" to keep me occupied while I was on maternity leave. Thank god we didn't end up buying that one!

[YukoandHiro]

Write a book!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Second time round I just accepted I'd do two fifths of bugger all and it was so calming to embrace the chaos.

[FusionChefGeoff]

There's an insane Facebook post that pops up to haunt me every now and then where I resolve to make my own pasta and re-learn the piano whilst on mat leave.

What a twat

[MrsMoastyToasty]

1. That I would help DM list my dear departed DF's stock (he had a business in the antiques trade) and sell it on Ebay.
2. That I would upload all my many photos (I've had a camera since my teens).
3. That I would look for a new job to avoid returning to the crappy one I was on maternity leave from.

1. Didn't happen
2. Didn't happen. DS is now 17.
3. I returned to crappy job , but only stayed another year and a half.

[parrotonthesofa]

I had twins and I remember thinking that I would just pop them in the buggy and go for a jog while pushing them

[parrotonthesofa]

Every day

[EL8888]

I had zero expectations but l knew l was having twins

Husband had plans to which l nodded and smiled. He’s now realising how hard it is getting back shit done e.g. leaving the house on time -they are only 2 months old

[EL8888]

Back = basic

[SizzlestheSausageDog]

I had aspirations of day trips and baby classes etc, making mum friends and all that. Nothing particularly OTT.

Had a lockdown baby and spent most of the year in my living room/ walking round the block. Thoroughly traumatised by how crap it was.

[Katieandthekids]

Bought new weed membrane thinking I would rip up and redo the gravel in our front drive 🤣 with toddler twins and a newborn 🤣

[Abouttimemum]

My mum kept telling me that I could ‘finally write that book you’ve been wanting to do’ - still makes me laugh out loud now.

[Reugny]

@queenatom

My husband thought he'd finish writing his novel when he took shared parental leave. He added a grand total of 1000 words to his word count in the six months he was off.

My DP thought he would do a couple of courses to help him get a better role at work....

He did manage to do them when he went back to work, DD was 3, in full-time childcare and he changed departments.