ADHD and the military. Diagnose or not?

[OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide]

DD is 12. She has always wanted to be a pilot, potentially in the RAF.

She is currently undergoing assessment for ADHD. When we spoke with the paed about her future desires they advised we may not want the diagnosis made formal if she was potentially going to want to join the military, as they will ask if she has ever been diagnosed and would have restrictions of the answer was yes.

She’s only 12 so things could change of course but someone said it would be better to take the diagnosis and get the support and hope that by the time she might be looking to a military career she would have the ADHD under control.

I think it’s too big of a risk in terms of narrowing her potential future options.

school have said confirmation of the traits is enough to get the support she may need for exams etc.

(It’s highly likely I have ADHD as well. Have forged a good career despite the struggles but do wonder what else I could have been had I had the support at her age.)

Shes in the NHS process as well but unlikely to be seen for 2.5-3 years. Plan would be for her to join air cadets at 13 to decide whether it is something she would want to pursue. If it puts her off she could then get the formal diagnosis at 15 ahead of GCSEs.

what would you do?

Exactly what I was thinking!

I think the problem here is that you aren't listening to the fact that even if she goes for it and doesn't get a diagnosis, it's not going to stop the problems that ADHD might create.

It's something you cant and shouldnt just pretend isn't there.

You need to manage her expectations whilst doing things properly to protect her in other ways if this 12 year old dream falls through.

It's what she wants to do NOW. But looking back I certainly went through phases of absolutely being hyperfocused on what thing but because I was a jack of all trades that just switched about over the years.

If she wants to be a pilot then ADHD isn't necessarily a barrier. It will make it tougher. If she really wants to do it she will have to over come those barriers. SHE needs to know and understand this because it will be HER battle to fight.

If she can overcome them then ultimately she shouldn't be a pilot because ADHD too. And she needs to understand why.

This isn't something you can not should protect her from. Life is sometimes rough and you can't do what you planned. That doesn't mean dreams are ruined if you manage expectations properly. It means she will have to think about things in a different way. That's for you to guide her through.

If you aren't fully honest with her and yourself over the fact that if she needs a diagnosis she needs it done properly, all you are doing is setting her up for a fall and greater disappointment after she's already invested significant emotional energy into it.

Be mindful of this.

There are some ignorant posts on this thread, but ultimately you can't pretend there isn't an issue here either.

My friends daughter really wanted to be an air hostess. Turns out she's under the height limit so is having to readjust her expectations aged 17. She doesn't want to do ground crew so has to find something else to do. That's tougher. That's no fault of hers nor anyone else's - it's just a feature of safety in the air.

(I am almost certainly ADHD myself and DS is going through the process too).

See my most recent posts.

Well stop biting then!

You say she's exhausted by masking - not diagnosing will just perpetuate this throughout her career/life.

As for being a peacekeeper...perhaps the forces isn't career for your DD.

I think you've made the right decision, OP. I'm afraid that when I read your "She has all of the traits for inattentive type" I thought that there was no way she should be flying fighter jets. It could be worse and she wanted to be an air traffic controller I suppose(!) But I genuinely think that you don't do a child any favours if you encourage a dream that simply isn't a fit for their particular neuro divergent traits. That doesn't mean trashing their dreams, More opening then up to other careers and life possibilities.

If she didn't have the diagnosis, got accepted and then failed the course because of her inattention, surely that would be worse?

All the best to her.

My DH wanted to be a military pilot from very young, also about 3 yo. He was in the air cadets etc etc but couldn't do it because he has asthma.
He went into an adjacent career. He is rueful about the career he might have had without his asthma (it doesn't affect him much, is fully controlled with meds).

I don't think you can build a life on a lie, if her cognition works in a way which is incompatible with the role then it isn't nice but it's how it is.

It's best she knows her strengths and works to those, than drives herself on to a dream which could only be possible if her weaknesses remain undetected.

This is crazy to me.

If you genuinely think that she has ADHD but it's so mild that she would be just as safe as anybody else (without ADHD) flying a plane, without medication or other adjustments, then it's so mild that I'm not sure why you'd bother trying to get a diagnosis tbh.

If she needs a diagnosis to help her achieve her potential, then she probably shouldn't be flying planes unmedicated

Note that I said shouldn't, not couldn't.

I was diagnosed as an adult in a high-risk job (after a few near-miss events). I got there without a diagnosis, but I now wouldn't go to work unmedicated.
I passed my driving test undiagnosed (on the 5th attempt) but I now wouldn't drive unmedicated

The best hope for her (if she does have significant ADHD symptoms) is to get diagnosed and hope that the criteria will be relaxed to allow well-controlled ADHD- which to be fair does seem reasonable so might well happen.

If you genuinely think that she has ADHD but it's so mild that she would be just as safe as anybody else (without ADHD) flying a plane, without medication or other adjustments, then it's so mild that I'm not sure why you'd bother trying to get a diagnosis tbh.

She wouldn't get a diagnosis if it was 'so mild' because ADHD isn't.

@Artemi

and hope that the criteria will be relaxed to allow well-controlled ADHD- which to be fair does seem reasonable so might well happen.

This is Aviation Medical Examiner territory, we could do with one here but they are not that common…

Whilst this wasn’t my aisle when I was working (I’m an ex pilot, mil and then civil) I do know some of the drugs often used to control disqualifying conditions are in themselves incompatible with holding a medical certificate…so you can be stuffed one way or another.

A few years ago we were in this position with DS1, he also did a lot of sport to a decent level, another reason not to be medicated.
At the time he applied to the RN medical requirements were that you had to have not been medicated basically from primary school age, They really wanted you to have "grown out" of it 🤨.
We held off diagnosis at DS1s request but as a result his time at school became harder and harder and he left at 17 with just a few qualifications, he then had few choices but to join up. He found basic training hard, not the physical stuff but the organisation and memorising. He passed but left very earlier in his next stage of training, he nearly had a breakdown from the strain of trying to minimise his ADHD
I really wish we'd got him diagnosed earlier, biggest parenting mistake by far, it took him years to recover from the failure ( in his eyes) and find his feet. Medication had made a massive difference and unlocked his potential but he's 5 years behind his peers.
They may have changed policy in the last five years but I would read the small print very carefully, they are very strict about all sorts of medical things the average employer would not care about.

Which is exactly my point - everyone has ADHD symptoms to some extent, whether or not it's ADHD depends on whether it's having a significant detrimental effect on your life.

If it's not significantly impacting your life then it's not ADHD

If it IS significantly impacting your life then probably not a good idea to fly planes without additional support

It does really suck that well-controlled ADHD is currently still an excluding factor. I can imagine that being upsetting. I don't know enough about flying and the military to say whether that's fair.

The trouble is that in the theatre of war access to prescriptions can be problematic so having military personnel reliant on a prescription for the function of their role would be a logistical problem... Armies stand or fall on their supply chains and repeat prescriptions would be a whole other layer.

It does really suck that well-controlled ADHD is currently still an excluding factor. I can imagine that being upsetting. I don't know enough about flying and the military to say whether that's fair.

As @PimpMyFridge points out on of several problems for the mil is the reliable provision of required medication, especially if deployed.

From the civil side of flying (probably mil as well) a lot of the time "fairness" and "equality" come secondary to safety. That's the reason for a lot of the disqualifying conditions and also why many medications are in themselves disqualifying on at least a temporary basis.

Her assessment was today. She just hit the diagnostic criteria on the traditional measures but was off the scale in female presentation factors.

As her issues are mainly emotional and social he doesn’t think meds will help. She can concentrate at school, she just depletes all of her energy and becomes dysregulated at home (just like me). More support strategies at school that help her not aim for perfection/external validation should help. Going to look at diet and activity too.

She’s a natural at driving so I was glad there was absolutely no sign of dyspraxia or issues with spacial awareness. Maybe she is destined to be a world champion rally driver. ;)

In your OP you said she wasn't going to be seen for years but 2 days later she has been assessed?

My very first post is pretty clear?

She is currently undergoing assessment for ADHD. When we spoke with the paed

this is a private assessment because

she’s been accepted for the NHS pathway as well but the waiting list is 2.5-3 years.

It wasn't very clear at all otherwise I really wouldn't have asked.

This was the second of 2 assessments, 4 hours in total with the paed, assessment questionnaires from her teachers, private music teacher, peers, sports coaches, us and her.

Is it clear now?

Is it clear now?

Only because you said 'this is a private assessment'

Sorry, I was being snarky there. Please ignore me.

I have clarified in later posts.

Don’t think the images are posting.

Yes I didn't pick it up from the OP. I am sorry. It wasn't clear to me from there.