ADHD and the military. Diagnose or not?

[OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide]

DD is 12. She has always wanted to be a pilot, potentially in the RAF.

She is currently undergoing assessment for ADHD. When we spoke with the paed about her future desires they advised we may not want the diagnosis made formal if she was potentially going to want to join the military, as they will ask if she has ever been diagnosed and would have restrictions of the answer was yes.

She’s only 12 so things could change of course but someone said it would be better to take the diagnosis and get the support and hope that by the time she might be looking to a military career she would have the ADHD under control.

I think it’s too big of a risk in terms of narrowing her potential future options.

school have said confirmation of the traits is enough to get the support she may need for exams etc.

(It’s highly likely I have ADHD as well. Have forged a good career despite the struggles but do wonder what else I could have been had I had the support at her age.)

Shes in the NHS process as well but unlikely to be seen for 2.5-3 years. Plan would be for her to join air cadets at 13 to decide whether it is something she would want to pursue. If it puts her off she could then get the formal diagnosis at 15 ahead of GCSEs.

what would you do?

It’s about narrowing down her options this early

It's not really narrowing her options though, it is opening her mind to the possibility that she will have to find a wider range of options which are better suited to her skills (I'm deliberately not using the word abilities!)

It’s also completely possible to get her support without a diagnosis. It’s only meds that wouldn’t be available to her (and I’m not convinced they would be the right treatment for her anyway).

She’d be like me, basically.

A private licence might scratch the itch. I think it’s the Red Arrows that have driven her towards the military route. But she’s a peacekeeper who doesn’t like the idea of war, and she’s so creative I can’t see it being the right environment for her generally.

Not at university you can't. You need a diagnosis to get your disability support
www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowance-dsa/eligibility

Tbh unless your daughter is severe enough to need an EHCP. Then a diagnoises I don't believe will help. The school should have enough in place to have IPs and interventions regardless of a formal diagnosis. This is how I feel about my daughter and her ASD, very reluctant to get formal. She has everything in place at school anyway and we will discuss it all with her as she gets older.

You need a diagnosis to get support at university

It’s also harder to get an NHS diagnosis as an adult, if that is likely to matter (I know it’s not easy as a child, either, but the waiting list for adults in my area at least is literally decades)

Yes at university. We've had the Ados test and it's now up to us to get the formal diagnosis from the paediatrician. But my daughter is only 8, therefore we want to wait to see the need as she gets older. But currently a formal diagnosis isn't helpful in my opinion.

I don’t to be overly negative or the bearer of bad news but in the interests of expectation management the current UK CAA rules (I posted the link upthread, I’ll tack it on again below) preclude anyone with a diagnosis of ongoing ADHD from undertaking any flying training and also the issue of any form of flying license, private or commercial….

It’s a subject of discussion that is cropping up with increasing frequency on aviation forums.

Good luck in resolving this and I hope you can find something to scratch the itch..

https://www.caa.co.uk/aeromedical-examiners/medical-standards/pilots/conditions/mental-health/dyslexia-asperger-syndrome-and-adhd/

You really should not have the right to withhold a medical assessment from your child. I feel so strongly about this and it should be deemed neglect as it would be to not have a potential broken bone X-rayed.

Not having a formal diagnosis will not benefit her in any way if she is autistic. Having one could be life saving.

Who is doing ADOS and not reporting results officially?

Agreed
It's not just school. If god forbid, she needed a hospital admission, it's needed then. If she ever had to deal with the police or needed help with mental health issues.

How can you so blithely rule out medication when you are not a paediatric psychiatrist specialising in ADHD?! I think you are confusing your suspicion you might have ADHD with your DD’s very real and probably more significant ADHD. She is not a mini you.

I said i’m not convinced. Not that I couldn’t be.

Given the biggest concern right now is rejection sensitivity I’m not sure meds are going to help.

I’m not paying though the nose for private support to blithely rule anything out. 🤷🏻‍♀️

She is so like me it’s scary!

I moved out at 17, bought a house at 19 and have built a career my way. I have had hurdles along the way and found my own way to deal with things. For me I’m brilliant at work and a mess at home. She appears to be brilliant in most aspects at school and then has no energy left at home.

We will work through all possible support mechanisms for her.

Doesn’t work like that in Wales. School have already confirmed they would not need formal diagnosis to provide support.

I spend a lot of my life (and have done for years) running around after her very very broad spectrum of interests.

theatre group, gymnastics, various music lessons, circus skills, maths club, swimming, dog agility classes, eisteddfods and concerts, art workshops, science summer camps, scuba diving……

In a way I wish she had narrower interests!

And there lies the problem..

WTF?

Do you have any operating mode which is closer to “helpful” rather than “sarky with a side of twattishness”?

No idea what your beef is but maybe you could fuck off and have it somewhere else.

It's an open forum love..

Twattishness. Funny you mention that

You have built your kid up to believe this 'dream' is attainable at all cost. And now a disability has cropped up you are trying to dodge it by not going down correct routes

You think she will get full support with no diagnosis.

Swearing and name calling won't change that.

Absolutely not. You’ve misread my posts several times.

I was asking for experiences. You appear to have nothing useful to add so do feel free to do something —anything— else.

Thanks to everyone that shared their stories and helpful advice. We’ve decided to take the diagnosis if offered to ensure DD gets the support she needs in all aspects of life going forward.

there are always flight simulators and air shows. :)

They have a very thorough psychological testing for flight crew so it will be picked up anyway if that is the route she is planning on going. Logically the only people who can answer are the RAF careers team she will be better getting an answer now rather than in her Alevels or on application.

But she’s a peacekeeper who doesn’t like the idea of war, and she’s so creative I can’t see it being the right environment for her generally

You might want to educate yourself on what the the UK forces actually do….. peacekeeping is a large part of it. And there are lots of creative people in the forces- those skills are very much valued and utilised.

I posted on here earlier but I suspect that all you are looking to do is put your DD off as you don’t like the idea of her having a military career. If that’s the case at least be honest. There are many reasons to join the forces , and there are many reasons not to, but having ADHD isn’t one of them.

Just read some of your other replies, planes and forces in general is a very noisy place if she doesn't like noise probably not the route for her, being anti war and flying a plane for the RAF also probably not going to get through the interview or evaluations which involve making tough decisions on collateral damage.

I'm glad that you've decided to go ahead with a diagnosis. I think it's the right decision. Good luck to your DD. It sounds like she has a very bright future ahead of her especially with your support.