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Original poster

Why the hell do I keep getting crushes on women?

65 replies

Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 25/05/2023 20:25

Does anyone else have this? I'm a straight woman, married with children. I am definitely straight I fancy men.

But I get quite a lot of crushes on women. I had a crush on a girl at school, I even had a massive crush on my child's teacher once, now it's happening again with a school mum. It seems to go on for a few months then it will pass.

I don't want to be intimate with a woman at all and I can't really explain how I know it's a crush but I'll keep thinking about them, have very strong feelings towards them, almost a feeling of being protective towards them. I feel a bit lovesick and look forward to seeing them.

OP posts:
Elektra1 · 25/05/2023 20:30

I used to feel like this a lot when I was younger. Very intense friendships. At 37 I realised I was gay.

Mamoun · 25/05/2023 20:36

But the idea of cuddling with them doesn't interest you? Just cuddling?

Random102 · 25/05/2023 20:37

Have you read up on limerance? Could it be this?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
BionicCarbon · 25/05/2023 20:40

Maybe you’re a bit bisexual?

Original poster
Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 25/05/2023 20:45

The thought of being intimate with a woman is a complete turn off, and I'm not meaning to be offensive but it just doesn't appeal to me. I've always enjoyed a good sex life with male partners.

To be honest I get crushes on men quite a lot too and that's usually sexual but sometimes not. I had a crush on a guy at work who was an older guy, but the thought of having sex with him or even kissing him grossed me out.

I'll read up on limerence.

OP posts:
Spottycarousel · 25/05/2023 20:49

Do you crave nurturing? Did you miss that from your mum? Or maybe the women you like have qualities that you admire?

DaisyWaldron · 25/05/2023 20:54

If you get romantic feelings but not sexual ones, you might be biromantic but heterosexual. I don't really get sexual crushes on people (there are a handful of people at most I've ever had sexual feelings for, and I married the first one I met) butI do get romantic ones where I feel giddy and think about them all the time and want to snuggle them but not in a naked or orgasmic way.

Mmmmdanone · 25/05/2023 21:01

I've felt like this a couple if times. I put it down to just really admiring them and thinking they're ace! It's a bit like romantic love as you can't wait to see them, but it definitely wasn't sexual for me either.

Original poster
Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 25/05/2023 21:26

Spottycarousel · 25/05/2023 20:49

Do you crave nurturing? Did you miss that from your mum? Or maybe the women you like have qualities that you admire?

No I'm pretty sure it's not about nurturing.

That's the thing too, I don't usually even know these women well enough to know what their qualities are, although perhaps there are an imagined set of qualities, I don't think it's about attractiveness either because there are loads of stunningly attractive women that I don't get crushes on.

OP posts:
Danishlydaning · 25/05/2023 21:28

Do they have qualities you’d like in yourself?

Original poster
Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 25/05/2023 21:35

Danishlydaning · 25/05/2023 21:28

Do they have qualities you’d like in yourself?

Maybe, but this is what's so confusing about it.

I know loads of women who I admire and think are great, but it certainly doesn't turn into this slightly lovesick feeling.

It's totally random and seemingly comes out of nowhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 25/05/2023 21:37

I thought that loads of people would say that they'd felt like this.

It seems that I am just very strange.

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 25/05/2023 21:38

How do you think you’d feel if one of them returned your feelings? Would you like to be friends with them/go for coffee or dinner? Or is it more a touch of hero worshipping or being starstruck?

bladebladebla1 · 25/05/2023 21:40

I've always had this with women who seem nurturing, I was brought up with a lot of love but also was adopted so have always wondered if it's about that. I still have it but it's more I crave attention from them than fancy them I guess. It's weird

Darhon · 25/05/2023 21:43

I felt like this as I turned 40 about a woman. But the end of the process it was like a switch had been flipped. I stopped fancying men. I’m with a woman now.

MMMarmite · 25/05/2023 21:44

Hmm maybe I have this? 🤔

I always assumed I was bisexual. I definitely get crushes on wonan. But I've never been with a woman, so I don't know for sure whether i'd actually enjoy sex with them.

I had a bit of a messed up childhood so I hear the stuff about nurture, it could be related to that?

Spottycarousel · 25/05/2023 21:46

You're not alone, I've felt like this a lot in my life but it seemed to be about my need for a mother figure most of the time. Once or twice it wasn't but I think I admired their confidence and creative drive- qualities I want to cultivate in myself. One woman I did and still do have very strong feelings for, not sexual but I deeply admire everything about her. Sometimes a person just touches something within you, maybe you don't even have to know them well as it's an unconscious chemical pull.

Original poster
Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 25/05/2023 21:48

ShandaLear · 25/05/2023 21:38

How do you think you’d feel if one of them returned your feelings? Would you like to be friends with them/go for coffee or dinner? Or is it more a touch of hero worshipping or being starstruck?

Hmm good question.

I'd probably run for the hills. Maybe some I'd be friends with but most probably not.

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 25/05/2023 21:59

I have felt like this once. Just over 1 woman. It’s passing now. But I still fancy her. I’m just not as in love with her as I was

Clipboard007 · 25/05/2023 22:34

How do you define 'having a crush'?

Normative · 25/05/2023 22:45

I used to get massive girl crushes when I was younger. Mainly older girls who I wanted to be like.
Still get them now to a lesser extent with women I admire.
I tend to find them physically attractive and there are a few famous women who I also like to look at but as you say the thought of being intimate with them, even cuddling is disgusting whereas when I see an attractive man I can quite happily imagine it!
So you’re not alone.

NCGrandParent · 25/05/2023 22:58

I don't understand what you're describing. A crush to me indicates some kind of attraction. I have had crushes on women, have never been intimate with one but the thought doesn't turn me off (quite the opposite!) I just assume I am bisexual with no direct experience ( and no plans to cheat on my husband!)

Could you be socially conditioned to repress any sexual attraction for the same sex?

Bexx87 · 25/05/2023 23:14

I have been with women and am attracted to them even though I'm married to a man. The attraction feels different to my attraction to men, somehow. If you're not having sexual thoughts about women then you're probably not bisexual, unless you are and you're not either not recognising it or not accepting it in some way. I always told myself I was straight but I'm really not.

SSCCLL · 25/05/2023 23:16

It's happened to me loads over the years. I'm with a woman now at 30

Snugglemonkey · 25/05/2023 23:18

You really do not sound straight. It does not mean you are gay. But having crushes on women is not straight, whether or not you fancy men.