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Original poster

Why the hell do I keep getting crushes on women?

65 replies

Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 25/05/2023 20:25

Does anyone else have this? I'm a straight woman, married with children. I am definitely straight I fancy men.

But I get quite a lot of crushes on women. I had a crush on a girl at school, I even had a massive crush on my child's teacher once, now it's happening again with a school mum. It seems to go on for a few months then it will pass.

I don't want to be intimate with a woman at all and I can't really explain how I know it's a crush but I'll keep thinking about them, have very strong feelings towards them, almost a feeling of being protective towards them. I feel a bit lovesick and look forward to seeing them.

OP posts:
Normative · 25/05/2023 23:22

I’d describe this sort of crush as wanting to look at someone (clothed!), listen to them talk, admire something about them, want to emulate them in some way, want to impress them, think about them a lot…

Different to a crush on a man -in that case I’d want to see them with fewer clothes on, want to be physically close to them, think about being intimate with them, imagine being together…

hoven · 25/05/2023 23:24

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FaceLikeAMoodyTeenager · 25/05/2023 23:30

My early sexual feelings were with girls and boys and I was sexually active with both. I've always had a tendency to develop intense feelings for certain women friends and on one occasion bought a woman who I was very good friends with a lovely underwear set just because I wanted to give her something nice (I could've given her some flowers!!). I imagined her wearing it and loving it - I think she was a bit shocked though. To me, we were almost like a married couple although she was (and is) straight.

I feel attraction to certain women ( I have a 'type' which is typically women like i.e. KD Lang and Lea DeLaria) but I have always been confused about what that is about because I've not had a gay relationship as such, never sought one out.
Since I divorced over a decade ago I have not had a relationship with a male and I have absolutely no desire to, ever again.

So I don't know, OP. But you're not alone and I'm glad you posted :-)

Interested in this thread?

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daretodenim · 25/05/2023 23:31

I had this for years. Didn't discuss it with anybody then it came up in therapy one day. After a bit of exploration discovered that I had internalised homo-/biphobia (everybody in the world can be gay/bi, just not me).

It was due to my upbringing and very obvious once I started exploring that. I had never an inkling that I thought like that because I'd never considered I could be gay or bi, due to the internalisation of it! I think it was easy not to think about it because I was also attracted to men, whereas if I'd only been attracted to women it may have been obvious earlier.

Anyway, once I'd sorted that out then those crushes became HOT! I felt like a teenage boy at times! 😂 It's more under control now!

So careful how much you dig, depending on how ready you are for the answer!

SockGoddess · 25/05/2023 23:34

I get this too, some women are really attractive to me and I get that crush feeling - but the thought of doing anything intimate does not appeal at all. I wish it did to be honest, as I’m separated and jaded and kind of had it with men, or that’s how I feel at the moment. I think I’d have much more chance of a happy relationship if I was gay, but I can’t get my head round the sex part. Maybe I’ll get there one day as PPs have described!

QueefQueen80s · 25/05/2023 23:34

I get crushes on women, feel vibes with them, but can't imagine being sexual woman to woman. But I can imagine being a man and being sexual with them, I wish I could experience it. But I love being a woman!
Dissect that 🤯

JaffacakeJanine · 25/05/2023 23:52

Sexuality is complex, it is totally normal to be both sexually and romantically attracted to men but only romantically attracted to women, I believe it falls under the umbrella of asexuality.

I know some lesbians that are only sexually interested in men but not romantically.

Society is keen to pin neat labels on it, but sexuality does not operate like that.

Summerfun54321 · 25/05/2023 23:54

I have never had a crush on a women. Just because you can't imagine being intimate with a women doesn't mean you aren't gay, just means you can't imagine it.

Summerfun54321 · 25/05/2023 23:54

I have never had a crush on a women. Just because you can't imagine being intimate with a women doesn't mean you aren't gay, just means you can't imagine it.

Greenfairydust · 26/05/2023 00:00

You are over-thinking this.

Sexuality/attraction is not always a binary choice between being straight or gay.

Some people can be attracted to men and women.

You don't need to put a label on it.

Greenfairydust · 26/05/2023 00:03

@JaffacakeJanine ''It is totally normal to be both sexually and romantically attracted to men but only romantically attracted to women, I believe it falls under the umbrella of asexuality.

I know some lesbians that are only sexually interested in men but not romantically. ''

I think you need to improve your knowledge because what you are saying is rather nonsensical.

Asexuality has nothing to do with what you describe and by definition lesbians are not interested in having sex with men...

SocialLite · 26/05/2023 00:07

I'm always surprised that so many people don't seem to see that sex and romance don't have to be linked. It's totally possible and indeed, reasonable, to be sexually attracted to men but romantically to women, vice versa, or any combination thereof!

Personally, I've only had sexual relationships with men. I am however, bisexual- the fact I've never had sex with a woman doesn't change that.

Slinkyminky22 · 26/05/2023 00:13

I could have written your post myself.

I don't know what to make of it at all but today I got serious butterflies over my (female) crush as I suddenly noticed her walking near me. I've been dreaming about her as well. As long as it's just thoughts it's okay (normal!?) right...

WeThreeKingsofOrientAre · 26/05/2023 00:26

I’m loving this thread!

LadyLolaRuben · 26/05/2023 00:50

This thread is fascinating but bending my mind

ChangedNameNotGay · 26/05/2023 01:10

OP I think I'm the same. I'm married to a man & have a child. But I totally feel sexuality is a spectrum & not as black & white as we might think

I feel v drawn to some women & feel a deep connection . I'm v feminine in appearance & I have crushes on more androgynous women. Apart from one drunken encounter with a straight friend in my 20s I've never acted on it
But I've v def felt that crush feeling on a couple of women

Pocodaku · 26/05/2023 02:08

I’m afraid not. In both your examples, what you’re describing is bisexuality.

Pocodaku · 26/05/2023 02:09

Sorry, my response above was for @JaffacakeJanine .

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 26/05/2023 02:36

You do not sound straight to me. I have dated me and women. I remember having crushes on girls. I would always kind of cringe and the thought of going down on a woman. Eventually I did and I was shocked how much I loved it. And it felt natural. Before the idea seemed icky. Not sure why. Having crushes on girls though was my initial experience.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 26/05/2023 03:09

You could be heterosexual but bi-romantic. As in you feel romantic feelings for both sexes but only sexually desire men.

It's not completely out there.

marmite2023 · 26/05/2023 04:01

I feel like you OP, but I’m bisexual and married to a man. I get more attracted to women when I’m off the pill, interestingly. I watch / read female-only erotica, but fancy more male celebrities. I get occasional crushes on women I see at the gym, and sometimes on men. Before I met my OH at 20, I had slept with quite a few men and kissed a lot of girls.

You sound like me, and you’re probably somewhat bisexual. A lot of women are. You can be bisexual or have bisexual attraction without having slept with the same sex. If I hadn’t met my OH at 20, i might have met a girlfriend, but none of the frogs I kissed turned into princesses, whereas something special happened with my partner and 17 years later here we are, so 🤷‍♀️

itsabigtree · 26/05/2023 06:21

Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 25/05/2023 21:37

I thought that loads of people would say that they'd felt like this.

It seems that I am just very strange.

Don't worry, it's normal! I get this. At least I used to. It hasn't happened in a while now.
I'd think about someone so much, and couldn't wait to see them, be around them, want to impress them etc. but actually having sex with a women, is not for me. I can't psycho analyze it, but it's a thing!

Original poster
Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 26/05/2023 07:46

Clipboard007 · 25/05/2023 22:34

How do you define 'having a crush'?

Liking someone more than just liking them.

Thinking about them in a lovesick sort of way. Thinking how lovely and perfect they are even though you don't know them well enough to really know that. Feeling drawn to them almost protective over them. It's different to how you'd normally feel about someone you really like.

I would never act upon it, or try to be near them I'm a normal married woman not a stalker! It's just a feeling, it always tends to pass after a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lookinggoodinsummerclothes · 26/05/2023 07:54

QueefQueen80s · 25/05/2023 23:34

I get crushes on women, feel vibes with them, but can't imagine being sexual woman to woman. But I can imagine being a man and being sexual with them, I wish I could experience it. But I love being a woman!
Dissect that 🤯

Interestingly I have those feelings too. I have zero desire to be with a woman as a woman. But if I was a man I totally could.

Again though, I'm not transgender! I love being a woman.

OP posts:
Tadpolle · 26/05/2023 08:27

I consider myself straight but I've always had a mild crush on Sue Perkins. Apparently this is quite common for women!

The other week I watched Mae Martin's Netflix special and I'm totally smitten with her now. I binge watched her tv series in one night and I look at pictures of Mae on Instagram and swoon. I'm just enjoying the giggly swoony crush feelings. I definitely think rude thoughts about Mae. No plans to cheat on male DP.