https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4613356-wibu-yesterday-not-going-in-their-house
Previous thread.
In short, partner lives with her parents. Her dad is a misogynistic, angry, obnoxious character who loves himself and treats her Mother like something he stepped in. He cheats, lies, financially abuses her, verbally abuses her (and has physically in the past). He doesn't do any of this to my partner as she stands up to him.
He's also in the fairly recent past appeared at the door of the bedroom my partner's Sister's wife was sleeping in at the time (by herself) when she was staying over, with his trousers down-and prior to this, had shoved her into an alcove at a family party and tried to make her kiss him. Partner didn't tell me this, I found out from SIL who thought I already knew.
Around a year ago or more I was staying at the house with partner and he laid into me over something trivial about me that he didn't like, shouting at me across the table and getting louder and louder when I didn't 'bite' (I am used to awful angry men unfortunately and wasn't going to argue back with him-just calmy dealt with what he was saying). I told partner after that that I'd not stay there again, if I visited we'd get a hotel. Partner compromised and we'd then stay at her Sister/SILs house (sorry if this is confusing, all of us are gay women).
Anyway, partner's Sister and SIL have since separated. Sister has moved into a flat.
My partner has three dogs. With the old arrangement, the dogs would stay with us in the spare room. Sister's flat doesn't have a spare room, (or a garden) so we're to sleep on a blow up bed in the sitting room. This doesn't work with the dogs sleeping over too-as her Sister has two dogs and they get along but she doesn't trust them all 'left' together while we sleep. This means that if we stay at Sister's flat she has to get up early and go and walk her dogs (who'll be at her parents, where she lives). It's less than a 5 minute walk, for context. At her Sister's old place they could be just let into the garden and we'd get up and go out with them at our own pace rather than her have to get up and rush out to go and walk them.
This means she is now asking if I won't just stay at her parents with her again.
She says It's safe, because I'll never be alone with him, her bedroom door locks, she'll only leave me to shower/go to the loo or we'll be out.
I still don't want to stay there. Yes, I don't trust him but also I don't want to feel uncomfortable. He doesn't want me there-I don't want to be in someone's house who doesn't want me there. I don't like being in someone's parent's house full stop overnight really but I realise that may be unreasonable. I don't like witnessing how he speaks to her poor Mother either.
I've offered to stay in a hotel and just meet up with her in the morning at her leisure if she wants to sleep at home.
I am trying to find a way to get her to understand that It's not that I'm SCARED of him per se, more so that I just don't want to be around him/in his house. I am not sure what to say to her as she just doesn't seem to understand.
Also am I being petty/precious about this? Should I just 'get over myself' as to not disrupt her having a more relaxing weekend?