Surely you can’t refuse?

beepbops · 2023-05-23T21:27:55+00:00

I work in marketing. One of my colleagues refuses to do public speaking because it causes them to feel very anxious, tight chest, unable to sleep, sick, the whole works apparently. I understand it can’t be nice and do know how it feels but it places the burden onto other members of the team. It is true and they are great other ways round but reluctant to even give this a go, usually standing up in front of about 20 professionals and rarely can be as many as 100. It’s not often we are asked to do it maybe four or five times a year. I’m not sure it’s fair that exemptions continue to be made for this when a lot of people (myself and other colleagues included) do feel awkward and uncomfortable about doing it too, surely you’d just look for a job that’s not going to involve this if it’s going to cause you so much angst! A quick google tells you it’s one of the most common phobias among adults

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 23/05/2023 22:34

If its only 4 or 5 times a year, why does it bother you that one colleague doesn't do it? Anxiety can be really debilitating and the effects of an anxiety flare can last a long time for someone. If it's such a small part of the job, then I don't think it warrants them leaving for something else if they otherwise enjoy the job and are good at it.

Original poster

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:36

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 23/05/2023 22:34

If its only 4 or 5 times a year, why does it bother you that one colleague doesn't do it? Anxiety can be really debilitating and the effects of an anxiety flare can last a long time for someone. If it's such a small part of the job, then I don't think it warrants them leaving for something else if they otherwise enjoy the job and are good at it.

Because it means someone else has to do it instead, which isn’t really fair

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olympicsrock · 23/05/2023 22:37

Be glad for the positive experience. Your colleague won’t make progress while you will. Not everyone can handle this.

Original poster

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:38

olympicsrock · 23/05/2023 22:37

Be glad for the positive experience. Your colleague won’t make progress while you will. Not everyone can handle this.

I suppose that’s a positive spin on it

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TomatoSandwiches · 23/05/2023 22:39

YANBU they need to find a way to help with this issue, whether it is a form of therapy or medication or both.

I wouldn't be happy having to carry someone or do more than my share of a certain task for an employee long term.

My husband specifically sought out a non public facing role because it doesn't suit him.

Runningcrew · 23/05/2023 22:40

If it genuinely is a massive problem for others they too can speak up and say they can’t do it. It sounds like her anxiety is beyond the normal realms of nerves or awkwardness about public speaking.

gibegobble · 23/05/2023 22:41

If it's social anxiety which it sounds like it is it could potentially be classed as a disability under the equality act and the employer is legally obligated to make reasonable adjustments - one of those could be to avoid these types of tasks.

It's great you are able to do this without much bother but as a PP said this can be debilitating. You never know what's going on in someone's head.

Original poster

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:43

TomatoSandwiches · 23/05/2023 22:39

YANBU they need to find a way to help with this issue, whether it is a form of therapy or medication or both.

I wouldn't be happy having to carry someone or do more than my share of a certain task for an employee long term.

My husband specifically sought out a non public facing role because it doesn't suit him.

This is exactly it to me. Other tasks exist that I’m not the fondest of but I really think whoever you are we all just have to get on with these types of things in life

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Original poster

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:44

gibegobble · 23/05/2023 22:41

If it's social anxiety which it sounds like it is it could potentially be classed as a disability under the equality act and the employer is legally obligated to make reasonable adjustments - one of those could be to avoid these types of tasks.

It's great you are able to do this without much bother but as a PP said this can be debilitating. You never know what's going on in someone's head.

I never considered it as a medical issue but you may have a point. I do feel sympathetic that it must be awful but can’t imagine being that bothered by it.

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Blandfan · 23/05/2023 22:46

I feel sorry for them. I work in a job where this is expected and the absolute fucking fear of it ruled my life for a long time. And I haven’t progressed as much in my career as most peers because I would make excuses not to present and lose opportunities. I wouldn’t wish this phobia on anyone, so try to be understanding

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 23/05/2023 22:49

I never considered it as a medical issue

What do you mean? It sounds like she has quite severe anxiety symptoms (and I don't think you're disputing that these actually exist, you don't think she's lying).

I do feel sympathetic that it must be awful but can’t imagine being that bothered by it.

"Can't imagine being that bothered". Good for you I guess - it cannot be beyond you to think that certain things that you find merely slightly unpleasant may cause others a lot of distress.

Runningcrew · 23/05/2023 22:49

No that’s not how it works nowadays, employers have some consideration of diversity and inclusion thankfully . This is a task performed a handful of times a year, not something that’s a central part of the role and she’s good at the other parts of the job and as long as others aren’t being sick and losing sleep over it sounds as if they’re coping fine.

I know a teacher who would struggle to speak to an assembly but she is a brilliant teacher and leads her class well and has good rapport with fellow staff and parents. Should she just leave the profession because she struggles with the monthly whole school assemblies? IMO no and thankfully she has decent colleagues who don’t mind that it means they might have to do one extra assembly per year. Her struggle is related to a disability. It’s not the 1970s anymore, reasonable adjustments are a thing.

thespy · 23/05/2023 22:50

Would your organisation pay for her to get training?

www.vanessacuddeford.com/home1

Original poster

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:52

Runningcrew · 23/05/2023 22:49

No that’s not how it works nowadays, employers have some consideration of diversity and inclusion thankfully . This is a task performed a handful of times a year, not something that’s a central part of the role and she’s good at the other parts of the job and as long as others aren’t being sick and losing sleep over it sounds as if they’re coping fine.

I know a teacher who would struggle to speak to an assembly but she is a brilliant teacher and leads her class well and has good rapport with fellow staff and parents. Should she just leave the profession because she struggles with the monthly whole school assemblies? IMO no and thankfully she has decent colleagues who don’t mind that it means they might have to do one extra assembly per year. Her struggle is related to a disability. It’s not the 1970s anymore, reasonable adjustments are a thing.

I’ve really learned something new, thank you. Didn’t know it was a reasonable adjustment for someone not to do this. I’ve been humbled! I think I could do to be a bit more sympathetic. I do understand it’s hard but on the other hand I am of the mindset that life is hard, but I guess only she knows how it must feel on such a large scale

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TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 23/05/2023 22:53

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:36

Because it means someone else has to do it instead, which isn’t really fair

Show quote history

Disabilities do tend to limit people...

Original poster

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:54

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 23/05/2023 22:53

Disabilities do tend to limit people...

Show quote history

I’m not aware of if she has a disability or not but I understand extreme anxiety can be one.

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lipsie · 23/05/2023 22:55

Whilst I think she should do what she can to get over it with support from her employer... YABU. I work with people to help them with public speaking and the anxiety is real and the kindest approach would be to do what you can to help the situation. As long as you believe her and she's not slacking I think a reasonable adjustment is to help her get ready on whatever timescale that may look like

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 23/05/2023 22:55

@beebeepbops if it has a long term effect on day to day activity, then it's a disability

Stabee · 23/05/2023 22:55

Nobody likes doing it though. I can imagine it will cause resentment.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 23/05/2023 22:56

Does she pick up any extra slack to compensate?

Original poster

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:58

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 23/05/2023 22:56

Does she pick up any extra slack to compensate?

I would say so to be fair. On many occasions she’s helped me out when I’ve been close to a deadline and generally seems really on it.

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Relaxxx · 23/05/2023 22:58

I can't believe this post. Anxiety is not being nervous about doing a talk!

Upsizer · 23/05/2023 22:58

I’d say it depends on their job and if it is part of their job description. If they are a comms person then frankly it would drive me mad too, as it’s a part of the role. If not, then I guess the team needs to work around it.

Original poster

beepbops · 23/05/2023 23:03

Upsizer · 23/05/2023 22:58

I’d say it depends on their job and if it is part of their job description. If they are a comms person then frankly it would drive me mad too, as it’s a part of the role. If not, then I guess the team needs to work around it.

They have done plenty of zoom calls, one on one chats and presentations to the team just not any group larger than I guess 6 or 7 of us, unknown faces and the more people there is seems to be the problem from what I’ve seen

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McKenzieFriend001 · 23/05/2023 23:07

Crikey - I used to work in marketing, travelled the world, lived and worked in Paris for years, corporate business schmoozing - events management too.

Then I got assaulted, strangled, attacked, by a stranger, and now I have major anxiety and PTSD. I can't leave my house some days. I work from home, and ideally I would and should be able to accompany my clients to court, to help support them, but it's been 4 years and I still can't quite manage. My boss is perhaps one of the kindest people I know, and takes on the client facing part of my endeavours.

Sorry if your colleague can't stand up in front of 100 colleagues to make your job easier. Perhaps you might try to understand a little more about trauma and / or anxiety as a debilitating mental illness.