Surely you can’t refuse?

[beepbops]

I work in marketing. One of my colleagues refuses to do public speaking because it causes them to feel very anxious, tight chest, unable to sleep, sick, the whole works apparently. I understand it can’t be nice and do know how it feels but it places the burden onto other members of the team. It is true and they are great other ways round but reluctant to even give this a go, usually standing up in front of about 20 professionals and rarely can be as many as 100. It’s not often we are asked to do it maybe four or five times a year. I’m not sure it’s fair that exemptions continue to be made for this when a lot of people (myself and other colleagues included) do feel awkward and uncomfortable about doing it too, surely you’d just look for a job that’s not going to involve this if it’s going to cause you so much angst! A quick google tells you it’s one of the most common phobias among adults

You don't sound like much of a team player Op. YABU.

She's hard working and has helped you out when you're running late on deadlines, but you and your colleagues won't help her out a few times a year without begrudging it and thinking she should quit??

Yes annoying and understand it doesn't feel fair. I think consider what you want the outcome to be though , presumably if they are a good worker, team player etc you wouldn't want them to have a hoffific time
ar work and potentially leave. Good managers play to people's strengths. It would be good for her to develop the skills for this and maybe this will happen in time. At work you kind of have to put your blinkers on sometimes , work in a way you are happy with rather than getting annoyed about what everyone else is doing or not.

@Birdsongsinging yes anxiety can have very specific triggers

In answer to your initial question, yes she can refuse. She may be so worried as to have no option but to refuse.
You say she has helped you many times. It’s just presentations to large number of people 4-5 times per year that she cannot cope with?
Why not look to actively help her by offering to do these for her? I am sure she would pick up some of your less public work. You would be seen more, maybe gain a higher profile in your employment, which could actually help your progression.

YABU, I would more than likely pass out from the stress and anxiety of speaking in front of so many people. I can’t even manage zoom phone calls without feeling like I’m going to vomit and breaking out in a cold sweat, anxiety causes some awful physical symptoms and it can be extremely difficult to manage, I really don’t see the issue with this person being exempt when it causes them genuine distress, it’s a real health issue, not just feeling uncomfortable and awkward.

I think if they can refuse then it's a great thing. Some people are brilliant at public speaking, really engaging, they enjoy it and natural at it. Why not play to peoples strengths. There's nothing worse than listening to someone who's obviously terrified and uncomfortable. I'd much rather listen to someone who's enjoying themselves.

I get panic attacks and hyperventilate when I have to speak in public (once a month), so have to take a beta blocker and diazepam to enable me to do it. If I had the option of not doing it I'd bite their hand off. I'd much rather put in extra work elsewhere. Sometimes it's far worse than just 'getting nervous'. People who know me can't believe I get like this when I speak in public because I'm so polished and good at it. But I'm only that because I prepare continuously, practice and take medication to get me through it. I can't sleep the night before and I'm on and off the loo beforehand. It's truly awful.

Or maybe they don’t need to because very few people will ever have to make a presentation in front of 100 professionals…. And this is certainly not an illness that requires GP intervention.

Maybe this is more about the fact the job like it isnt what is suitable for them. Maybe the answer is that their role should actually be slightly different to yours.
Why not leaning in their strengths instead and having them taking on board stuff YOU dont like to do? I’m pretty sure there are stuff you’d rather not do but they are good at!

Lastly, I’m getting that you are talking about a colleague? That’s up to your boss to sort out. Playing the ‘oh it’s unfair’ card isn’t going to help you in any shape or form. If you feel it’s a burden too heavy to carry, have a word with your manager. And stop counting points.

Also tbh, put yourself in your manager shoes.

Here are two people who are good at delivering a presentation and one that is crap at it. Would you really want the person who is crap at it to deliver the présentation ‘juste to make it fair’ and then having to ask everyone to scramble around to recover from the mistakes/unprofessional image etc….?

A good manager leans on people’s strengths.
That means not everyone will do the same thing.
Is that an issue?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/university-broke-law-forcing-suicidal-27024507.amp

Yes @TiptoeThroughTheToadstools but then it is not social anxiety it is a specific fear of public speaking.

I work for an engineering company. One of our guys has a fear of heights - so he doesn't do any of the "up ladders" type works, but takes on more of the testing (which everyone hates becasue it's boring!) Can a similar coompromise not be found where you are?

@Birdsongsinging yes, agreed

There are usually ways to assist the anxious public speaker.

Say being part of a 2-3 person presenting team so just explains one or 2 slides. So gets to stand up but not speak much (and could signal No at last minute and main speaker carries on)

I get it, I missed graduation as nerves got better of me (and went next session with attitude that I could just refuse to do the stage walk at last minute and they'd just not call my name and pass to next person) and it was okay (but draining, all that anxiety). Nowadays I try to volunteer first to do group talks to get it out of the way.

I have a anxiety and depression diagnosis on top of my other health problems and I don't do big public speaking events at work or uni .However I do the rest of my role well and effectively and attend meetings etc as needed although I have a support plan which means I don't do the public presentations for my masters in front of everyone . You'd never understand how brutal public speaking combined with a anxiety disorder is until you've been there . Everyone has their weaknesses within in a team and this is someones

Mixed feelings.

Anxiety can of course be debilitating. We are told to empathise with people with mental illness. We are told to do what makes us comfortable.

On the other hand, speaking from experience, sometimes it’s in our best interest to push ourselves, even if it’s very unpleasant.

I used to have extreme anxiety, which is not now not as bad as it once was as I have worked hard to stretch my comfort zone. I would fake illness to get out of speaking in front of the class at school, and if I’d somehow been strong armed into it I’d have broken down and cried. As an adult, I have tried to combat my public speaking fear. I’d lose my appetite weeks in advance, it makes me feel physically sick, my voice shakes, my legs tremble, I sweat like crazy, and my mind goes blank. However, by making sure I have extremely thorough notes on my laptop in front of me, I can get through it.

Now, I still get pretty bad anxiety symptoms during and just before public speaking but at least I have techniques to get through it and I’m not consumed by anxiety weeks in advance. Fortunately I very rarely have to speak in public but I know that if it came to it I could probably get through it.

People need to face their fears most of the time, I’d say. There might be a minority of cases where facing their fear could worsen the trauma, but I doubt this is the case with your colleague.

Some people love it and thrive at public speaking/ presentations. If there are other people who like it/ happy to do it then I don't see the issue. Personally I hate it. I do it on occasions but I don't think I'm very good at it. As a company/ organisation I think the best person should do it as it reflects on everyone else.

I had to speak infront of about 100 people. I really did try, despite being absolutely terrified.
I ended up seeing black, stubling back to Mt seat and nearly passing put after physically not being able to carry on speaking.

To you it may have looked like I'd stopped speaking mid sentence and sat down, to me it felt like I was going to faint. I'm still very surprised that I didn't.

I'd never put myself through that again but I don't think someone should leave their job because of it.
people know their limits.

I can call to mind presentations by people who were anxious about it. I spend the whole time feeling sorry for them and not taking in the point of their presentation. I suffer with this too, and not for lack of trying - both in therapy and by putting myself out there - I've taught classes, led seminars, etc! I don't have low self esteem or PTSD or suffer with anxiety generally, but I do have diagnosed issues with executive functioning and I struggle beyond the one to one interactions where I can have a pen and paper and time to think. This thread has been really helpful reminding me to take it easy on myself. We're not all equally skilled, and also the world can be skewed towards the extrovert.

It’s very legit actually, and unless they were explicitly told that public speaking is a job requirement, they’re not obligated to do it. You can be an amazing professional without ever need to speak in front of an audience.
What you’re saying borders on workplace harassment and discrimination.

That reply is far too sensible and logical for AIBU. 🤣
Seems a really good compromise. There is normally a way to even things up that initially seem to be ‘not fair’

If you or one of your colleagues developed cancer and was on chemo, had lost their hair and their life was in the balance, would you still insist they carry on doing presentations as "it's only fair"?
Because for many people who develop social anxiety or start exhibiting symptoms of complex trauma it's a very similar, hugely debilitating situation.
There may be some people who can push themselves to do it with the aid of propranolol etc but who don't sleep for days in advance and can't keep food in their body. But is that good for them long term?

I have to admit this is one of the most depressing threads I've ever seen where 20%/30% of a very middle class audience have so little understanding or empathy for people who suffer with mental health issues.
It probably means that in the general population this figure would be over 50%.

Virtually everyone in this situation know that not doing the presentations will adversely affect their career and promotion prospects so they don't do it lightly.

Just because you can't imagine being that bothered by it doesn't mean it's not totally debilitating for some people. My colleague is fantastic at her job and is a very supportive colleague but absolutely goes to pieces when we go on training 4 times a year, we are expected to speak in front of others (not just our team) and role play 🙄 I can't say I enjoy it but it doesn't make me sick with anxiety for a week beforehand either like it does for her. Fortunately our boss and trainers are very understanding and make accommodations for her, they realise her worth as an employee and want to make her comfortable so have removed this anxiety for her. Sounds like you need to be a little more sympathetic.

This could rise to the level of a disability for your colleague.

Is there anything left that couldn't?

I asume it's because she is very good at other aspects of the job so your employers think it is worthwhile making an exception for her. Presumably if the didn't she would leave and they want to keep her.
Everyone has different skills and it's good that your employer recognises that.
Besides it sounds as though she has been assessed as having anxiety and aren't they just making reasonable adjustments. There is a big difference between feeling uncomfortable while public speaking and the thought of public speaking making you ill.

Is there anything left that couldn't?

@CovertImage What do you mean?