Page 5 | The dream versus the reality - add your own

FlamingoCroquet · 2023-05-16T20:21:31+00:00

Mine is gardening The dream: watering the roses in shorts and t-shirt, camomile growing in a sunny corner of my lawn, the bees buzzing round the honeysuckle The reality: it's still freezing cold in May, I'm disposing of 25 snails who decimate even the honeysuckle, and cleaning up cat shit.

Scotlandinmyheart · 18/05/2023 07:42

orangeflags · 16/05/2023 22:07

The dream. Having your horses at home. Listening to them call you over the garden wall, lovely rides through the field, doing things in your own time.

The reality. Fencing repairs in driving rain. Always worrying about them. Doing so much maintenance you can't be arsed to ride. Ducking down when you're in the kitchen in case you are spotted and your horse starts heckling you for dinner

Can totally relate to this one 🤣🤣

FernsAndFlowers · 18/05/2023 07:44

The dream:
Being one of those smug people in their open plan kitchen featured in an interiors magazine

The reality:
Stylist turns up with a load of hideous stuff that I have to pretend to own for the photoshoot.
Spend two days trying to tidy up as open plan kitchen diner is generally a bombsite thanks to small children
Pay a fortune in childcare to keep kids out of house for the day as the magazine insists there is no trace of them
Endless lies about cost of kitchen to align with readership’s budget
Awkwardly posing for photos with stylist’s mug (containing water, not coffee) while my soul departs my body

willWillSmithsmith · 18/05/2023 08:09

Persiana · 17/05/2023 15:30

The dream is a lovely, relaxing and fun day at the beach with family
The reality is hell- sand everywhere, everything is a huge huge effort, you literally don't relax. Everyone ends the day hot and bothered

Coming home and everything is caked in wet sand; bags, clothes, shoes, kids. The cleaning up process after a day at the beach was soul destroying. We live very close to the beach and I was thankful my children ended up not being beach lovers as even they hated the sand everywhere.

Cattenberg · 18/05/2023 09:54

FernsAndFlowers · 18/05/2023 07:44

The dream:
Being one of those smug people in their open plan kitchen featured in an interiors magazine

The reality:
Stylist turns up with a load of hideous stuff that I have to pretend to own for the photoshoot.
Spend two days trying to tidy up as open plan kitchen diner is generally a bombsite thanks to small children
Pay a fortune in childcare to keep kids out of house for the day as the magazine insists there is no trace of them
Endless lies about cost of kitchen to align with readership’s budget
Awkwardly posing for photos with stylist’s mug (containing water, not coffee) while my soul departs my body

This was interesting to read as it’s definitely a fantasy of mine. Not so much for the kitchen as mine is just a small functional space to cook and do the washing, but I had this dream of showing off my living room and the bedrooms. DD would be photographed in a pretty dress, sitting on her bed reading a book. A slimmer version of me would be relaxing in the living room with my shelves of junk carefully curated pieces. There would be no toys, tissue boxes or plastic tat to be seen. Readers would write in asking where I got my things and one would ask me to design their own interior.

Did your stylist turn up with wishbone dining chairs, odd-shaped vases, a fruit bowl on a stem, citrus fruits, wooden chopping boards, fake plants and framed prints with wacky slogans?

FernsAndFlowers · 18/05/2023 10:27

Cattenberg · 18/05/2023 09:54

This was interesting to read as it’s definitely a fantasy of mine. Not so much for the kitchen as mine is just a small functional space to cook and do the washing, but I had this dream of showing off my living room and the bedrooms. DD would be photographed in a pretty dress, sitting on her bed reading a book. A slimmer version of me would be relaxing in the living room with my shelves of junk carefully curated pieces. There would be no toys, tissue boxes or plastic tat to be seen. Readers would write in asking where I got my things and one would ask me to design their own interior.

Did your stylist turn up with wishbone dining chairs, odd-shaped vases, a fruit bowl on a stem, citrus fruits, wooden chopping boards, fake plants and framed prints with wacky slogans?

Show quote history

That’s quite a prop list and you are mostly right 😱

Chopping boards get placed in front of electrical sockets

I’m glad I did it as have the nice pics to look back on but am under no illusions as to how the industry works

id love to see some smug people/interior photoshoots accompanied by the grim details behind their not so smug lives 🤣

flinginflangin · 18/05/2023 11:05

The Dream: a long-awaited reunion with old university friends discussing our very grown up jobs, houses and spouses. Funny tales of our good old student days at the union drinking too much lager-black followed by hungover study sessions in the library. Maybe even showing a few old photos for laughs. Wine flowing, good food and the rejuvenating company of dear old friends.

The Reality: a group of very middle aged people with boring-sounding jobs. Someone gets on everyone's tits dominating the conversation with talk of their middle management job. The same old stories get rehashed and somehow don't resemble the memory you have of the event. You've had fun but you're tired, drinking isn't as fun as it used to be and you've remembered the annoying little quirks everyone has after just a couple of hours.

Cattenberg · 18/05/2023 11:13

And one friend (always the same one) insists on bringing her partner along, even though he has no idea who/what everyone else is talking about and sits there looking bored. So we feel we have to keep our reminiscences short.

mrswhiplington · 18/05/2023 13:17

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2023 08:37

The dream: fresh highlights, a kiss of bronzer, hello warm carefree days

The reality: I'm Michael Fabricant, may I count on your vote?

😂

TheFireflies · 18/05/2023 20:32

iwantawisteriathisyear · 17/05/2023 10:13

The dream

A packet of wild flower seeds thrown casually across the garden produces an effortless sea of bobbing flowers. Poppies, cornflowers and bees waft in the sun as I admire from my sun drenched garden bench.

Reality
A sea of weeds that kill everything else in sight. One poppy if you're lucky. The prospect of having to cut the whole lot down in the autumn.

This.
I have dug about a million sow thistles out of my garden. They weren’t supposed to be in the packet. Nothing that was meant to be there was ever seen.

Negpregpospreg · 19/05/2023 08:59

Grumpafrump · 17/05/2023 07:04

Family holiday on the Almafi coast.

The dream: wafting around in summer dresses, lazily exploring gorgeous places like Capri and Positano, maybe go for a swim wherever we find ourselves, eating gelato and pizza together whilst out and about, lots of relaxed fun and laughing.

The reality: three kids and husband extremely grumpy from the heat, sweat rolling down everyone’s backs, restaurants all jam packed so end up eating sandwiches from a corner shop, accommodation not as nice as the pictures, wading through the sea of tourists all working to get their insta shots everywhere we go.

Haha I have lived this exact reality! Which is why I’m done with Italy / south of France / Spain in the summer holidays. Too hot, too busy!

Worldgonecrazy · 19/05/2023 09:08

Boating:

The dream: looking fab and tanned in my sunglasses and bikini, beach cover up and hair flowing in the wind.

The reality: bundled up in several layers to stop arthritis kicking off, hair firmly placed under cap, eyes streaming, cold splashes of water making me wet, with a silent prayer that we don’t end up on Saving Lives at Sea. No one looks sexy in a life jacket.

NB: somehow my husband always manages to look great when boating. It’s not fair.

Booklover40 · 19/05/2023 09:17

FernsAndFlowers · 18/05/2023 07:44

The dream:
Being one of those smug people in their open plan kitchen featured in an interiors magazine

The reality:
Stylist turns up with a load of hideous stuff that I have to pretend to own for the photoshoot.
Spend two days trying to tidy up as open plan kitchen diner is generally a bombsite thanks to small children
Pay a fortune in childcare to keep kids out of house for the day as the magazine insists there is no trace of them
Endless lies about cost of kitchen to align with readership’s budget
Awkwardly posing for photos with stylist’s mug (containing water, not coffee) while my soul departs my body

I was asked to feature our house in an interiors magazine and this is why I said no - It'd stress me out!

BlackeyedSusan · 19/05/2023 09:44

Dream:
Do up flat and move back to home town to have kids, live in detached home happily ever after with two well behaved kids.

Reality:
Still in half done up flat, single parenting two autistic teens.

BlackeyedSusan · 19/05/2023 09:56

snarkyrooster · 17/05/2023 14:43

I honestly think it would be good to collate these into a book for expecting parents! Dispelling all the myths we are encouraged to believe about child-rearing. Ok I wasn't completely naiive about it but so many of the points on here do ring true for how I thought it would be / the reality!!!

Definitely.

A big chapter on autistic kids.

Dream:
I'm not going to let my kids swear at me and will raise them to polite.
Reality: called a fucking nasty cunt during an autistic meltdown. And having to remain calm as otherwise it's like pouring water onto a chip pan fire.