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Original poster

How do I word this to child?

65 replies

Doodoododdledoo · 16/05/2023 09:59

I nanny for a family and this includes picking up their 6 year old from school and walking home.

Now I will start by saying I do actually sometimes buy them a little sweet or something as a treat but I work part time and money is very tight for me. But child is always asking for me to buy them something if we pop into the shop when I get a bottle of water or asking me to get them something nice from the bakery. The parents do provide snacks and water for them on the way home which are sometimes fruit but also crisps on occasion.

Obviously buying her things out of my own money for them isn’t my responsibility but I just don’t know how to quite word this to them. I have said things in the past like ‘you have a snack in your bag’ ‘we will get you something to eat at home’ but this child is used to parents buying her something while out and that’s what they are getting at, it’s not really about it being something that’s considered a treat. Even if they have crisps in their bag, they want me to buy them crisps in the shop etc.

Please help me phrase it right because I don’t know the best way to explain that her mummy and daddy buy her things because they are her parents and that’s not my job. As it does make me sad that I know all she is hearing with the reasons I give her now is “no”.

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 16/05/2023 10:00

Say that you can't afford it.
Why sugar coat it???

plasticpens · 16/05/2023 10:00

The child is 6 you don't need to give them a financial explanation. Just take water with you to work and stop taking the child to the shop. Also use the word 'no'.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 16/05/2023 10:01

I’d take my own bottle of water for a start. Otherwise just say “no not today”

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6 year olds Families
Mamoun · 16/05/2023 10:02

Don't go into a shop with them. That'll remove the temptation.
If they ask, you say no I don't have any money and you have a snack in your bag.

SkaterBrained · 16/05/2023 10:09

You break the association of the walk being somewhere you eat and get bought stuff. Take your own water or buy it in advance, sit on a bench to have the snack instead of eating on the go. Then you just don't "need" to go in the bakery or newsagents. You can be on the other side of the road or take a slightly different route to break the habit.

You can just say "we don't need anything from the bakery today," or "you have had a snack," as well, but it will make your life a lot easier to not get into the situation. It's a great habit to get into to have a child walk somewhere without whinging or demanding more, it will benefit everyone to cut this out.

viques · 16/05/2023 10:11

Stop buying bottled water it is bad for the environment. Keep saying the very reasonable things you are saying, “you have a snack in your bag” “ you can have something when we get home”. Have them on repeat.

The child is not going to break into pieces, die of starvation, or be traumatised by an adult refusing a request. Some children have learned that the dripping water on a stone trick works with their parents and assume it works with all adults, it is a good lesson to teach them that it doesn’t work with all adults.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/05/2023 10:14

Avoid taking her in shops? Go to the shop on the way to pick her up if you need to rather than after picking her up.

Raindancer411 · 16/05/2023 10:14

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/05/2023 10:14

Avoid taking her in shops? Go to the shop on the way to pick her up if you need to rather than after picking her up.

This would be the easiest way. Avoid taking her in and saves you having to say no and her keep asking.

cocksstrideintheevening · 16/05/2023 10:15

Just don't take her into the shop?

Original poster
Doodoododdledoo · 16/05/2023 10:16

SeulementUneFois · 16/05/2023 10:00

Say that you can't afford it.
Why sugar coat it???

Honestly I really want to. I have a very honest approach with children as long as it’s age appropriate but this would not fly with her parents if she repeated it. They keep her very sheltered, she doesn’t even watch live action movies because if it isn’t animated then it’s too realistic. 🙄

OP posts:
GoodChat · 16/05/2023 10:16

Just don't take the child to the shop. Go on the way to collect them if you need to.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/05/2023 10:18

If money is tight, stop throwing it away on bottled water, for one. Just tell the child no, your mum and dad can buy you treats, and that's the end of it.

Batalax · 16/05/2023 10:18

My first thought was also, why do you persist in going into a shop? If you are buying something for yourself, most children would also be tempted.

YouveGotAFastCar · 16/05/2023 10:20

Are you taking the child into shops, or is the child asking when you're walking past shops?

I think you'd handle it quite differently if you were walking past a bakery and the child asked to go in, for example; then if you're going in and the child is asking for something to eat, and you're directing them towards a snack that they've bought with them.

SarahSmith2023 · 16/05/2023 10:20

Do you not have any 'petty cash'?

just talk to the parents & say something like 'X seems used to being allowed to choose a treat in the shop or getting something from the bakery when she's with you. Do you want me to tell her you've said no or can you give me a petty cash purse?'

just talk to them & take it from there. Don't make it about your money.

however, I wouldn't take a small child into a shop to buy something for myself (non essentials) and not buy them something too. That just seems 'mean' to me.

NBLarsen · 16/05/2023 10:21

"I don’t know the best way to explain that her mummy and daddy buy her things because they are her parents and that’s not my job."

Why can't you just say exactly that to her? It's plain and simple.
Your mum and dad buy you things because they are your parents. When you are with me they provide the snacks you have in your bag, I don't buy more things.

Original poster
Doodoododdledoo · 16/05/2023 10:21

It’s not just when I take them into the shop. They will ask on the way past bakeries etc.

I did use to take them a different route home with no shops and parks on the way so they could play (which the child always enjoyed) but they started walking into the house and immediately crying to their WFH parent they were tired so they requested we go the shortest way - which is past shops.

Dont get me wrong I’m not tempting her in shops every day, just sometimes I’ll have been out all morning and just need a drink and the way the village is set out I would have to do a 30 minute detour to go the shop before I pick them up.

OP posts:
CindersAgain · 16/05/2023 10:22

Haven’t got any money with you? (And you come prepared with water and snack.)

Dontbelieveaword · 16/05/2023 10:22

Doodoododdledoo · 16/05/2023 10:16

Honestly I really want to. I have a very honest approach with children as long as it’s age appropriate but this would not fly with her parents if she repeated it. They keep her very sheltered, she doesn’t even watch live action movies because if it isn’t animated then it’s too realistic. 🙄

Show quote history

I dont get what you mean by 'it won't fly with her parents if she repeated it'? You mean the parents won't believe you can't afford to buy extra treats, that they'd expect you to use your own money to buy whatever child asked for?
But other posters have come to the correct response, you just tell her she has a snack in her bag, don't go to shops with her where possible, tell her you don't have enough money with you for extras. She's 6. You are her nanny, she does not get to say what you spend your money on

evtheria · 16/05/2023 10:23

I'd say "I've not brought/got money for snacks." And hopefully eventually it will break the habit of expecting to buy something on walk home.

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 16/05/2023 10:23

Sorry I haven't brought my purse today..
And repeat... I collect 2 dc and use this...

Goldbar · 16/05/2023 10:24

I would say that these things cost money and most people have to be careful how they spend their money.

My 5yo is told regularly that treats cost money and unfortunately mummy doesn't have any spare and there isn't a magic money tree. It doesn't seem to have traumatised them. They've started asking to go to the toyshop "just to look" (😂) and anything they like is "added to the Christmas list".

Original poster
Doodoododdledoo · 16/05/2023 10:25

SarahSmith2023 · 16/05/2023 10:20

Do you not have any 'petty cash'?

just talk to the parents & say something like 'X seems used to being allowed to choose a treat in the shop or getting something from the bakery when she's with you. Do you want me to tell her you've said no or can you give me a petty cash purse?'

just talk to them & take it from there. Don't make it about your money.

however, I wouldn't take a small child into a shop to buy something for myself (non essentials) and not buy them something too. That just seems 'mean' to me.

Petty cash is given to me on days out but not for school pick ups when they provide snacks and child has their water bottle.

It’s not a daily thing either that I actually go into the shop, just on the days I haven’t had a chance to have a drink that day. I don’t think it’s mean or unnecessary to keep myself hydrated

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/05/2023 10:29

Doodoododdledoo · 16/05/2023 10:25

Petty cash is given to me on days out but not for school pick ups when they provide snacks and child has their water bottle.

It’s not a daily thing either that I actually go into the shop, just on the days I haven’t had a chance to have a drink that day. I don’t think it’s mean or unnecessary to keep myself hydrated

Show quote history

What do you mean you havnt had a chance to drink that day? None of this makes sense or is overly complicated but you seem to want to make a simple task of the school run a really complicated one.

Goldbar · 16/05/2023 10:29

If I were the parent, I would definitely prefer that you were not regularly buying snacks and treats for my child in addition to any I had provided, so I would find it surprising if the parents had an issue with you stopping this. I'm not a particularly strict parent foodwise, but things like ice-creams and pastries are weekend treats we have when out as a family.